1. I was reading old messages between a girl I was giving advice to. It was so interesting, because my friend brought up how much stronger and more things I've given up since before summer, and I told myself not really I was pretty much like this last summer. But God's pointed out, it's not true. Of course I always know I'm growing, but I like my views better now. I know the Bible better now, and my words are based off it's word, not my own. I'm not as afraid to be different, I'm more free from thoughts that dominate unbelievers. I love what God is continually doing to me, and the others that walk with me.
2. Uh boys have been on my mind so much lately. I don't like it, but I listen to these songs and watch these movies about love and how a boy and a girl just couldn't stand to live without each other. And I WISH someone couldn't stand to live with out me, someone of the opposite sex. I wish I didn't always feel so replaceable to boys. Because I do love myself, and know what I want, and I want a boy who'd appreciate that. I don't believe in the saying that dating in high school is good practice, and gets you more prepared. Thats not true, every relationship you walk into you walk into with scars from the previous one. In high school you get hurt a lot, rarely does a high school boy like themself enough to actually share themselves with someone else. They don't know how to show effection, and they are struggling with their desires. People get hurt. I've been hurt badly twice, and I have seen how they effect the way I am towards boys. I don't like those scars, and they usually hurt the person I am dating in the present. I am so confident God will lead to me to the right guy and we'll be everything I wanted, problems of course, but I know that happiness will cover them. I want a boy who is devoted to Christ, that honors that relationship with his actions. A boy who'd go to breakfast with me, and watch sunsets on the beach. Someone who'd be my best friend, we could talk for hours with out pauses, about anything, about everything. I want us to respect each other. I want us to grow in Christ together, and hold eachother accountable, and encourage each other in our relationships. I want our relationships to be strong and run deep because we mutually adore God. I want us to let each other in, and have a good understanding with another. i want him to care, really care, not give up on me if I don't want him too. I want him to stick around, I want us to compromise and have great communication. I want us to always be honest and thoughtful. I want him to be the boy version of me, I want out thought processes to be alike, I want us to have SO MUCH in common. I want him to treat me like a princess, even around his friends. I want us to go out and be anywhere, doing anything, and have fun because we're just with each other. I want comfort, trust, and honesty. I want him to make me laugh a lot, I want him to be outgoing. I want to fall in love with him, and him for me. I don't want to date a boy that I couldn't imagine marrying. I don't want to settle. I want him to love himself. I want him to want me. I'm waiting gracefully, but sometimes I get really impatient. This is a stupid want. I just never like boys, and i want to really feel that again, like I did in 2008. I know I had a boyfriend this year, but it almost wasn't real, it was not what I wanted at all.
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
I felt such a pulling to read Revelation today
I was reading acts, and my mind kept being like "read revelation read revelation!", so I stopped and turned a few pages to read it. You have to understand I have always been so scared about reading Revelation, I'm not sure why. But I've NEVER tried reading it, it just sounded complicated and I never thought I'd get it. But with the power of the holy spirit deciphering it, I got it. And this passage broke me:
"I know all the things you do. I have seen you hard at work and your patient endurance. I know you don't tolerate evil people. You have examined the claims of those who say they are apostles but are not. You have discovered they are liars. you have patiently suffered for me without quitting. But I have this complaint against you. You don't love me or each other as you did at first! Look how far you have fallen! Turn back to me and do the works you did at first!" Revelation 2:2-5
"I know all the things you do. I have seen you hard at work and your patient endurance. I know you don't tolerate evil people. You have examined the claims of those who say they are apostles but are not. You have discovered they are liars. you have patiently suffered for me without quitting. But I have this complaint against you. You don't love me or each other as you did at first! Look how far you have fallen! Turn back to me and do the works you did at first!" Revelation 2:2-5
Monday, March 29, 2010
Light and Darkness
I LOVE the difference between light and darkness, spiritual difference, physical difference, and emotional difference.
I love what the bible has to say about living in spiritual darkness, i.e living without God. Like the verse I have from 1John on my blog, i love it, because it reminds to me run from spiritual darkness, and to live by truth. As possible as it is for me to be living in the light, I'll always have a little darkness too. God is light, and I love the light. It reminds me of how last night I was driving to the beach to meet my friend, and I didn't realize I was driving with out my lights on. So I could barely see my path and it made everything so much harder. It was dark. But I turned on my lights, and it flooded out the darkness. It was so much stronger. Just like God, he will give you light to walk down your path, he is ALWAYS more powerful then darkness. You can't even see without him.
"When my world is falling apart, when there's no light to break up the dark, thats when I look at you."
I love what the bible has to say about living in spiritual darkness, i.e living without God. Like the verse I have from 1John on my blog, i love it, because it reminds to me run from spiritual darkness, and to live by truth. As possible as it is for me to be living in the light, I'll always have a little darkness too. God is light, and I love the light. It reminds me of how last night I was driving to the beach to meet my friend, and I didn't realize I was driving with out my lights on. So I could barely see my path and it made everything so much harder. It was dark. But I turned on my lights, and it flooded out the darkness. It was so much stronger. Just like God, he will give you light to walk down your path, he is ALWAYS more powerful then darkness. You can't even see without him.
"When my world is falling apart, when there's no light to break up the dark, thats when I look at you."
Saturday, March 20, 2010
....
"I am shocked that you are turning away so soon from God, who called himself to you through the loving mercy of Christ. You are following a different way that pretends to be the Good News but is not the Good News at all. You are fooled by those who deliberately twist the truth concerning Christ." Galatians 1:6-7
You twist God into something that will fit your life, but God does not change, has not changed, and shouldn't change. If anything you should be twisting yourself to be like him. So you stomp your feet and complain at your prayers that "aren't being heard", but you won't open your eyes big enough to see what he has already given you. God extends you grace and you shove it to the side for a night on the town. Trading friends for God, friends for yourself. You'd rather blend into something you secretley know you don't like, then stick up for something you want more then anything. "And so, dear brothers and sisters, I plead you to give your bodies to God because of all he has done for you. Let them be a living and holy sacrifice- the kind he will find acceptable. This is truly the way to worship him. Don't copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think." Romans 12:1-2You live to not even please yourself, but to please others. "Obviously, I'm not trying to win the approval of people, but of God. If pleasing people were my goal, I would NOT be Christ's servant" Galatians 1:10. "I do not treat the grace of God as meaningless." Galatians 2:21. But you do, you joke as if you don't care, but your looking to be saved. "Don't you see how wonderfully kind, tolerant, and patient God is with you? Does this mean nothing to you? Can't you see that his kindness is intended to turn you from sin?" Romans 2:4 You look in shallow coffee shops, shallow people, and worldly fillers to make you feel better. You've spent so much time feeling apart from God, and running away from him, your not sure how to get back. You know it's possible, i know it's possible, but your not ready to change. "Doing wrong is fun for a fool, but living wisely brings pleasure to the sensible." Proverbs 10:23. remember when you first fell in love with Christ? "You must continue to believe this truth and stand firmly in it. Don't drift away from the assurance you received when you heard the good news." Colossians:23. Change scares you because you've encountered so much change throughout your life, and you like the pace your at right now. But as the pace begins to change, people begin to change, and you stay the same, you feel lesser, and emptier. You look around but everyone has already moved on. You want to grab something, but nothing sticks to your hands anymore. You feel a ache in your heart thats crying for God, but you honestly can't remember what he feels like. You call out to him in the silence of your heart beat, but don't feel anything. "So be careful how you live. Don't live like fools, but like those who are wise. Make the most of every oppurtunity in these evil days. Don't act thoughtlessly, but understand what the Lord wants you to do. "Don't be drunk with wine, because that will ruin your life. Instead, be filled with the Holy Spirit." Colossians 5:15-18.Your joy empties from your face, and your frown has become much more permanent. You don't understand love because love comes from God, you don't love yourself, you don't love your friends, and you only love your parents because it's "required". You search and scream for your freedom, but you look for it in the world, therefore becoming more restricted than you were before. "It was for freedom that Christ set us free; therefore keep standing firm and do not be subject again to a yoke of slavery" Galatians 5:1.You don't let anyone near you, because your so fragile without God. You know just what is missing, and it's him, it's God. You have realized everything is completely wrong without him, you won't take up your mat to follow him. Pick it up, go back to grace. "You lived in this world without God and without hope. But now you have been united with Christ Jesus. Once you were far away from God, but now you have been brought near to him through the blood of Christ" Colossians 2:13 Be filled again, don't be nervous, don't be scared. There's a million others who care, who pray for you on the daily, lean on them, not on the ones who hold you in this state. Lean on God, I know he misses you. "Be renewed as you learn to know your creator and become like him. In this life it doesn't matter if your a gentile or a jew, barbaric, uncivilized, slave, or free. Christ is all that matters, and he lives in all of us" Colossians 3:10
You twist God into something that will fit your life, but God does not change, has not changed, and shouldn't change. If anything you should be twisting yourself to be like him. So you stomp your feet and complain at your prayers that "aren't being heard", but you won't open your eyes big enough to see what he has already given you. God extends you grace and you shove it to the side for a night on the town. Trading friends for God, friends for yourself. You'd rather blend into something you secretley know you don't like, then stick up for something you want more then anything. "And so, dear brothers and sisters, I plead you to give your bodies to God because of all he has done for you. Let them be a living and holy sacrifice- the kind he will find acceptable. This is truly the way to worship him. Don't copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think." Romans 12:1-2You live to not even please yourself, but to please others. "Obviously, I'm not trying to win the approval of people, but of God. If pleasing people were my goal, I would NOT be Christ's servant" Galatians 1:10. "I do not treat the grace of God as meaningless." Galatians 2:21. But you do, you joke as if you don't care, but your looking to be saved. "Don't you see how wonderfully kind, tolerant, and patient God is with you? Does this mean nothing to you? Can't you see that his kindness is intended to turn you from sin?" Romans 2:4 You look in shallow coffee shops, shallow people, and worldly fillers to make you feel better. You've spent so much time feeling apart from God, and running away from him, your not sure how to get back. You know it's possible, i know it's possible, but your not ready to change. "Doing wrong is fun for a fool, but living wisely brings pleasure to the sensible." Proverbs 10:23. remember when you first fell in love with Christ? "You must continue to believe this truth and stand firmly in it. Don't drift away from the assurance you received when you heard the good news." Colossians:23. Change scares you because you've encountered so much change throughout your life, and you like the pace your at right now. But as the pace begins to change, people begin to change, and you stay the same, you feel lesser, and emptier. You look around but everyone has already moved on. You want to grab something, but nothing sticks to your hands anymore. You feel a ache in your heart thats crying for God, but you honestly can't remember what he feels like. You call out to him in the silence of your heart beat, but don't feel anything. "So be careful how you live. Don't live like fools, but like those who are wise. Make the most of every oppurtunity in these evil days. Don't act thoughtlessly, but understand what the Lord wants you to do. "Don't be drunk with wine, because that will ruin your life. Instead, be filled with the Holy Spirit." Colossians 5:15-18.Your joy empties from your face, and your frown has become much more permanent. You don't understand love because love comes from God, you don't love yourself, you don't love your friends, and you only love your parents because it's "required". You search and scream for your freedom, but you look for it in the world, therefore becoming more restricted than you were before. "It was for freedom that Christ set us free; therefore keep standing firm and do not be subject again to a yoke of slavery" Galatians 5:1.You don't let anyone near you, because your so fragile without God. You know just what is missing, and it's him, it's God. You have realized everything is completely wrong without him, you won't take up your mat to follow him. Pick it up, go back to grace. "You lived in this world without God and without hope. But now you have been united with Christ Jesus. Once you were far away from God, but now you have been brought near to him through the blood of Christ" Colossians 2:13 Be filled again, don't be nervous, don't be scared. There's a million others who care, who pray for you on the daily, lean on them, not on the ones who hold you in this state. Lean on God, I know he misses you. "Be renewed as you learn to know your creator and become like him. In this life it doesn't matter if your a gentile or a jew, barbaric, uncivilized, slave, or free. Christ is all that matters, and he lives in all of us" Colossians 3:10
Friday, March 19, 2010
I'm in class on a itouch
We're watching a beautiful mind. I love this movie! So I haven't written in a while but I'm going to soon. I have been praying for clarity for such a long time and god has sent it to me in a large Mass. Everything is so clear. I know I am right where god wants me. Getting here involved giving up some things but it feels so right. I'll explain more later
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
I've decided
I dislike when people say they'll pray for "God to reveal his plan for me", because it's not just HIS plan, its our plan. We're not seperated, and we are in this together, for life, for whatever journey, whatever plan.
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
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