!@#$%^&*(

Is it hormones?
Is it my mind?
Is it my heart?
I wish they'd all just gt, I wish I wasn't such a Eve.

It's time to embrace

I'm throwing away fear. Fear of judgement from the world, fear of being a "stupid teenager". I'm going to CLAIM individuality, I want to be present. Present in life, where I am, WHO I AM RIGHT NOW. I aspire to be someone who is just so filled with life and with Christ that it over flows on too whoever I'm near. I'm not going to explain every move I make in hopes that I won't disappoint, if I was still trying to please man I would not be a servant of Christ. That I'll be dauntless, and not stuck in the past or worrying about the future. I want to be whoever I am in the moment. I'm young, I'm still being shaped. I want to adore myself. I'm taking back freedom, and relying on God. And I'm doing it on my own, this phase of my relationship with Christ is different. It's not doubting him, but I'm pushing away some things, so that he may fill them. I'm holding back some things so that I may listen. I am being internal because God is in me. I'm sharing only when asked. I'm not relying on my own human strength to carry me, but remaining in weakness and depending on God to carry me. It is so important to love who you are at the moment, and acknowledge God is there too, with you, always. I'm not going to hide parts of myself to make me seem greater to humans, because God see's those parts, and there is no point in trying to hide. When I'm upset or confused, no longer will I call my best friends first and ask for advice, but I'm not only going to pray, but I'm simply going to talk to God as I would my best friend. But more intimately. I'm embracing being a girl, a girl filled with confidence and independence aside from the world. The curse of Eden is that she will always be chasing after lovers and God will not allow it until she chases him first. No longer will I chase after lovers before God, but trust he'll provide when timing is write, not just for boys, but for everything. I can't see into the future and I can't figure out God, and I cant be as perfect as Jesus was. Am I saying don't try? No, but Jesus truly didn't rely on himself to carry on, his faith was all in God. And so this is my act of reliancy towards the Lord, to simply give up my efforts, in hopes that Christ-likeness would become effortless and fully given to me by God. Maybe this is wrong, I don't care. I'm not scared to fail or "to get off track", because I'm not. God is walking beside me, in a different way, and I'm even feeling closer. So here it is: my time to LIVE.

I always used to say

I'm not going to try to impress anyone, because having them like me is rewarding, but if they like me with out me trying at all; it's that much more rewarding.

Maybe its time to practice this again

Dear friends,

You all mean so much to me, I constantly am overwhelmed with your wisdom and love you bestow upon me. God has given you each such incredible gifts, and I'm so thankful you share them with me. I live a incredibly blessed life, I have beaten myself to love discipline, hating what is bad, and holding tightly to what is good. (of course I am no where near perfect) But I have been noticing how much "being good" has been stressing me out. I see the way I influence people, and where people hold me. Any praise I get, I just don't deserve, but it has built me up for sometime now. And that is wrong, because I have been scared to fall. Like if I fall then everyone falls, and I'm not meant to be your strength. Friends carry each others burden and give advice, and thats all lovely, but not to the point where you become reliant on it. I give my closest friends every detail of my life so that we can walk together, but I've found I've been more dependent on my friends carrying me then God carrying me. Above what I say or do, I have become a coward. Scared of dissapointing all of you, scared of dissapointing God. Maybe my thoughts are wrong, but it's ok for now, this is where my heart is going. I want to live dauntlessly with God, and not afraid of what people will think of it. I have been stripping all the beauty and freedom from God. I need to let my actions come naturally, from God. I have been trying to discipline myself, and shape myself, and it just doesn't work. Even the youth grow weary, and I am weary. I am drained, and have felt in a box. And living in that box is not something god wants me to do. I have my own relationship and indivituality in Christ, and I need to hold tightly to that. I don't want mine to be like yours, or like anyone else's. There is no such thing as "a cookie cutter Christian" and that is what I have been trying to do. I need to have fun, I need to embrace where God has me now. I am always told that I'm "mature" and "wise" and "don't seem my age", I think I should seem my age. I think I should be immature and young and not be scared of what people think. I don't mean this to sound like I'm blaming anyone for my feelings, this is just something God has been showing me lately. In the way that you know you shouldn't worry about your life, and trust that God will provide, don't worry about my life either. I trust God, and I need to trust that he will provide. Don't provide for me, let me rise, let me fall. I'm gonna be ok, we'll all be ok. I believe in and adore God and even if I get lost or confused for a while, I'm still safe. It is not the law that saves me, it is God, and I need to live in that. I've been overwhelming myself with doing right, and it is unnatural. I need to have fun, this isn't a doubting God kinda thing, it's a laying back and really letting him run my life thing. And on my own. I need to take my own advice because I know whats best for me, what works for you isn't always what I should do. We are all so different. Your words and wisdom are ALWAYS appreciated, but I think I just really need to listen to God, and no one else. I'm giving up, I'm not gonna try to be anything I'm not. I'm going to pray and just let God do the rest, because he will. I'm not going to search for a solution to fix myself, I'm just going to watch God do it. I'm not going to over analyze every little thing, I want to dive in and just trust God. I'll be ok, give my life to him too. I question my actions, intentions and everything, to a point where it is suffocating, and that just isn't healthy. I'm responsible I know right from wrong and thats embedded in me enough to just let God carry me. When I make a joke or do something weird i wonder what people will think, or react. I don't want to live according to others judgements, because it just doesn't matter. God really loves me, and if I'm sarcastic, he knows my heart. I need to be myself, whatever that is. I don't want that to change according to whoever I'm around. I've been really into appreciating everyone's individuality and their relationship with Christ lately, and I need to appreciate my own. Dear friends, lets just give each others lives to the Lord, pray expectantly and trusting him in full. Lets build each other up, but not rely on each other. Let us live and enjoy life, not just the spiritual part, but the physical. God wants us too. Let us just be ourselves together. Let us just have fun. Let us not making our relationship into a "thing" but remind ourselves that: it's only about him.

I just don't see it

and I don't understand.
does everyone really think that?

To the one who's dreams has fallen all apart

and all your left with is a tired and broken heart. I can tell by your eyes you think your on your own, but your not alone. Have you heard of the one who can calm the raging sea? The one who gives sight to the blind and brings the lame onto their feet? With a love so strong it never lets you go, no your not alone. You will be safe in his arms. The hands that holds the world are the ones that hold your heart. This is the promise he made: he will be with you always. When everything is falling apart, you WILL be safe in his arms. Did you know that the voice that brings the dead to life, is the very same voice that calls you now to rise? Hear him now; he's calling you home! You will NEVER be alone. These are the hands that build the mountains, the hands that calm the sea, the arms that hold the heavens! They are holding you and me! These are the arms that were nailed to the cross to break our chains, to set us free.




I'm pretty in love with this song. Safety, I'm safe, I'm saved. I don't have to fear death for I have escaped it! Promises, God promises me everything. God is huge, his arms hold the heavens, and they hold me, they hold the entire world, and I'm apart of that. We're all apart of that.

I just wan to have fun

I just want to laugh really hard until I can't breathe, want to throw my hands up out the sun roof and blast taylor swift, I want to do something exciting with out consequences. I've been so routine, I've been so bored. I have only been enjoying my spiritual life (which has been so good) but I need to enjoy my physical life, the one I'm living in right now. I need fun, I need new. I need to put down my judgement, and the judgement I feel from others. I need to live my life, not according to others opinions.

I just realized I have become so obsessed with "figuring out the right way"

the right way to praise God, to live on this Earth, to be a high schooler, to being a daughter. I have been living such a strict disciplined life, and i LOVE discipline, I love pleasing God, or trying too. But it's stressing me out, I feel closed in a box, and I don't think thats how God wants my relationship with him or life too be at all. I have been stressing out and just really concentrating on "being a good girl". Living biblically, and trying t escape obvious sin, and I've been stripping out the beauty of God. I need to enjoy my life, and rely on Christ to shape me into who he wants me to be. I have been praying for strength to over come some things, but I haven't been relying on him, I've been relying on me. And I can't do that, thats why I'm freeking out, I'm not meant to be perfect, or to do anything with out my father's help. I have not been accepting grace or the freedom that he so clearly offers me, Jesus died so I would have this chance to live freely, but acknowledge God. A lot of my better actions do come naturally from God. I agree with beating my body into a pleasing form for God, but if only your body, and not your heart is in that, it's almost worthless. It's almost a lie. Now I'm not doubting god at all, but I'm wandering back into grace, forgiving myself, and accepting forgiveness. Being cleansed. It's not about being a good girl so ill be less ashamed on judgement day. My heart has been praising rules, not the glory of the trinity. Laws and rules don't save me. I have been trying to impress God, and I can't, I'm sure I don even recognize half of my sins. This stress of God constantly watching, and me so badly wanting to live a life pleasing to him is causing me to fail more, and more stress. I need to embrace freedom, I need to embrace the character of God. Who exaclty is God? No human could every fully tell you, and we don't need to know. God has been faithful by giving us what we do need to know to live a life for him. I just love him, deeply deeply love and know h is real. And that why I am saved, that is why I have hope in him. I won't impress him, I won't win favorite, but I rejoice that he's alive. Thats all I can do. I'd like to escape the humanly pressure of being a "good girl", but I don't know how. I'd rather rest in my hope in Christ, then drive myself crazy with biblical guidelines. Let it come naturally and fully from God, let me rely on him to transform me, I did that so well in the beggining. I don't know the right way to do anything, any where, not just for God, and thats fine, just fine, because I have a hope greater then my worries.

I was feeling so conflicted

and like a wave tossed by the sea after tonight.
simplicity or deeper meaning, seeking for understanding. Then I remembered "You don't have to have it all figured out, just be with me" and the waves stopped. Thank you for saving me every time. There just isn't one way to love or praise God. There' always better choices, or more christ like actions, but not really right or wrong.

Uh

Junior High group was SO good tonight, in the Bible study part we had such good flowing conversations, and me and Valerie offered so much wisdom, and the girls really listened, they were silent for once! My spirit shook me, I told them a really hard time of my life, and I realized things about myself that I never realized before. The holy spirit revealed to me things that I never would of came up with on my own. an that was powerful. Then wildside started and the message portion came, Jessica (current youth pastor) was speaking about relationships. And I needed to hear it, it was different then what I heard before, and now with what I've learned and really realizing stuff, I have no idea how even to give it to God. I'm not stating what I'm trying to do yet, because I'm not ready, it's between me and God and thats all that matters. Tonight was a eye opener.

Week two April challenge

This week Rachel and I read 1John chapters 2+3, and they were so based on love. Real love. So our challenge was to be genuine in our love, and to be active in unconvient love for others. And it was successful, I love the way God has been teaching me this month, so according to the theme. Our challenge was do 3 actions of love towards someone we normally don't love a day. And when i think of that one day comes to mind. It was last Thursday (names have ben changed): So I was taking a test in biology and I got a bloody nose, so i had to leave, and when I came back the bell rang, so I was unable to finish it. My teacher said that I could come in at break to finish it and I was like "uuuh meow fine". So it was break time, I slugishly walked towards the classroom to finish my test, I notice a girl sitting by herself on the steps, looking really upset. I walk by her and try and ope the door, my teacher wasn't there, this other girl in my class (Zoe) walks up, I tell her I'm writing him a note so he won't get mad at us. Zoe apparently knew the girl and went up to her, the girl told her to go away and she didn't want to talk about it. I ask Zoe and she was like "oh thats Emily she just freeks out sometimes, we're friends." So I was like ok and walked back over to my group, but I felt a really big pull towards "Emily" , and I kept thinking "It's love week, I should really go talk to her, this is perfect timing, meeh". So I did I walked back over there and asked if she wanted to talk or to pray together, and she did. She started to tear up, and told me a few general problems, and we sat, holding hands, and prayed together. I didn't need to know what was going on with her, God knows, and he'll deal. But it made me love him even more, what if I didn't get bloody nose, or if my teacher was there like he was supposed to be, or it wasn't 'love week'. Everything lined up so perfectly, now I didn't do that of course to get praise from her or from anyone, but just because the power of prayer is so important, and I'm so happy to of been in fellowship with her in that moment. I didn't even know her name, but I did see her at gateway church a few times. And I did learn a lot about love this week, I felt SO filed with it, every place of my life I loved my family harder, I was a more loving driver, I treated my teachers really nicely, I loved my friends more. But something me and Rachel didn't really touch on was ways to love ourselves, I feel like we need a week of worth. Doing things for ourselves. It's not enough to just love God and love others, you are apart of that! Now I'm coming to a understanding of what it means to lack grace, as my friends put it. We can't lack grace, we can't be lazy in love, if we rely on our human strength to love others, we'll fail. for love comes from God, so we must seek strength, patience, wisdom, and joy in loving others.

It's on my heart

It is so much easier to give up my life for Christ then to give up my friends life for Christ, and thats stupid. Having faith doesn't just mean faith in your relationship with Christ, because he isn't just your God, he take care of others too. So have faith in that. As the Bible tells you not to worry about yourself because everything has a purpose and god will provide, don't worry about your fiends lives either! You trust God with your life, so you must trust him with others, he knows what he's doing. We shouldn't have to worry about anything, such freedom Christ gives us, so simple. Trust God in everyone's life. I care and love for my friends (of course!), but I need to let them rely on God, not on me, not on their families. It's almost like I am a helper to them to rely on the world for comfort, which is so wrong. Everyone needs to learn to be filled and reliant on God, and only by God. So many distractions go? And uh, why is my first thought "thats impossible".

On your porch, by the Format.

"Whats left to lose? You've done enough. And if you fail then you fail but not to us. These last 3 years, i know they've been hard. But now its time to get out of the desert and into the sun. Even if its alone."

Thats just human instinct isn't it? Times have been hard, we have been failed, and failed others, but there comes a time where you just have to get back into loving things again. It reminds me of what my friend has to say about "remaining", and I get it. You look at some people who just trail joy everywhere they go, and then you hear their story or there weaknesses, what they've been through, and you cock your head to the said and are like "Really? You've been through that? and here you are...". Life can be tough, but insanely beautiful. And when things get hard, we can break, stay broken, but we remain. God remains with us, more importantly. Things I never thought I could heal from, I have been, I have felt some darkness, and its shaped me, but it doesn't consume me anymore. God has made me new, my body has done things, but my soul has not, and is continually renewed as i continue my relationship with Christ. And that is the best blessing in the whole world, the chance to remain, the chance to be made new! I remember saying a very long time ago that I didn't understand Christianity and that it makes me feel unhuman because it doesn't want me to express human desires, like anger, sadness, jealousy, or cussing. I think differently, but those are human desires, and loving god isn't a ticket to escape those. You fight them, but you know that God will help, never desert you. No one has ever said life i going to be easy with God, but I know it is so much harder with out him. and those feelings are guided by human wants, and it sickens me, the bible says let the spirit guide your lives for a reason. Because being guided by your spirit and by faith brings fulfillment. The humanely desires you fulfill here, that is the only reward you will ever get. Save your rewards in heaven, for every time you deny body, God blesses you. Every time your made fun of, God adores you. Every time you knocked down, God restores you. "Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize.Everyone who competes in the games goes into strict training. They do it to get a crown that will not last; but we do it to get a crown that will last forever. Therefore I do not run like a man running aimlessly; I do not fight like a man beating the air. No, I beat my body and make it my slave so that after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified for the prize." 1Corinthians 9:24-27. Often people will analyzie God and edit him to make him to fit their lives, instead beat and edit yourself to fit his. God doesn't change, but we can, and we should. Seek change, seek your heavenly prize. Don't be consumed with thoughts that dominate unbelievers, for you have been free'd and welcomed into God's kingdom. So now it's time to get out of the desert and into the sun

week one of april challenge

My friend Rachel and I came up with this idea to study 1John together. The chapter is short but beautiful, loving, and full of light and wisdom. The deal is that we spend time together reading passages out of it for this whole entire month. To challenge each other, and to engage in fellowship. We've been praying to be transformed and challenged this month with our faith, and with what we study for that week. I'm so excited about it. Rachel and I have made a pact to really hold each other accountable. This week ( well we did this last week until this week) read all of chapter one. And we nailed it down to three things we were really going to concentrate on for the week.

1.Asking for forgiveness
As sisters in Christ we realize that forgiveness is a huge part of faith; forgiving others, forgiving yourself, and asking God to forgive you. But we realized that we know God is always going to forgive and love us, but we always forget to ask for it. Humans sin daily, but do you ask for forgiveness daily? So we decided that we ere going to concentrate on asking for forgiveness every time we sinned, I know huge challenge. But what it ended up doing for me was, I realized what I repeatedly asked for forgiveness for, and it DEFINETLEY makes you more aware of what sin is and how much you do.

2. Fellowship
This one had the biggest impact on me. But let me tell you first what we (or I) thought about it. We decided on concentrating on living in fellowship with one another, encouraging, serving, praying, and listening too each other. Or that is what I thought, and I am generally good at those things, so honestly I didn't concentrate on this one as evidentley as I thought. BUT God brought me a whole new understanding for the word, and a new understanding of how to be a good sister in Christ. I learned about fellowship, what it really means to be united in a family of Christ. This was mostly revealed to me through my exboyfriend Michael this week. And Michael has been a dear friend, brother in Christ, and boy ever since I've gotten to know him. I have always felt God really really wanted me in his life, I couldn't shake him. Not in just the way of liking him more then a friend, but really in the way as being there for him. I don't know why, but I hope there was a purpose and maybe even some good in that feeling. So I refused to ever give up on being there for him. And I have always been really passionate about this verse "But you dear friends, must build each other up in your most holy faith pray in the power of the holy spirit, and await the mercy of our Lord Jesus Christ, who will you bring you eternal life. In this way, you will keep yourselves safe in God's love. And you must show mercy to those whose faith is wavering. Rescue others by snatching them fro the flames of judgment. Show mercy to still others, but do so with great caution, hating the sin that contaminates their lives" Jude 20-23. And I felt that was really applicable to my relationship with him. I wanted to build him up in faith, I prayed for him consistently, I ached for him to remain safe in God's love, and I loved the person but hated the sins that consumed him (as I would anyone). But I realized I have just been judging his relationship with God, and making it so impersonal. I don't know if I helped at all, but I know I did hinder him a little bit. It hit me when he said "your the only person who makes me feel like everything is wrong with me", I instantly felt a rushing wave of sadness. I would make my brother feel like something is wrong, no everything is wrong with him? Even if there is, there is something wrong with all of us, but it was different, it is different. Me, My intentions were good, but intention doesn't determine destination, and my destintion was not what I wanted. And Michael hurt me, things with Michael just hurt, they did. And I thought I was being strong, "acting holy", but I ended up not fulfilling that at all. I was weak, I fought back, I hurt my brother in Christ. No matter what he has ever done or has said to me, he's still my brother in Christ, and I made effort to actually hurt his feelings. I can''t believe I was so weak, I wanted to fight back. I'm strong, I should of taken whatever, and I didn't. But it made me learn a lot about fellowship, a lot of times it's easy, but it was a challenge to do that when it got hard, and under harsh circumstances. I tore him down though, I didn't build him up. I was judging, immature and spiteful, and ultimately I feel TERRIBLE for anything I've said that remotely has hurt him. (this is how I learned this week, but but I know Michael isn't the only example in my life). Living in harmony with your brothers and sisters is so incredible, and important, and at times really challenging. But we MUST remain a family in God's kingdom above all else. The world already hates us, so what would happen if we quarrel amongst ourselves? Destruction, of hearts, of homes, of lives, of relationships among believers. And I don't want to add to that. Fellowship takes love, humbeling, compassion, and faith. I am really trying and learning what it means to not just be a "good person", but be a good sister.

3. Living in light
Being consumed with joy, against odds. Having faith, and living by truth. I don't think I lived by faith or in the light as much as I would of liked to especially this last week. But my spring break was different because of God, I actually realized a lot of truths. God was soooo present throughout my spring break. One night me and my friends stayed up late and just read from the book revelations with a another book that helped explained it. And we talked about our feelings, our fears, and how Jesus is coming. And in 1John 1:7 says "If we are living in the light, as God is in the light then we have fellowship with each other, and the blood of Jesus, his son, cleanses us from all sin".

heavy hearts

do you ever feel like your heart is weighing a thousand pounds and it seems very likely it's going to fall right out and scream? and then God literally shakes you and you fall back into his grace, and feel dumb for EVER doubting him. Do you ever have a flashing mental image that your just drowning and waves are crashing all around you and your hand keeps reaching past the surface and no one is there to grab it? And then all of the sudden you stop being so self centered and realize your not the only one. You feel like God keeps pulling you to the same person over and over and your work and fellowship with them just feels pointless? And then they say one thing and it'll remind you that your work with God is never pointless, even if you never see that person come to Christ. Or that you couldn't possibley ever speak again because your so broken and you just want to be saved? And God gives you a voice and saves you over and over and over again. Do you ever feel dumb coming to God for the same thing continually? But you realize that he is still doing something with that issue and that is why it's still on your heart. Or have you ever felt like the whole entire world around you, your friends, or family are breaking and you HAVE to save them? And God intervenes and you realize it was never your job to save them in the first place. Do you ever want sooooo badly for someone to love and worship God because it's so amazing? And then you realize everybody has different relationships with God and he works in people different ways then he works in you, and god see's everything they do and you don't, and maybe they are loving and worshipping him. Do you ever secretley think your better then someone and loving God because you don't have sex or do drugs or cuss? And then you feel stupid because you KNOW all sins are equal in God's eyes and who are you to judge or compare yourself to someone else.
Because I'm pretty sure I've never felt any of those, ever.

God interfeered

and took away our fears. and i'm thankful, so thankful. he who handles everything more perfectly then i could imagine, has given me peace

Thank God!

today happened, it was all too lovely and refreshing.
Schmitt bang came home and me her and Nikki went to the beach, it was the funnest time i've had in a LONG time. Nikki almost made me pee my pants like a trillion times, it was awesome!
My heart had changed, and I changed a few things, and things seem in place and good again!
I really don't want to work tommorow. Today was just so good, I think I just really needed ocean, and to SWIM, I haven't swam in so long. I need to start swimming at my gym again, i love love love being in water.
Spring break is coming to an end, and it was just the kind of refreshment I needed.
All is well in the Goob head.

and in the end

they are JUST feelings.

i hate letting go

and I never fully do. Once I care for someone, I'll care about them forever. They aren't just wiped out of my heart. They may not be in my head, but they'll always be in my heart. But I had a thought today that maybe I'm interfeering in God's work by holding them there. It goes against every moral string in my body, but I think I do actually need to let go and not care or worry about them anymore. I've already gone through forgiving you, now it's just time to gt.

I've also been feeling very insecure lately, and anxious.
"I don't want to be afraid, I want to wake up feeling beautiful today. And know that I'm ok, because everyone's perfect in unusual ways. So you see I just need to believe in me."

And then, all of the sudden I realize the root of the feelings I've been struggling with lately. I've just never felt good enough. For anyone, for my friends, for boys, for my family, and surely not for God. I think all of them love me for who I am. But that doesn't fix my feelings. From my parents, I KNOW I've never been who they wanted, not when I was in middle school, and not today. In middle school I was to out of control. Today I'm too distant and "Christian". Especially my Mom, I've never been perfect enough for her. I was never catholic, I never trated her the way she treated her Mom. I never put everything away. That I'll never have good grades or go anywhere. My hands are never soft enough. I never support her. I put everyone above our family. I don't deserve to call myself a Christian. I have boughten into all of that, and unconciously believed it. It's imprinted in my mind mostly because of my family, that I am just not good enough. From my old friends mostly, I was never pretty enough. I dressed too different. From boys it has always been, I'm too young looking, I' too short. I'm too much of a prude. I don't party. And for God I'll never believe I am worth his love, but he looooooooves me so much anyways, and I adore that, adore him, and I ill forever. And it's the exact humbeling I need to remind myself I'm not worthy. but it's uncomforting feeling like he's the only one that really loves me, and all I have is him. But I don't live to impress people, I don't live to fit into this world. I don't have to win approval of others, they don't have to know what good or bad deeds I do and don't do. Because God see's all that, everything, and loves me more than anyone else in the entire world, ever ever ever. And he wants me, constantly and for everything I am. He changes me and is there for me in a way no one could ever possibly fulfill. And I am thankful, constantly, all the time. And I deal, I'm generally happy and secure with who I am and my past and boys and girls and family. But every once in a while I'll have this impulsive rush of bitterness. So maybe I don't feel good enough a lot or some of the time, sure I'd like too. but I know with every inch of my being, that is not my goal, my goal is to remain in God's love and honor him with my life, body, actions, words, and thoughts. And whatever I do, he knows and loves. And that will always keep me going, God makes everything right and ok in my world, because he is my world, and that world NEVER changes. And as for the not good enough feelings, will they dissolve? Probably not, but all I can do is be myself, that won't change.

summer oh-ten

I am so excited to be working at camp hammer. I'm so excited to share life, memories, th0ughts, and love among the other staff members and campers. Life is a constant rush, always doing something to prepare you for your next move. I'm excited to put away technology, physical appearance, and distrations to really concentrate on god and the people and moments around me. I'm excited just to live in the moment. God is bringing us all there to really listen to him again, I know it, and I'm so blessed to be apart of it this year, for 2 months! I can't fathom exactly what the summer will look like. I imagine it being harder, and more incredible then I can think of right now though. The community up at camp is so special, so diverse, and God brought every single person there purposefully. Including me, so I am that much more excited to see what he will use me for, and let me use others. Ah community, and God's love is what I will be swimming in this summer. (and hopefully the pool and redwoods!)
(camp mornings are perfect!)