This week I have really felt a yearning just to slow down and be home, and I love it.
I love my house, it's beautiful and bright.
I love sitting at the kitchen table eating my breakfast and my Mom across from me.
These are the comforts I want to bring into my own household
Thursday, December 30, 2010
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
Friday, December 24, 2010
This is my house on christmas
My mom lives for decorating, and baking. she goes to the extreme, and I'm obsessed with it.
And have no idea how I could possibly do as well as her when I'm a Mother.
Here is our house:
company
Music dancing around the room, and I listen to the sound of the highway which I have now come to love.
These sounds remind me of home.
In the stillness of my room, painting and ignoring the two soft voices.
One whispers "I love you, I love you, I love you"
One shouts "Ignore everything. Your not alright"
It doesn't take me long to realize that I am ok.
I love my life.
These sounds remind me of home.
In the stillness of my room, painting and ignoring the two soft voices.
One whispers "I love you, I love you, I love you"
One shouts "Ignore everything. Your not alright"
It doesn't take me long to realize that I am ok.
I love my life.
Thursday, December 23, 2010
The Bible and science
The Bible is not a history or science text book. To look at it as only that would be to exclude every thing it was created to say- Jesus is Lord. Yet, when it does touch on science or history it has proven accurate and reliable.What the Bible does state, was there before it ever became "scientifically proven". There have been instances in the bible where God has defied "scientific laws", but he is God and can rightly do so. I absolutely loved researching and comparing the Bible and science and finding how it remained true and holy. But to know God is too have faith, so with this blog- by no means would it convert anyone, and I did not intend to do so. But as a encouragement to myself, and others of how vast and huge God is.
According to the Bible; humans, animals, earth, light, dark, atmosphere, ocean, etc., everything was created through and of the Lord. "In the beggining the word already existed. The word was with God, and the word was God. He existed in the beggining with God, and the word was God. God created everything through him, and nothing was created except through him. The word gave life to everything that was created" John 1:1-4. The Bible also states that it is perfect, conceived of the holy spirit, contains no flaws, and is God's breathed word. Not to mention the part where God states he will not allow anyone to change the contents of the book. Yes there are different versions, but that is because we had to translate it. The original manuscripts were written in greek and hebrew- those languages contain words we do not have. Often the words in hebrew or greek; could be three different of our words. For example, we only have on word for love, but hebrew had a few different ones. The main one used in the bible is the word 'Agape', which is used in the Bible to only describes God's love. The word meaning all powerful, or never ceasing.
Evolution: When Moses wrote Genesis (written 1450-1410 bc), mainly the "account of creation" (Genesis 1 and 2). It was written in a poetic form Hebrews used to tell stories, a form that does not exist in english. Darwin really believed in what he taught, but he knew it was not full proof; it was only a theory. Now, the bible does not directly rule out a God lead evolution, but the idea alone that we evolved from a single cell- sounds ludicrous. Darwin expressed that plants, birds, animal, mammals, reptiles, etc. all developed from a common ancestor/ single cell. A belief that gradually one species became another. Darwin himself taught that no species is ever in a state of being still. Which seems to be agreeable. But, does evolution not go against science itself? The first law of thermodynamics states that matter can neither be created or destroyed by natural causes. So if only natural causes are involved... then how did the world and life appear? Nothing doesn't turn into something naturally, it would need God. The biggest "evidence" for evolution is the fossil records. Given, I can not read every discovery and text book, but here is what I did discover: The fossil records claim gradual difference, and the Bible would argue sudden appearances of all the major creatures of the world. And surely all major creatures did micro-evolve by natural selection, but they appeared beforehand. The fossil records show a lot of missing links, as one would call it. Maybe, just maybe, if we only had the fossil records evolution with out God could sound more plausible, but we have more than that. Fossils by any means are not the enemy, they are important, and we should want to learn about them. The question is what do the fossils prove? If you were to examine a fossil bed from the Precambrian era; you would find little to no fossils. But when you look at the next strata of Cambrian fossils you would see a explosion of life! Such as jelly fish, sponges- sea creatures, but no fish. Where did they come from? A non-Christian evolutionist named Dr. Axelrod stated "One of the major problems of evolution is the occurrence of diversified marine invertebrates, and their absence in earlier age. Their high degree of complexity clearly indicates that a long period of evolution proceeded their appearance. However, when we turn to examine the Precambrian rocks they are nowhere to be found!". Sudden appearance. Genesis 1:21 says "So God created sea creatures and every living thing that scurries and swarms in the water", so animals came before humans...every one could agree with that. And sea creatures created before everything else? Well it seems the fossil records agree too. Fossil records also indicate no transition between the sea creatures and fish, fish just appeared. And Genesis 1:20 says "Then God said 'Let the waters swarm with fish and other life'". So how did creatures with no bones, all the sudden have bones and become fish? No on has yet to have concrete proof, only theories. Amphibians also illustrate a gap in the fossil records, scientist said for years that if there was just a tar pit or canyon with undisturbed fossils they were sure to find the "missing link". In 1994, one was found in Wyoming. Steven Stanley, famous author and evolutionist says "It contains a continual deposit of fossils for 5 million years, including the early age of mammal species who were once thought to have turned into others. Instead, to overlap time with their alleged descendants. The fossil record does not convincingly document one single transition.". Scientist have come across a animal which they believe to be a mix between bird and reptile, called the archaeopteryx. But as I stated earlier this would be a result of natural selection, a bird adapting to its surroundings maybe. By any means, this birds fossils overlap with all the other fossils, therefore it is not "the missing link". It too, goes along with the pattern of sudden appearance. The second law of thermodynamics states that everything is in a mode of constant decay (which Ecclesiastes a old testament book, would agree with). So for evolution to say that we moved forward, would be contradictory to a law that was discovered and proven before Darwin. I believe Genesis does not say anything contradictory to what is known about the physical world. God created light and separated it from darkness and called it night and day (Genesis 1:3-5). We do have light during the day, and darkness during the night don't we? Then Genesis 1:6-7 says "Then God said 'Let there be a space between the waters, to separate the waters from heaven and the waters of earth.' God called this space sky.". We have sky and atmosphere do we not? Genesis 1:9-10 explains and references Pangaea because the hebrew words used illustrated the thought of togetherness, or one: "Then God said 'let the waters beneath the sky flow together into one place, so dry ground may appear'. And that is what happened. God called the dry ground 'land' and the waters 'seas'". Does this conflict with science and what we know? At the time the waters were called seas, because Pangaea was in existence which meant it was surrounded by water, and obviously we call dry ground land. Christianity, what was at the time Judaism in the old testament was the oldest, and dare I say it, first religion. All other religions are merely a stem off the God of the Bible. In Genesis God continues to have the ground grow vegetation (which it does), and that days and nights will be marked by seasons, etc. It states the Lord created the earth and all the things in it, in a pattern science has agreed with. God and science are not separate, but God may live outside science. There would surely be no science, with out God who created it. The Bible states one thing for sure; we were made in God's image. We are image bearers of our heavenly father.
Hydrological cycle: It wasn't until the late medival times that people understood the cycle of water, but Ecclesiastes a old testament book written by King Solomon late in his life around 935 B.c says "Rivers run into the sea, but the sea is never full. Then water returns again to the rivers and flows out again to the sea" Ecclesiastes 1:7. The Bible said it first, under the holy spirit Solomon revealed this truth that we now know. That water comes down into the ocean and evaporates, so it doesn't "fill up", and repeats itself.
Meteorological cycle: Ecclesiastes 1:6 also says "The wind blows to the south, and turns north. Around and around it goes, blowing circles.". For thousands of years after this was written people believed the winds were sent from God's- yet here Solomon claims the wind is a circular pattern. North-South.
Purpose of blood: Around the time of Michael Angelo people were preforming autopsies for artistic purposes and trying to figure out why we have blood. People were unaware that blood was necessary to life. Leviticus written by Moses during 1445 BC-1444 Bc, in section 17:11 says "For the life in the body is it's blood."- big reasons why under levitican law you had to shed blood to purify yourself, and why Jesus had to die on the cross.
The pericardium: John, a new testament author and apostle of Jesus Christ wrote in his book "John" written between 85 and 90 AD, said in 19:34 "Instead, one of the soldiers pierced Jesus side with a spear, bringing a sudden flow of blood and water". John would write water because he believed that is what it was- during 85-90 AD they had barely any scientific knowledge. But this was indeed- a scientific phenomenon. Jesus was dead by the time they pierced him, after being heavily beaten and undergone immense physical stress the soldier pierced him in a area close to the heart. This area i called the pericardium- it is a sac that surrounds the heart, and contains a small amount of fluid with the appearance of water- but when the body undergoes heavy stress the amount of fluid increases and the sac expands. when the Roman soldier speared Jesus he went through the pericardium and into the right side of his heart- which is filled with blood even after death. So when the spear was withdrawn, it would make sense that blood and "water" would pour out.
The world is a circle: This may seem so small and obvious of a discovery to us, but it was a HUGE deal when they discovered the earth isn't a flat square. Sailors believed that if you sailed into the horizon...you'd eventually fall off. Many other religions and tribal stories backed this theory up, it was unheard of that the earth would be a circle. But Isaiah 40:22 says "God sits above the circle of the earth, people seem like grasshoppers to him.". And the Hebrew word used for circle means sphere or round.
Sickness: Many religions believed that if you were sick it was because the God's were upset, but the Bible would be the first to reveal laws of sanitation. Moses commanded people to not go near sick or dead people (Leviticus 13,15,19), and he instructed to wash yourself after touching these things. God instructed us to stay away from those sorts of things because he knew that it caused sickness, during Moses's time they thought it was purely for religious reasons. Science would agree that touching sick, or dead people causes diseases and you should wash yourself afterwards.
Reasons for rainbows: Genesis 6-9 tells the story of Noah and the ark. God was so dissapointed (Genesis 6:6 says "it broke his heart") in his creation and the evil lives they were carrying out, he decides to flood the earth and kill every living creature on it. But Noah and his family find favor and build a huge ark, plastering it with tar inside and out so it'll be waterproof. The story says that it took the earth 12 and a half months for the flood to be done and dried. Then Noah and hi family sacrificed and Genesis 8:21-22 says "And the Lord was pleased with the aroma of the sacrifice and said to himself "I will never again curse the ground because of human race, even though everything they think or imagine is bent toward evil from childhood. I will never again destroy all living things. As long as the earth remains, there will be planting and harvest, cold and heat, summer and winter, day and night". And God confirms this promise/covenant with Noah by a rainbow. "Then God said, "I am giving you a sign of my covenant with you and with all living creatures for all generations to come. I have placed my rainbow in the clouds. It is the sign of my covenant with you and all the earth. When I send clouds over the earth, the rainbow will appear in the clouds, and I will remember my covenant with you and all living creatures. Never again will the floodwaters destroy all life. When I see the rainbow in the clouds, I will remember the eternal covenant between God and every living creature on the Earth" Genesis 9:12-16. So we have rainbows for this reason, see a rainbow and remind yourself of God and his love, and his promise to us. It appears in the clouds, none of this disagrees with science, but could science tell you the reason for their appearance? Besides particles of light, and reflections creating a rainbow or whatever. No.
And there is seriously so much more, people devote their lives to finding science and bible verses matching. We just have no excuse for not believing in God, he is surely not hiding. The fact that the world is spinning a thousand miles a second and not falling out of orbit- or into the sun which is far bigger then us is crazy. Surely there is a great design, and a even greater designer. (Jeremiah 32:38-41, Isiah 43:4, Hosea 6:6)
We are God's children: 1John 3:1
His Bride: Hosea 2:19-20
His creation: Psalm 139:13-14
and friends: Romans 5:11
God is screaming for our attention: Isaiah 1:18-19, Isiah 30:18-19
According to the Bible; humans, animals, earth, light, dark, atmosphere, ocean, etc., everything was created through and of the Lord. "In the beggining the word already existed. The word was with God, and the word was God. He existed in the beggining with God, and the word was God. God created everything through him, and nothing was created except through him. The word gave life to everything that was created" John 1:1-4. The Bible also states that it is perfect, conceived of the holy spirit, contains no flaws, and is God's breathed word. Not to mention the part where God states he will not allow anyone to change the contents of the book. Yes there are different versions, but that is because we had to translate it. The original manuscripts were written in greek and hebrew- those languages contain words we do not have. Often the words in hebrew or greek; could be three different of our words. For example, we only have on word for love, but hebrew had a few different ones. The main one used in the bible is the word 'Agape', which is used in the Bible to only describes God's love. The word meaning all powerful, or never ceasing.
Evolution: When Moses wrote Genesis (written 1450-1410 bc), mainly the "account of creation" (Genesis 1 and 2). It was written in a poetic form Hebrews used to tell stories, a form that does not exist in english. Darwin really believed in what he taught, but he knew it was not full proof; it was only a theory. Now, the bible does not directly rule out a God lead evolution, but the idea alone that we evolved from a single cell- sounds ludicrous. Darwin expressed that plants, birds, animal, mammals, reptiles, etc. all developed from a common ancestor/ single cell. A belief that gradually one species became another. Darwin himself taught that no species is ever in a state of being still. Which seems to be agreeable. But, does evolution not go against science itself? The first law of thermodynamics states that matter can neither be created or destroyed by natural causes. So if only natural causes are involved... then how did the world and life appear? Nothing doesn't turn into something naturally, it would need God. The biggest "evidence" for evolution is the fossil records. Given, I can not read every discovery and text book, but here is what I did discover: The fossil records claim gradual difference, and the Bible would argue sudden appearances of all the major creatures of the world. And surely all major creatures did micro-evolve by natural selection, but they appeared beforehand. The fossil records show a lot of missing links, as one would call it. Maybe, just maybe, if we only had the fossil records evolution with out God could sound more plausible, but we have more than that. Fossils by any means are not the enemy, they are important, and we should want to learn about them. The question is what do the fossils prove? If you were to examine a fossil bed from the Precambrian era; you would find little to no fossils. But when you look at the next strata of Cambrian fossils you would see a explosion of life! Such as jelly fish, sponges- sea creatures, but no fish. Where did they come from? A non-Christian evolutionist named Dr. Axelrod stated "One of the major problems of evolution is the occurrence of diversified marine invertebrates, and their absence in earlier age. Their high degree of complexity clearly indicates that a long period of evolution proceeded their appearance. However, when we turn to examine the Precambrian rocks they are nowhere to be found!". Sudden appearance. Genesis 1:21 says "So God created sea creatures and every living thing that scurries and swarms in the water", so animals came before humans...every one could agree with that. And sea creatures created before everything else? Well it seems the fossil records agree too. Fossil records also indicate no transition between the sea creatures and fish, fish just appeared. And Genesis 1:20 says "Then God said 'Let the waters swarm with fish and other life'". So how did creatures with no bones, all the sudden have bones and become fish? No on has yet to have concrete proof, only theories. Amphibians also illustrate a gap in the fossil records, scientist said for years that if there was just a tar pit or canyon with undisturbed fossils they were sure to find the "missing link". In 1994, one was found in Wyoming. Steven Stanley, famous author and evolutionist says "It contains a continual deposit of fossils for 5 million years, including the early age of mammal species who were once thought to have turned into others. Instead, to overlap time with their alleged descendants. The fossil record does not convincingly document one single transition.". Scientist have come across a animal which they believe to be a mix between bird and reptile, called the archaeopteryx. But as I stated earlier this would be a result of natural selection, a bird adapting to its surroundings maybe. By any means, this birds fossils overlap with all the other fossils, therefore it is not "the missing link". It too, goes along with the pattern of sudden appearance. The second law of thermodynamics states that everything is in a mode of constant decay (which Ecclesiastes a old testament book, would agree with). So for evolution to say that we moved forward, would be contradictory to a law that was discovered and proven before Darwin. I believe Genesis does not say anything contradictory to what is known about the physical world. God created light and separated it from darkness and called it night and day (Genesis 1:3-5). We do have light during the day, and darkness during the night don't we? Then Genesis 1:6-7 says "Then God said 'Let there be a space between the waters, to separate the waters from heaven and the waters of earth.' God called this space sky.". We have sky and atmosphere do we not? Genesis 1:9-10 explains and references Pangaea because the hebrew words used illustrated the thought of togetherness, or one: "Then God said 'let the waters beneath the sky flow together into one place, so dry ground may appear'. And that is what happened. God called the dry ground 'land' and the waters 'seas'". Does this conflict with science and what we know? At the time the waters were called seas, because Pangaea was in existence which meant it was surrounded by water, and obviously we call dry ground land. Christianity, what was at the time Judaism in the old testament was the oldest, and dare I say it, first religion. All other religions are merely a stem off the God of the Bible. In Genesis God continues to have the ground grow vegetation (which it does), and that days and nights will be marked by seasons, etc. It states the Lord created the earth and all the things in it, in a pattern science has agreed with. God and science are not separate, but God may live outside science. There would surely be no science, with out God who created it. The Bible states one thing for sure; we were made in God's image. We are image bearers of our heavenly father.
Hydrological cycle: It wasn't until the late medival times that people understood the cycle of water, but Ecclesiastes a old testament book written by King Solomon late in his life around 935 B.c says "Rivers run into the sea, but the sea is never full. Then water returns again to the rivers and flows out again to the sea" Ecclesiastes 1:7. The Bible said it first, under the holy spirit Solomon revealed this truth that we now know. That water comes down into the ocean and evaporates, so it doesn't "fill up", and repeats itself.
Meteorological cycle: Ecclesiastes 1:6 also says "The wind blows to the south, and turns north. Around and around it goes, blowing circles.". For thousands of years after this was written people believed the winds were sent from God's- yet here Solomon claims the wind is a circular pattern. North-South.
Purpose of blood: Around the time of Michael Angelo people were preforming autopsies for artistic purposes and trying to figure out why we have blood. People were unaware that blood was necessary to life. Leviticus written by Moses during 1445 BC-1444 Bc, in section 17:11 says "For the life in the body is it's blood."- big reasons why under levitican law you had to shed blood to purify yourself, and why Jesus had to die on the cross.
The pericardium: John, a new testament author and apostle of Jesus Christ wrote in his book "John" written between 85 and 90 AD, said in 19:34 "Instead, one of the soldiers pierced Jesus side with a spear, bringing a sudden flow of blood and water". John would write water because he believed that is what it was- during 85-90 AD they had barely any scientific knowledge. But this was indeed- a scientific phenomenon. Jesus was dead by the time they pierced him, after being heavily beaten and undergone immense physical stress the soldier pierced him in a area close to the heart. This area i called the pericardium- it is a sac that surrounds the heart, and contains a small amount of fluid with the appearance of water- but when the body undergoes heavy stress the amount of fluid increases and the sac expands. when the Roman soldier speared Jesus he went through the pericardium and into the right side of his heart- which is filled with blood even after death. So when the spear was withdrawn, it would make sense that blood and "water" would pour out.
The world is a circle: This may seem so small and obvious of a discovery to us, but it was a HUGE deal when they discovered the earth isn't a flat square. Sailors believed that if you sailed into the horizon...you'd eventually fall off. Many other religions and tribal stories backed this theory up, it was unheard of that the earth would be a circle. But Isaiah 40:22 says "God sits above the circle of the earth, people seem like grasshoppers to him.". And the Hebrew word used for circle means sphere or round.
Sickness: Many religions believed that if you were sick it was because the God's were upset, but the Bible would be the first to reveal laws of sanitation. Moses commanded people to not go near sick or dead people (Leviticus 13,15,19), and he instructed to wash yourself after touching these things. God instructed us to stay away from those sorts of things because he knew that it caused sickness, during Moses's time they thought it was purely for religious reasons. Science would agree that touching sick, or dead people causes diseases and you should wash yourself afterwards.
Reasons for rainbows: Genesis 6-9 tells the story of Noah and the ark. God was so dissapointed (Genesis 6:6 says "it broke his heart") in his creation and the evil lives they were carrying out, he decides to flood the earth and kill every living creature on it. But Noah and his family find favor and build a huge ark, plastering it with tar inside and out so it'll be waterproof. The story says that it took the earth 12 and a half months for the flood to be done and dried. Then Noah and hi family sacrificed and Genesis 8:21-22 says "And the Lord was pleased with the aroma of the sacrifice and said to himself "I will never again curse the ground because of human race, even though everything they think or imagine is bent toward evil from childhood. I will never again destroy all living things. As long as the earth remains, there will be planting and harvest, cold and heat, summer and winter, day and night". And God confirms this promise/covenant with Noah by a rainbow. "Then God said, "I am giving you a sign of my covenant with you and with all living creatures for all generations to come. I have placed my rainbow in the clouds. It is the sign of my covenant with you and all the earth. When I send clouds over the earth, the rainbow will appear in the clouds, and I will remember my covenant with you and all living creatures. Never again will the floodwaters destroy all life. When I see the rainbow in the clouds, I will remember the eternal covenant between God and every living creature on the Earth" Genesis 9:12-16. So we have rainbows for this reason, see a rainbow and remind yourself of God and his love, and his promise to us. It appears in the clouds, none of this disagrees with science, but could science tell you the reason for their appearance? Besides particles of light, and reflections creating a rainbow or whatever. No.
And there is seriously so much more, people devote their lives to finding science and bible verses matching. We just have no excuse for not believing in God, he is surely not hiding. The fact that the world is spinning a thousand miles a second and not falling out of orbit- or into the sun which is far bigger then us is crazy. Surely there is a great design, and a even greater designer. (Jeremiah 32:38-41, Isiah 43:4, Hosea 6:6)
We are God's children: 1John 3:1
His Bride: Hosea 2:19-20
His creation: Psalm 139:13-14
and friends: Romans 5:11
God is screaming for our attention: Isaiah 1:18-19, Isiah 30:18-19
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
Sunday, December 19, 2010
It's like
breaking a body part, it heals, but it's so much easier for it to break the second time.
And when you think about how you broke it, it just makes you angry because you think of all the ways you could of done something different, could of prevented it.
But it was God's plan for you to break that part, wasn't it?
God broke it, and will heal it.
"weep no more. He will be gracious if you ask for help. He will surely respond to the sound of your cries. Though the Lord gave you adversity for food, and suffering for drink, he will still be with you to teach you" Isaiah 30:19-20
"Come, let us return to the Lord. He has torn us to pieces; now he will heal us. He has injured us; now he will bandage our wounds. In just a short time he will restore us, so that we may live in his presence. Oh, that we might know the Lord! Let us press on to know him. He will surely respond to us as surely as the arrival of dawn or the coming of rains in early spring." Hosea 6:1-3
And when you think about how you broke it, it just makes you angry because you think of all the ways you could of done something different, could of prevented it.
But it was God's plan for you to break that part, wasn't it?
God broke it, and will heal it.
"weep no more. He will be gracious if you ask for help. He will surely respond to the sound of your cries. Though the Lord gave you adversity for food, and suffering for drink, he will still be with you to teach you" Isaiah 30:19-20
"Come, let us return to the Lord. He has torn us to pieces; now he will heal us. He has injured us; now he will bandage our wounds. In just a short time he will restore us, so that we may live in his presence. Oh, that we might know the Lord! Let us press on to know him. He will surely respond to us as surely as the arrival of dawn or the coming of rains in early spring." Hosea 6:1-3
Monday, December 13, 2010
Dumbfounded.
Speechless because of The Lords majestic works.
I asked him for classes and teachers where I could do his will. He did just that.
He is making senior year into a incredible one, just as the holy spirit had me pray going into this year. He delivers me verses, quotes, songs, and frienships that all add up like a puzzle to create this picture of who he is.
Relentless, and unexplainable.
I am learning more and more that Jesus is Lord.
And how much he does not need me, he doesn't need me to follow him or to advise him- he doesn't need me at all.
But how great his desire is for me anyways.
He...desires...me.
the Lord is ALWAYS at work, never ceasing.
If I did nothing, he would still be God.
But because he is god, he leads me to do something, and all those "somethings" just lead me right back to him.
I love you SO much.
I asked him for classes and teachers where I could do his will. He did just that.
He is making senior year into a incredible one, just as the holy spirit had me pray going into this year. He delivers me verses, quotes, songs, and frienships that all add up like a puzzle to create this picture of who he is.
Relentless, and unexplainable.
I am learning more and more that Jesus is Lord.
And how much he does not need me, he doesn't need me to follow him or to advise him- he doesn't need me at all.
But how great his desire is for me anyways.
He...desires...me.
the Lord is ALWAYS at work, never ceasing.
If I did nothing, he would still be God.
But because he is god, he leads me to do something, and all those "somethings" just lead me right back to him.
I love you SO much.
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
Under levitican law
you were required to give the best of your cattle, or unleavened bread, or whatever the law you were following required.
so it makes me wonder why I don't feel like I give my best to the Lord?
he deserves the best parts of me, not the last parts.
so it makes me wonder why I don't feel like I give my best to the Lord?
he deserves the best parts of me, not the last parts.
Sunday, December 5, 2010
Allow me to introduce my family
This is my Dad his: name is Henry:
I really really adore him. It's not that he's taught me a lot, or that we are really close; I just really appreciate him. My Dad and Sister were always really close growing up; I never thought he liked me that much. It was me and my Mom on a team and my Dad and Sister on another team; we would always take sides in arguments. But it's different now. My Dad has the sweetest intentions, he is a lawyer so he knows how to talk and handle people well. And he always seems to be right. He grew up as an army brat who traveled everywhere with his family- he moved almost every 6 months- except for 8 years when he lived in Germany. He is half German half Chinese- full angel. He is the most neat and meticulous man I have ever met. He likes looking put together and always asks me what I think of a shirt he buys, or if I like his outfit. I think it's really sweet. I've noticed that I'm really attracted to guys like my Dad: neat, meticulous, wise, and have a gentle spirit about them. My Dad is a very gentle man, I wonder if it is because his Father was full Chinese and they are brought up differently. My Dad has this great understanding of the world and what I call "patterns of life". My Dad and I kind of became closer in 2008 when I became a Christian- because he drove me everywhere. After 2701 mostly, we would have these great talks. He doesn't know God really, but whenever he speaks of him- it makes sense. I think I really trust the Lord's provision because my Dad is the ultimate provider, he does everything for me, and so I really expect that from the Lord. My Dad does everything I ask of him (that is not utterly ridiculous, not that I'd ask for anything he couldn't give me). And I see that connection with God, that I only ask for things that is biblical- things that he would like to provide- and that he does work in everything I request.
This is my Mom: Gerianne:
She has taught me a lot, really. Because she has shown me a lot of what I don't want to be, and what I do want to be. She may not be the most positive example of anything in my life, but I am so thankful for her. God gave her to me as a Mother with so much purpose. My Mom is hilarious, I can't help that I see so much of her in myself. She has this forever young and playful heart. Especially with my Dad, she is always joking, or making weird noises, singing, and just goofing off with him. And I am totally that kind of girlfriend- a weird one, a playful one. Something that I love that my Mom has illustrated for me is how important communication is in a marriage- my Mom does not hold back any thoughts from my Dad. she is downright honest. Anything she's carrying, worrying, or excited about she'll tell it to my Dad over and over again. Thats something I desire in relationships- my partner to be my best friend and for them to listen. I could rave for hours alone on my Mom's cooking. It's incredible- she lives to serve people in that way. She will spend relentless hours in a kitchen just to create something beautiful and tasty. when I was younger she would make me cupcakes or cakes every year to bring to class- always a different theme. One year, when I was really little my birthday was cinderella themed so she spent like 2 days making a cake with a bridge on top over looking water with prince charming and cinderella on it, and she made another cake that was just the glass slipper. Don't even get me started on my Sister's ariel themed party. My Mom LOVES glamour, and decoration. You should see our house every year for Christmas. She is very stubborn, passionate, and head strong. If she wants something- she doesn't stop until she gets it. She's been a respiratory therapist at Stanford hospital for 23 years or something, and she got bored and only works once a week to become a cosmetologist. And now she works in a salon doing hair, and absolutely loves it. she desired to recreate herself and she did it. I think that is a big part I have gained from her- I work to change things I don't like. And my Mom is extremely affectionate, and very sincere when she speaks- which I seem to carry those qualities too.
This is my older Sister: Gina:
Growing up my sister and I used to fight all the time. One time we went through this phase of wrestling, but she would always end up crying because I have always been bigger and stronger then she. I don't know if I could call us super close- she's older and I don't see her or really talk to her all that often. But when we get together it's the best. I really love my Sister. She is a cosmetologist too and lives for fashion and makeup. My Sister has undergone some crazy changes. She was always this shy red-headed girl with really long hair and a great smile then total prep- then she became emo- then scene- then whatever she is now. but she really came out of her shell, my sister is the life of the party. She has become such a social butterfly, and always sticks out among crowds. People notice her. She has these really strong values that she upholds and I always wonder what her source is. (No one in my family is Christian-especially Gina). She is such a confident beautiful young women, and I really love her. She's all about advice, always advising her friends- or me when I ask for it. She is a incredible listener. She just wants to have fun- and whoever is with her is with her and whoever isn't she doesn't care- she totally gets that from my Mom. My Sister is very anti-affectionate, just like my Dad, they both HATE being touched. And they both have the same teeth. My sister is very opinionated. She lives as if there is no tomorrow, she is always all there wherever she is.
and then there is me: Gabriella:
I am a people person, definetly a extrovert. I've always had this heart that has felt misplaced, that never felt like I belonged to anything here. I grew up feeling very different, very unusual, very meant for bigger things. I guess that was the holy spirit in me at a young age. and I'm continually realizing that I do belong somewhere, and I'm excited about it. I'm the kind of person who will have one general focus, and everything I do in my life will be shaped around that. Growing up my focus was that I wanted to be a fashion designer when I was older- so I would spend hours in my room putting together outfits, in middle school I even started sewing my own skirts. I wasn't very good, and they would all end up being really short, and the pleats would be all off- but i loved it anyways. then 8th grade until sophomore year of high school my passion was drama, and everything I did revolved around the drama program and class. I used to spend every Wedsnesday taking singing lessons, then I would come home and record myself doing monologues,dancing, and singing. Then sophomore year drama passion took a back seat and everything began to run around Christ- every action i took revolved around the fact that he is God. And I am positive that is the only label or description I would ever want upon myself- Christ follower. i'm very particular about somethings, like always having my hands clean. I always make sure that after I go to the bathroom i open the door then I wash my hands so I don't have to touch the knob afterwards- I always wonder if people notice or think thats weird. I'm one of those people who never says no, I want to do everything. I'm always over booked with appointments to meet, pray, and be with people. but I really love that. I guess it's because over summer I really acknowledged that time was not my own and that I needed to use it to serve- that I asked God that I could remember to put my desires down so that I may offer myself as a living sacrifice- and not let anything like time or money keep me from helping someone.
I used to always wonder why God gave me this family out of any other, we were never (and maybe never will be) one of those families that loves being together or that runs smoothly. I have always picked up that there isn't much love in my family at all. But it has really taught all the ways in which loves disguises itself to live in our world. I see love in my Mom by the way she will worry about me and my sister. I see love in my Dad by the way he advises and processes aloud with my family. I see love in my Sister in the way she doesn't pretend to be anything she's not. I see love in myself in the way I will just laugh and be with them. All I know is the Lord prepared my mother and Father their entire life to have me and my sister as their child, knowing that I'd become a Christian, and that my sister is...everything she is. God knew. I'm positive my walk with Jesus would not be as strong or as my own as it is- if it wasn't for the family I have. Sometimes I feel like I have no way to relate to them at all, and God always humbles and stretches me in my love and patience with them- and is teaching me more how important family is. My family is definetly a challenging one, but fruitful none of the less. I appreciate and love my family. (but I'm more than excited to start my own someday-completely different)
I really really adore him. It's not that he's taught me a lot, or that we are really close; I just really appreciate him. My Dad and Sister were always really close growing up; I never thought he liked me that much. It was me and my Mom on a team and my Dad and Sister on another team; we would always take sides in arguments. But it's different now. My Dad has the sweetest intentions, he is a lawyer so he knows how to talk and handle people well. And he always seems to be right. He grew up as an army brat who traveled everywhere with his family- he moved almost every 6 months- except for 8 years when he lived in Germany. He is half German half Chinese- full angel. He is the most neat and meticulous man I have ever met. He likes looking put together and always asks me what I think of a shirt he buys, or if I like his outfit. I think it's really sweet. I've noticed that I'm really attracted to guys like my Dad: neat, meticulous, wise, and have a gentle spirit about them. My Dad is a very gentle man, I wonder if it is because his Father was full Chinese and they are brought up differently. My Dad has this great understanding of the world and what I call "patterns of life". My Dad and I kind of became closer in 2008 when I became a Christian- because he drove me everywhere. After 2701 mostly, we would have these great talks. He doesn't know God really, but whenever he speaks of him- it makes sense. I think I really trust the Lord's provision because my Dad is the ultimate provider, he does everything for me, and so I really expect that from the Lord. My Dad does everything I ask of him (that is not utterly ridiculous, not that I'd ask for anything he couldn't give me). And I see that connection with God, that I only ask for things that is biblical- things that he would like to provide- and that he does work in everything I request.
This is my Mom: Gerianne:
She has taught me a lot, really. Because she has shown me a lot of what I don't want to be, and what I do want to be. She may not be the most positive example of anything in my life, but I am so thankful for her. God gave her to me as a Mother with so much purpose. My Mom is hilarious, I can't help that I see so much of her in myself. She has this forever young and playful heart. Especially with my Dad, she is always joking, or making weird noises, singing, and just goofing off with him. And I am totally that kind of girlfriend- a weird one, a playful one. Something that I love that my Mom has illustrated for me is how important communication is in a marriage- my Mom does not hold back any thoughts from my Dad. she is downright honest. Anything she's carrying, worrying, or excited about she'll tell it to my Dad over and over again. Thats something I desire in relationships- my partner to be my best friend and for them to listen. I could rave for hours alone on my Mom's cooking. It's incredible- she lives to serve people in that way. She will spend relentless hours in a kitchen just to create something beautiful and tasty. when I was younger she would make me cupcakes or cakes every year to bring to class- always a different theme. One year, when I was really little my birthday was cinderella themed so she spent like 2 days making a cake with a bridge on top over looking water with prince charming and cinderella on it, and she made another cake that was just the glass slipper. Don't even get me started on my Sister's ariel themed party. My Mom LOVES glamour, and decoration. You should see our house every year for Christmas. She is very stubborn, passionate, and head strong. If she wants something- she doesn't stop until she gets it. She's been a respiratory therapist at Stanford hospital for 23 years or something, and she got bored and only works once a week to become a cosmetologist. And now she works in a salon doing hair, and absolutely loves it. she desired to recreate herself and she did it. I think that is a big part I have gained from her- I work to change things I don't like. And my Mom is extremely affectionate, and very sincere when she speaks- which I seem to carry those qualities too.
This is my older Sister: Gina:
Growing up my sister and I used to fight all the time. One time we went through this phase of wrestling, but she would always end up crying because I have always been bigger and stronger then she. I don't know if I could call us super close- she's older and I don't see her or really talk to her all that often. But when we get together it's the best. I really love my Sister. She is a cosmetologist too and lives for fashion and makeup. My Sister has undergone some crazy changes. She was always this shy red-headed girl with really long hair and a great smile then total prep- then she became emo- then scene- then whatever she is now. but she really came out of her shell, my sister is the life of the party. She has become such a social butterfly, and always sticks out among crowds. People notice her. She has these really strong values that she upholds and I always wonder what her source is. (No one in my family is Christian-especially Gina). She is such a confident beautiful young women, and I really love her. She's all about advice, always advising her friends- or me when I ask for it. She is a incredible listener. She just wants to have fun- and whoever is with her is with her and whoever isn't she doesn't care- she totally gets that from my Mom. My Sister is very anti-affectionate, just like my Dad, they both HATE being touched. And they both have the same teeth. My sister is very opinionated. She lives as if there is no tomorrow, she is always all there wherever she is.
and then there is me: Gabriella:
I am a people person, definetly a extrovert. I've always had this heart that has felt misplaced, that never felt like I belonged to anything here. I grew up feeling very different, very unusual, very meant for bigger things. I guess that was the holy spirit in me at a young age. and I'm continually realizing that I do belong somewhere, and I'm excited about it. I'm the kind of person who will have one general focus, and everything I do in my life will be shaped around that. Growing up my focus was that I wanted to be a fashion designer when I was older- so I would spend hours in my room putting together outfits, in middle school I even started sewing my own skirts. I wasn't very good, and they would all end up being really short, and the pleats would be all off- but i loved it anyways. then 8th grade until sophomore year of high school my passion was drama, and everything I did revolved around the drama program and class. I used to spend every Wedsnesday taking singing lessons, then I would come home and record myself doing monologues,dancing, and singing. Then sophomore year drama passion took a back seat and everything began to run around Christ- every action i took revolved around the fact that he is God. And I am positive that is the only label or description I would ever want upon myself- Christ follower. i'm very particular about somethings, like always having my hands clean. I always make sure that after I go to the bathroom i open the door then I wash my hands so I don't have to touch the knob afterwards- I always wonder if people notice or think thats weird. I'm one of those people who never says no, I want to do everything. I'm always over booked with appointments to meet, pray, and be with people. but I really love that. I guess it's because over summer I really acknowledged that time was not my own and that I needed to use it to serve- that I asked God that I could remember to put my desires down so that I may offer myself as a living sacrifice- and not let anything like time or money keep me from helping someone.I used to always wonder why God gave me this family out of any other, we were never (and maybe never will be) one of those families that loves being together or that runs smoothly. I have always picked up that there isn't much love in my family at all. But it has really taught all the ways in which loves disguises itself to live in our world. I see love in my Mom by the way she will worry about me and my sister. I see love in my Dad by the way he advises and processes aloud with my family. I see love in my Sister in the way she doesn't pretend to be anything she's not. I see love in myself in the way I will just laugh and be with them. All I know is the Lord prepared my mother and Father their entire life to have me and my sister as their child, knowing that I'd become a Christian, and that my sister is...everything she is. God knew. I'm positive my walk with Jesus would not be as strong or as my own as it is- if it wasn't for the family I have. Sometimes I feel like I have no way to relate to them at all, and God always humbles and stretches me in my love and patience with them- and is teaching me more how important family is. My family is definetly a challenging one, but fruitful none of the less. I appreciate and love my family. (but I'm more than excited to start my own someday-completely different)
Thursday, December 2, 2010
Ephesians 6:10-18
" Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the Lord’s people."
C.S. Lewis writes: “There are two equal and opposite
errors into which our race can fall about the devils. One is
to disbelieve in their existence. The other is to believe,
and to feel an excessive and unhealthy interest in them.
They themselves are equally pleased by both errors...”
C.S. Lewis writes: “There are two equal and opposite
errors into which our race can fall about the devils. One is
to disbelieve in their existence. The other is to believe,
and to feel an excessive and unhealthy interest in them.
They themselves are equally pleased by both errors...”
Monday, November 29, 2010
It's 3:36 am.
I was sleeping soundly ( as most people should) during this hour to wake up because suddenly I have a bloody nose. Thing about me is I get bloody noses frequently, and randomly. But not usually like this, this was bad, and random, I was paralyzed in my bed, face up because I didn't want to dare move and get blood everywhere. So I sat there, and grossly just began to swallow. (which I hate doing)
I began to pray "God please take away this bloody nose, please take away this bloody nose, Lord please..."
Nothing happened. I sat there, distraught and lazy, reluctant to get up and get a tissue.
The blood was still creeping down my throat like a calm river when I tried again: "Lord, I ask you again; in your name. Could you demonstrate your glory to me, and just heal me of this bloody nose? You say ask for anything in your name and I will receive, God please stop this, I hate it. Amen"
And it stopped
I swear mid-drip, everything stopped. And I'm thankful for the clear, obvious display of his power. Because there is no possible way for me to take credit, or deny that my nose was no longer bleeding.
I don't know if you've ever had bloody noses, but after they are even beggining to stop, you still need to be extra cautious.
So I sat up, honestly kind of shocked, and it was like nothing even happened.
So I'm writing a reminder; to believers and unbelievers alike (because sometimes we're not that different).
and my reminder is this; The Lord is God.
His name alone. Is praiseworthy.
Put away everything he does and has done for us, the fact that he exists at all; we should be trembeling at his feet with reverent fear and love for him.
Out of laziness, and I a sinner; God displayed mercy and healing.
He does that.
Because we are to show his glory. He uses us to display how awesome he is.
Healing is kind of something crazy to me, because I have prayed over people and watch them be healed. Have you ever experienced that?
I have really terrible feet and I remember just really asking The Lord that he could heal them for that day, that if he would just seep away the pain I could work more efficiently and it would be great. And instantly; he did.
And honestly, it always kind of freeks me out. I have to second guess it; I'll sit up like I did with my bloody nose, or I'll take a few steps to see if it really doesn't hurt anymore.
I test out God's work.....
Which is wrong, and what a example of how human's are in our faith!
He delivers and we continue to be think "Is this really gone? Or is this really something or other?" and half-ass walk until we receive affirmation, as if there isn't any evidence of God at all?
Or is that just me? I am a second guesser, I see miracles, and then I'm like "wait....am I sure about this?"
There is this story in the old testament where God is speaking to the Israelites, he begins and they all cover there ears and fall flat to the ground on their face because his voice alone is something that stirs up so much emotion, the Israelites had no choice but to flee their hard heart from it.
Joshua puts his face on the ground, unable to move because of the Lord: "But the Lord said to Joshua, "Get up! Why are you lying on your face like this? Israel has sinned and broken my covenant! They have stolen some of the things that I have commanded must be set apart for me. And they have not only stolen them but have lied and hidden the things among their belongings...Get up! command the people to purify themselves...Hidden among you, O Israel, are things set apart for the Lord. You will never defeat your enemies until you remove these things from among you." Joshua 7:10-13
Wow, does that blare loud in your ears like it does to mine?
The Lord says this to me: "Gabriella, what are you doing? I have directed you towards what you've been asking for, leading you this entire time, yet now you are lazy and sitting on your face! Get up! It is your sins that weigh you down, ask for forgiveness, seek forgiveness, just get up, just move." And thats only the first part. Anywhere in your life that God is revealing you need to move in? Being lazy in any area? "Don't put it off; do it now! Don't rest until you do!" Proverbs 6:4
The Lord has called us to be his own, to be friends of God. If that doesn't make you want to fall on your face in praise...then there may be some hard hearts among you. What is set apart for him that you are not giving back to him; your body, your heart, your time, your talents, your entire life? You will never defeat your enemies until this idol is removed. Need obedience? Maybe just the beggining desire for it? Ask for it, so God's glory can shine through in your own life.
I'm convinced that the Lord finds our desires- not too strong- but too weak. It's not the desire we have for sin that controls us, but our lack of desire for what we need, and what is real that takes hold of us. We settle. Because sin is something that promises what it won't deliver, something that is lies.
Maybe your having sex, because it resembles something your were made for; love.
Maybe your acting in pride because it resembles a truth when used in a certain way; humility.
Maybe your gossiping because it resembles a former, yet remaining truth; that our words have power.
What if we, as Christians, didn't settle?
What if we got off our faces in obedience, and seeked what we were made for?
Seek God.
Seek him in every circumstance, because he is there. Whether you see him, believe him; or not. He doesn't cease power for our ignorance.
Because he is God, because he works, because he loves.
He uses everything for his glory, are your eyes seeing that?
"Keep on asking, and you will receive what you ask for. Keep on seeking, and you will find. Keep on knocking, and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks, receives. Everyone who seeks, finds. And to everyone who knocks, the door will be opened" Matthew 7:7-8
"Don't worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done." Philppians 4:6
God is the Father, so you should ask him. He knows what you need, but out of love and gentleness; he's waiting for you to see that you need it too.
He loves us.
So at 4:18 in the morning I say this: he hears us, he loves us, he's with us. Go back to him, it is better to be walking with a broken leg then to not be walking at all.
I began to pray "God please take away this bloody nose, please take away this bloody nose, Lord please..."
Nothing happened. I sat there, distraught and lazy, reluctant to get up and get a tissue.
The blood was still creeping down my throat like a calm river when I tried again: "Lord, I ask you again; in your name. Could you demonstrate your glory to me, and just heal me of this bloody nose? You say ask for anything in your name and I will receive, God please stop this, I hate it. Amen"
And it stopped
I swear mid-drip, everything stopped. And I'm thankful for the clear, obvious display of his power. Because there is no possible way for me to take credit, or deny that my nose was no longer bleeding.
I don't know if you've ever had bloody noses, but after they are even beggining to stop, you still need to be extra cautious.
So I sat up, honestly kind of shocked, and it was like nothing even happened.
So I'm writing a reminder; to believers and unbelievers alike (because sometimes we're not that different).
and my reminder is this; The Lord is God.
His name alone. Is praiseworthy.
Put away everything he does and has done for us, the fact that he exists at all; we should be trembeling at his feet with reverent fear and love for him.
Out of laziness, and I a sinner; God displayed mercy and healing.
He does that.
Because we are to show his glory. He uses us to display how awesome he is.
Healing is kind of something crazy to me, because I have prayed over people and watch them be healed. Have you ever experienced that?
I have really terrible feet and I remember just really asking The Lord that he could heal them for that day, that if he would just seep away the pain I could work more efficiently and it would be great. And instantly; he did.
And honestly, it always kind of freeks me out. I have to second guess it; I'll sit up like I did with my bloody nose, or I'll take a few steps to see if it really doesn't hurt anymore.
I test out God's work.....
Which is wrong, and what a example of how human's are in our faith!
He delivers and we continue to be think "Is this really gone? Or is this really something or other?" and half-ass walk until we receive affirmation, as if there isn't any evidence of God at all?
Or is that just me? I am a second guesser, I see miracles, and then I'm like "wait....am I sure about this?"
There is this story in the old testament where God is speaking to the Israelites, he begins and they all cover there ears and fall flat to the ground on their face because his voice alone is something that stirs up so much emotion, the Israelites had no choice but to flee their hard heart from it.
Joshua puts his face on the ground, unable to move because of the Lord: "But the Lord said to Joshua, "Get up! Why are you lying on your face like this? Israel has sinned and broken my covenant! They have stolen some of the things that I have commanded must be set apart for me. And they have not only stolen them but have lied and hidden the things among their belongings...Get up! command the people to purify themselves...Hidden among you, O Israel, are things set apart for the Lord. You will never defeat your enemies until you remove these things from among you." Joshua 7:10-13
Wow, does that blare loud in your ears like it does to mine?
The Lord says this to me: "Gabriella, what are you doing? I have directed you towards what you've been asking for, leading you this entire time, yet now you are lazy and sitting on your face! Get up! It is your sins that weigh you down, ask for forgiveness, seek forgiveness, just get up, just move." And thats only the first part. Anywhere in your life that God is revealing you need to move in? Being lazy in any area? "Don't put it off; do it now! Don't rest until you do!" Proverbs 6:4
The Lord has called us to be his own, to be friends of God. If that doesn't make you want to fall on your face in praise...then there may be some hard hearts among you. What is set apart for him that you are not giving back to him; your body, your heart, your time, your talents, your entire life? You will never defeat your enemies until this idol is removed. Need obedience? Maybe just the beggining desire for it? Ask for it, so God's glory can shine through in your own life.
I'm convinced that the Lord finds our desires- not too strong- but too weak. It's not the desire we have for sin that controls us, but our lack of desire for what we need, and what is real that takes hold of us. We settle. Because sin is something that promises what it won't deliver, something that is lies.
Maybe your having sex, because it resembles something your were made for; love.
Maybe your acting in pride because it resembles a truth when used in a certain way; humility.
Maybe your gossiping because it resembles a former, yet remaining truth; that our words have power.
What if we, as Christians, didn't settle?
What if we got off our faces in obedience, and seeked what we were made for?
Seek God.
Seek him in every circumstance, because he is there. Whether you see him, believe him; or not. He doesn't cease power for our ignorance.
Because he is God, because he works, because he loves.
He uses everything for his glory, are your eyes seeing that?
"Keep on asking, and you will receive what you ask for. Keep on seeking, and you will find. Keep on knocking, and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks, receives. Everyone who seeks, finds. And to everyone who knocks, the door will be opened" Matthew 7:7-8
"Don't worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done." Philppians 4:6
God is the Father, so you should ask him. He knows what you need, but out of love and gentleness; he's waiting for you to see that you need it too.
He loves us.
So at 4:18 in the morning I say this: he hears us, he loves us, he's with us. Go back to him, it is better to be walking with a broken leg then to not be walking at all.
Sunday, November 28, 2010
Thank you
Philippians 4:6
Galatians 4:6
Woah, them both being 4:6 was completely coincidental and I didn't even notice until now, ha.
Galatians 4:6
Woah, them both being 4:6 was completely coincidental and I didn't even notice until now, ha.
Thursday, November 11, 2010
Matthew 6:33-34
Lord, if there is any way I could go to Biola right off the bat; make it happen.
I'm beggining to think about my essay now, and one of them pretty much asks for your testimony. So I'm revisiting my diaries, particularly the one from 2008, which I have read entirely once.
but I haven't reflected on any of my journals in a long time. 12/15/08 I talk about how I'm thinking of becoming abstinence, it's funny because by this time I am a Christian but I haven't even mentioned God's name yet, or really even spoken of him. And then I continue on to talk about my next boyfriend, and how I'm excited about it, and how I don't think I have met him yet. And I was right, because my next boyfriend I didn't meet until that summer, and we didn't even date until 2010. So it's interesting how God lines things up.
Today I rest that I am being taken care of.
I'm beggining to think about my essay now, and one of them pretty much asks for your testimony. So I'm revisiting my diaries, particularly the one from 2008, which I have read entirely once.
but I haven't reflected on any of my journals in a long time. 12/15/08 I talk about how I'm thinking of becoming abstinence, it's funny because by this time I am a Christian but I haven't even mentioned God's name yet, or really even spoken of him. And then I continue on to talk about my next boyfriend, and how I'm excited about it, and how I don't think I have met him yet. And I was right, because my next boyfriend I didn't meet until that summer, and we didn't even date until 2010. So it's interesting how God lines things up.
Today I rest that I am being taken care of.
Monday, November 1, 2010
Seasons of faith
"I love the Lord because he hears my voice and my prayers for mercy. Because he bends down to listen, I will pray as log as I have breath! Death wrapped its ropes around me; the terrors of the grave overtook me. I saw only trouble and sorrow. Then I called on the name of the Lord; "Please, Lord, save me!" How kind the Lord is! How good he is! So merciful, this God of ours! The Lord protects those of childlike faith; I was facing death and he saved me. Let my soul be at rest again, for the Lord has been good to me. He has saved me from death, my eyes from tears, my feet from stumbling. And so I walk in the Lord's presence as I live here on earth! I trusted in the Lord when I said, “I am greatly afflicted”; in my alarm I said, “Everyone is a liar.” What shall I return to the Lord for all his goodness to me, I will lift up the cup of salvation and call on the name of the Lord. I will fulfill my vows to the Lord in the presence of all his people" Psalm 116:1-14
We go through seasons of faith.
I was driving home the other night and it was raining so hard. I was coming home from Rachel's and I live in Scotts Valley, so it wasn't a very long ride, but it felt like it took forever. Along the drive I noticed the rain, in some areas it was lighter, and in some areas it was pouring. But in every part of the storm, I kept driving. I wasn't going to pull on the side of the road and wait for the rain to stop. No, I continued to drive, even when I could barely see.
That is how my walk with Christ this year has been. I've had days of heavy rain, and days of light rain. Sometimes I could not even see, but I am not going to give up on my walk with Christ just because it is hard. God doesn't stop the rain for us; he gives us a umbrella.
I believe I am entering a new season, less about being broken, and more about regaining joy and love for the Lord.
Restoration is near.
Saturday, October 30, 2010
Thursday, October 28, 2010
finally some peace around here.
Isaiah 55:8-9
"For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
neither are your ways my ways,"
declares the LORD.
"As the heavens are higher than the earth,
so are my ways higher than your ways
and my thoughts than your thoughts."
The Lord does work in mysterious ways.
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
just because your talking about spirit, doesn't mean its of the spirit
Discernment, it's a valueable virtue.
I am seeking it, and it's begining to uproot a lot of old stuff I have taken in, and that stuff has transformed,and created new habits in me, and I'm realizing now...it was wrong. Said with good intentions, but out of insecurity, not out of the holy spirit. Watch out for advice you are given, and "wisdom" you receive.
God, what are you preparing me for? Because I know it's something, because this whole year has been a crazy spiritual ride with you. I know I talked about this year a lot during summer, and you are honoring all tat I asked. You do give better, and a lot differently then parents.
A horrible sentence has been occuring in my head a lot lately, straight from the devil because I am certainly not saying it. And it's this : "you just don't have anything to offer right now, and people are expecting it.".
When you doubt yourself you are doubting God. Let that soak in.
God is in you, The Holy Spirit, Jesus; everything, dwells inside you. God is so big, he always has something to offer, so sure; maybe it's not you at all. But God inside you, and thats really more precious then rubies.
I am seeking it, and it's begining to uproot a lot of old stuff I have taken in, and that stuff has transformed,and created new habits in me, and I'm realizing now...it was wrong. Said with good intentions, but out of insecurity, not out of the holy spirit. Watch out for advice you are given, and "wisdom" you receive.
God, what are you preparing me for? Because I know it's something, because this whole year has been a crazy spiritual ride with you. I know I talked about this year a lot during summer, and you are honoring all tat I asked. You do give better, and a lot differently then parents.
A horrible sentence has been occuring in my head a lot lately, straight from the devil because I am certainly not saying it. And it's this : "you just don't have anything to offer right now, and people are expecting it.".
When you doubt yourself you are doubting God. Let that soak in.
God is in you, The Holy Spirit, Jesus; everything, dwells inside you. God is so big, he always has something to offer, so sure; maybe it's not you at all. But God inside you, and thats really more precious then rubies.
Sunday, October 24, 2010
So, I have these 5 girls
And I mentor them, I don't know how, but God brought them into my life.
And 4 of them I had in a bible study last year, and I learned a lot last year. but they are really beggining to teach me this year.
God is shaping me, I can see it.
This year has been CRAZY with them, fights, laughter, but a lot of learning on my part. I'm kind of jealous of how amazing they are.
They possess this honesty with each other, this crazy bondage through Christ that not even the small group I attend has. God has really formed us together.
They lay everything of themselves out on the floor: the dirty, the pretty, the hurt, and the love they have for Christ. I don't even understand it.
And God has been hearing us, and watching us, and now I see his hand. It's moving, he's reaping.
He's breaking down the walls of all 6 of us, humbeling, and breaking us. And I am learning just how beautiful being broken truly is.
Because we stand as the beloved.
They are teaching me how to live, how to enjoy life.
When I see their eyes and hear their hearts, I remember how real God is.
I totally deny God's work in my life sometimes, but there is no denying how real God is when I look at theirs. And that reminds me of how he is not forgetting me, how he is working faithfully in mine too.
They are teaching me what it means to be a friend, a real friend, and more importantly what it means to be a sister in Christ to one another.
(And they all have Bible verses, or quotes about god on their about me's on facebooks..so cool!)
They are teaching me what a small group, a body of believers, should look like.
They are teaching me what it really looks like to love someone on with all of me, to be devoted to them and not selfish, keeping nothing for myself.
They are making me face so many things with in myself, because they are facing those things better then I ever have.
I can't believe I get to watch them grow and meet with them every week, every single one of them is crazy strong.
I've known these 5 girls for the last year, and I am so humbely thankful they just exist.
I can feel and experience the Fathers love for them, and it reminds me of his love for me.
I trust their lives to God, and it reminds me to trust my own.
And 4 of them I had in a bible study last year, and I learned a lot last year. but they are really beggining to teach me this year.
God is shaping me, I can see it.
This year has been CRAZY with them, fights, laughter, but a lot of learning on my part. I'm kind of jealous of how amazing they are.
They possess this honesty with each other, this crazy bondage through Christ that not even the small group I attend has. God has really formed us together.
They lay everything of themselves out on the floor: the dirty, the pretty, the hurt, and the love they have for Christ. I don't even understand it.
And God has been hearing us, and watching us, and now I see his hand. It's moving, he's reaping.
He's breaking down the walls of all 6 of us, humbeling, and breaking us. And I am learning just how beautiful being broken truly is.
Because we stand as the beloved.
They are teaching me how to live, how to enjoy life.
When I see their eyes and hear their hearts, I remember how real God is.
I totally deny God's work in my life sometimes, but there is no denying how real God is when I look at theirs. And that reminds me of how he is not forgetting me, how he is working faithfully in mine too.
They are teaching me what it means to be a friend, a real friend, and more importantly what it means to be a sister in Christ to one another.
(And they all have Bible verses, or quotes about god on their about me's on facebooks..so cool!)
They are teaching me what a small group, a body of believers, should look like.
They are teaching me what it really looks like to love someone on with all of me, to be devoted to them and not selfish, keeping nothing for myself.
They are making me face so many things with in myself, because they are facing those things better then I ever have.
I can't believe I get to watch them grow and meet with them every week, every single one of them is crazy strong.
I've known these 5 girls for the last year, and I am so humbely thankful they just exist.
I can feel and experience the Fathers love for them, and it reminds me of his love for me.
I trust their lives to God, and it reminds me to trust my own.
I have been so selfish and poor when it has come to them, but God is calling me to devotion, calling me to give, calling me to pour. So somethings have to go, and a few things I am ready to give up for God, for these girls.
All I can think is σας ευχαριστώ, which means thank you in greek.Thursday, October 21, 2010
Blessed are those who are meek in spirit
And it's true, God delivers so much differently than the world does.
I love him.
I love him.
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
Some Psalms
"When I look at the night sky and see the works of your fingers- the moon and the stars you set in place- what are mere mortals that you should think about them, human beings that you should care for them? Yet you made them only a little lower than God and crowned them with glory and honor. You gave them charge of everything you made, putting all things under their authority- the flocks and the herds and all the wild animals, the birds in the sky, the fish in the sea, and everything that swims inn the ocean currents. O Lord, our Lord, your majestic name fills the earth!" Psalm 8:3-9
"How can i know all the sins lurking in my heart? Cleanse me from these hidden faults. Keep your servant from deliberate sins! Don't let them control me. Then I will be free of guilt and innocent of greater sin. May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing to you, O Lord my rock my redeemer" Psalm 19:12-14
"Be still, and know that I am God" Psalm 46:10
"You do not desire a sacrifice, or I would offer you one. You do not want a burnt offering. The sacrifice you desire is a broken spirit, you will not reject a broken and repentant heart, O God" Psalm 51:16-7
"Did I keep my heart pure for nothing? Did I keep myself innocent for no reason?...Then I realized that my heart was bitter, and I was all torn up inside. I was so foolish and ignorant-
I must have seemed like a senseless animal to you. Yet I still belong to you; you hold my right hand. You guide me with your counsel, leading me to a glorious destiny. Whom have I in heaven but you? I desire you more than anything on earth. My health may fail, and my spirit may grow weak, but God remains the strength of my heart; he is mine forever." Psalm 73:13-26
"Bend down, O Lord, and here my prayer; answer me for I need your help. Protect me, for I am devoted to you. Save me, for I serve and trust you. You are my God. Be merciful to me, O Lord, for I am calling on you constantly. Give me happiness, O Lord, for I give myself to you. O Lord, you are so good, so ready to forgive, so full of unfailing love for all who ask for your help. Listen closely to my prayer, O Lord; hear my urgent cry. I will call to you whenever I'm in trouble and you will answer me...Grant me purity of heart so that I may honor you" Psalm 86:1-11
"Let all that I am praise the Lord; with my whole heart, I will praise his holy name. Let all that I am praise the Lord; may i never forget the good things he does for me. He forgives all my sins and heals all my diseases. He redeems me from death and crowns me with love and tender mercies. He fills my life with good things. My youth is renewed like the eagle's! the Lord gives rightenousness and justice to all who are treated unfairly...the Lord is compassionate and merciful, slow to get angry and filled with unfailing love, He will not constantly accuse us, nor remain angry forever. He does not punish us for all our sins; he does not deal harshly with us, as we deserve. For his unfailing love towards those who fear him is as great as the height oh heavens above the earth. He ha removed our sins far from us as the east from the west. The Lord is like a father to his children, tender and compassionate to those who fear him. For he knows how weak we are; he remembers we are only dust. Our days on earth are like grass, like wildflowers, we bloom and die. The wind blows and we are gone- as though we had never ben here. But the love of the Lord remains forever with those who fear him...Praise the Lor, everything he has created, everything in all his kingdom. Let all that I am praise the Lord" Psalm 103
"How can i know all the sins lurking in my heart? Cleanse me from these hidden faults. Keep your servant from deliberate sins! Don't let them control me. Then I will be free of guilt and innocent of greater sin. May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing to you, O Lord my rock my redeemer" Psalm 19:12-14
"Be still, and know that I am God" Psalm 46:10
"You do not desire a sacrifice, or I would offer you one. You do not want a burnt offering. The sacrifice you desire is a broken spirit, you will not reject a broken and repentant heart, O God" Psalm 51:16-7
"Did I keep my heart pure for nothing? Did I keep myself innocent for no reason?...Then I realized that my heart was bitter, and I was all torn up inside. I was so foolish and ignorant-
I must have seemed like a senseless animal to you. Yet I still belong to you; you hold my right hand. You guide me with your counsel, leading me to a glorious destiny. Whom have I in heaven but you? I desire you more than anything on earth. My health may fail, and my spirit may grow weak, but God remains the strength of my heart; he is mine forever." Psalm 73:13-26
"Bend down, O Lord, and here my prayer; answer me for I need your help. Protect me, for I am devoted to you. Save me, for I serve and trust you. You are my God. Be merciful to me, O Lord, for I am calling on you constantly. Give me happiness, O Lord, for I give myself to you. O Lord, you are so good, so ready to forgive, so full of unfailing love for all who ask for your help. Listen closely to my prayer, O Lord; hear my urgent cry. I will call to you whenever I'm in trouble and you will answer me...Grant me purity of heart so that I may honor you" Psalm 86:1-11
"Let all that I am praise the Lord; with my whole heart, I will praise his holy name. Let all that I am praise the Lord; may i never forget the good things he does for me. He forgives all my sins and heals all my diseases. He redeems me from death and crowns me with love and tender mercies. He fills my life with good things. My youth is renewed like the eagle's! the Lord gives rightenousness and justice to all who are treated unfairly...the Lord is compassionate and merciful, slow to get angry and filled with unfailing love, He will not constantly accuse us, nor remain angry forever. He does not punish us for all our sins; he does not deal harshly with us, as we deserve. For his unfailing love towards those who fear him is as great as the height oh heavens above the earth. He ha removed our sins far from us as the east from the west. The Lord is like a father to his children, tender and compassionate to those who fear him. For he knows how weak we are; he remembers we are only dust. Our days on earth are like grass, like wildflowers, we bloom and die. The wind blows and we are gone- as though we had never ben here. But the love of the Lord remains forever with those who fear him...Praise the Lor, everything he has created, everything in all his kingdom. Let all that I am praise the Lord" Psalm 103
Can't I just drop off the face of the earth?
and just somehow live in a cute house, that I have decorated nicely, with some lovely Christian sisters, and we can just be together and travel and do what we want.
And not do school, and not have to work, but always have money and just spend all our time worshiping god and laughing together.
I'm so tired of working, I just want to be.
And not do school, and not have to work, but always have money and just spend all our time worshiping god and laughing together.
I'm so tired of working, I just want to be.
Monday, October 18, 2010
believers are the body
When parts of the body aren't doing well, it effects the whole thing.
If the knee and the ankle aren't cooperating, the whole body is deffective.
The body needs healing.
If the knee and the ankle aren't cooperating, the whole body is deffective.
The body needs healing.
Sunday, October 10, 2010
Dear Ladies,
You are the wife of Christ.
You are the creation of the creator.
You are the children of the Father.
You are the beloved of the lover.
You are the friend of the Lord.
So where lies your confidence?
Is it in being all those titles, or is it in the titles given to you by peers, classmates, or family? Or worse, do you follow the title YOU have given yourself?
It is known that we did not create ourselves, and if God is perfect and holy, and has never made a mistake, and he is the one who created us.....then why do we doubt ourselves?
You are not a mistake, the way you look, the place you are in; it is not a mistake.
The devil sits in our heads telling us we are unloveable, telling us we are less then desireable, and he is a liar.
If you feel like a out-cast, or feel less than beautiful, the devil is loud in your head, you must believe that God desires you.
Do not let how much people desire you, effect the way you feel about yourself, because then you are following what the devil would want.
But true confidence is not that which is determined by people or ourselves, true confidence is determined by how the creator feels about us.
Guess how he feels.
Do you rate your beauty and worth by how many compliments you get in the day? Whether you get invited to places? Or do you decide you are beautiful if you have a few boys liking you at the moment, or whether you feel good in your outfit or not?
Don't let your love for yourself come from other people.
If you are believing that you are unloveable, or ugly, or need to be more physically this and less physically that, you are rejecting the truth.
And do not live in comparison with one another, recognize the way you personally are created: beautiful and lovely the way God designed you.
"Yet true Godliness with contentment is itself great wealth. After all, we brought nothing with us when we entered the world, and we can't take anything with us when we leave it. So if we have enough food and clothing, LET US BE CONTENT." 1Timothy 6:6-8
I love myself because I love God, because I believe he made me, and I believe I am valueable, and I love others because of those truths too. I do not rate myself or others on the way we look outside, desire none of that. I feel physically beautiful, but not because the clothes I wear or hat my hair looks like, its because I believe what the bible says.
Love your neighbor as yourself, right? Are you loving others because of the way they look? I hope not. So don't buy into the idea that people are loving you because of how you look.
"To acquire wisdom is too love oneself" Proverbs 19:8a
It does not matter how you dress, nothing should dictate how you feel about yourself or others, except for God.
It does not matter whether you are wearing a seemingly cute outfit, or one you feel isn't cute; because your confidence should not be based on appearance at all.
I can write this with full confidence not knowing the way you look: you are loved by God, you are a beautiful valueable girl. One worth dying for, do not let the cross be impersonal to you, because he died for you specifically.
My prayer is that girls would be reminded of where there confidence should come from, that it would be based on what lasts, not what the earth gives. God, let truth ring in our ears about the way you feel about us, that everything that hurts us we would know is from the devil. Quiet his whispers so that we might hear yours. I believe how you feel about me, and I love you more for it. Never let me, or any other person struggeling with self hate forget that you are God. Amen.
You are the creation of the creator.
You are the children of the Father.
You are the beloved of the lover.
You are the friend of the Lord.
So where lies your confidence?
Is it in being all those titles, or is it in the titles given to you by peers, classmates, or family? Or worse, do you follow the title YOU have given yourself?
It is known that we did not create ourselves, and if God is perfect and holy, and has never made a mistake, and he is the one who created us.....then why do we doubt ourselves?
You are not a mistake, the way you look, the place you are in; it is not a mistake.
The devil sits in our heads telling us we are unloveable, telling us we are less then desireable, and he is a liar.
If you feel like a out-cast, or feel less than beautiful, the devil is loud in your head, you must believe that God desires you.
Do not let how much people desire you, effect the way you feel about yourself, because then you are following what the devil would want.
But true confidence is not that which is determined by people or ourselves, true confidence is determined by how the creator feels about us.
Guess how he feels.
Do you rate your beauty and worth by how many compliments you get in the day? Whether you get invited to places? Or do you decide you are beautiful if you have a few boys liking you at the moment, or whether you feel good in your outfit or not?
Don't let your love for yourself come from other people.
If you are believing that you are unloveable, or ugly, or need to be more physically this and less physically that, you are rejecting the truth.
And do not live in comparison with one another, recognize the way you personally are created: beautiful and lovely the way God designed you.
"Yet true Godliness with contentment is itself great wealth. After all, we brought nothing with us when we entered the world, and we can't take anything with us when we leave it. So if we have enough food and clothing, LET US BE CONTENT." 1Timothy 6:6-8
I love myself because I love God, because I believe he made me, and I believe I am valueable, and I love others because of those truths too. I do not rate myself or others on the way we look outside, desire none of that. I feel physically beautiful, but not because the clothes I wear or hat my hair looks like, its because I believe what the bible says.
Love your neighbor as yourself, right? Are you loving others because of the way they look? I hope not. So don't buy into the idea that people are loving you because of how you look.
"To acquire wisdom is too love oneself" Proverbs 19:8a
It does not matter how you dress, nothing should dictate how you feel about yourself or others, except for God.
It does not matter whether you are wearing a seemingly cute outfit, or one you feel isn't cute; because your confidence should not be based on appearance at all.
I can write this with full confidence not knowing the way you look: you are loved by God, you are a beautiful valueable girl. One worth dying for, do not let the cross be impersonal to you, because he died for you specifically.
My prayer is that girls would be reminded of where there confidence should come from, that it would be based on what lasts, not what the earth gives. God, let truth ring in our ears about the way you feel about us, that everything that hurts us we would know is from the devil. Quiet his whispers so that we might hear yours. I believe how you feel about me, and I love you more for it. Never let me, or any other person struggeling with self hate forget that you are God. Amen.
Saturday, October 9, 2010
praise his name
for the sweetness god lavishes upon me.
sitting under the stars eating chips and starbucks with one of my small group girls, god is real.
waking up with sun peering through my window, god is real.
laughing and smiling, god is real
my car not starting a few times then praying over it and it works again, god is real.
leading the israelites a pillar of cloud by day, fire by night, and manna to eat, god is real.
how can i forget just how much he loves me?
"Be still, and know that I am God" Psalm 46:10
sitting under the stars eating chips and starbucks with one of my small group girls, god is real.
waking up with sun peering through my window, god is real.
laughing and smiling, god is real
my car not starting a few times then praying over it and it works again, god is real.
leading the israelites a pillar of cloud by day, fire by night, and manna to eat, god is real.
how can i forget just how much he loves me?
"Be still, and know that I am God" Psalm 46:10
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
God is a floralist
How do floralists become floralists anyways? But they have a knack for putting together things and making them work together, each flower can be different, but together they form a brilliant bouquet. The floralist knows this, and puts each flower in a certain spot, with another flower, to bring out its full intended beauty. But a floralist needs somewhere to grow his flowers, so he picks earth, and puts them outside to grow and hope that they will survive the storms.
Explained parable: God is the floralist, we are the flowers. Who knows how he became and what inspired him to be so compassionate and gentle. He is smart, he see's things in the big picture, knowing who he should bring together in life so they can become a bountiful bouquet, and arranges their life so they might be the most beautiful bouquet he could possibley imagine. He needed somewhere to put his people so they might choose to worship him, so he had to create earth and plant them there. As the seasons change, he wants his flowers (people) to be ok and make it through the bad weather, but there he won't change the weather too (trials,etc.). But all the while the floralist really hopes that all his delicate flowers make it through the harshness of earth. the floralist is on our side.
Sometimes i concentrate so hard on how to live that I forget too live.
Explained parable: God is the floralist, we are the flowers. Who knows how he became and what inspired him to be so compassionate and gentle. He is smart, he see's things in the big picture, knowing who he should bring together in life so they can become a bountiful bouquet, and arranges their life so they might be the most beautiful bouquet he could possibley imagine. He needed somewhere to put his people so they might choose to worship him, so he had to create earth and plant them there. As the seasons change, he wants his flowers (people) to be ok and make it through the bad weather, but there he won't change the weather too (trials,etc.). But all the while the floralist really hopes that all his delicate flowers make it through the harshness of earth. the floralist is on our side.
Sometimes i concentrate so hard on how to live that I forget too live.
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
Grace
I remember my first year of becoming a Christian, it was the most romantic year of my life. Clint Crivello was 2701's pastor, and every talk he gave was like a stab at my newly throbbing heart for God. He gave a message about grace, I think for the most part it was the first time I ever really thought about it. I remember him beggining saying "Wow, grace, when asked to talk about this I really did not know what to say but grace is...". He tried to explain it, although everyone knows God and his grace are unexplainable. That first year was full of passion, this crazy desire for God. I ALWAYS relate to the church in Ephesus because they were this church that found God so quickly and just was obsessed with him, then just continued to get lost and bored along the way, forgetting the very reason why the fell in love in the first place (Revelation 2:2-5, all of Ephesians, Acts 20:17-35). So my first year was powerful, I knew it was not I who chose God but he who chose me, and it was all I thought about. I wasn't as aware of my sins, because all of my faults just melted when i thought of how real and how much I loved God. I read my Bible, talked about God, and prayed all the time, much like I do now but it's different. I have this continual battle of becoming obsessed with the sins I am committing, feeling terrible that I love God so much, and fail so much. I always tell my small group girls to not let guilt keep them from God, but that is the very thing I always let antagonize me. I hate the sin that lives in me, I try too follow the bible as much as Jesus did, and just can't, I'm just not him, I'm jut not perfect.(Romans 7). I feel like sometimes I am killing the life that God has stirred up in my heart, stripping beauty, stripping energy. I grow tired, because I think self-discipline will reignite the fire that I had with God in the beggining. But as any relationship, you can't be romantic all the time, I may not always feel in love. What sparked this re-contemplation about grace is me reading "Blue like Jazz" again. It started with Donald saying this "I am self-addicted, living in the wreckage of the fall, my body, my heart, and my affections are prone to love things that kill me...I found myself trying to love the right things with out God's help and it was impossible...My answer to this dilemma was self-discipline. I figured I could just make myself do good things" He then continues to describe a year that he made a pact with a few fundamentalist Christians. they intended to thrive off self-discipline, fasting, not watching tv, no smoking,etc. clearly it didn't work out and Donald wrote "I hated the entire year. Hated it. I felt like a failure every morning...looking back I was too proud to receive free grace from God. I didn't know how to live in a system where nobody owes anybody else anything...thought I understood that God wanted nothing in return, my mind could not communicate this fact to my heart, so my life was torture...It seemed wrong to me to not have to pay for my sin, not to feel guilty about it or kick myself around...grace was too easy. I wanted to feel as though I earned my forgiveness"
Exactly what I feel, sometimes, given not always, I have points of accepting and rejecting grace, and times where I do torture myself and others with correction. Jesus said in John that loving him means following his commandments, and 1John talks a lot about living in the light, not letting anything take place in your heart where God should be, that loving God means following his commandments, that you don't know god if you don't love everyone, and that we ought to live our life for God because of all he has done for us. and I believe all those statements, I believe the bible is always right...but what? Is the key word "Ought"? does that mean I should live my life for Christ, but don't have too? (freewill, I know..) does living my life for Christ mean I am living just as Jesus did? I think that is impossible, I'm far to sinful. Galatians talks about dying to the law to live for God. And in Matthew Jesus talks about coming to fulfill what the law could not do, which was to make us right with God. So grace is hidden in there somewhere. But if you truly love Jesus...you obey his laws? Is that to obey them as best you can, or to really just obey them? Do you not love god if your not perfect? I think you can. My life goal is to store my treasures in heaven and to obtain heaven here on Earth. But I am on Earth, I am living i the wreckage of the fall. So how do I balance trying to be perfect and accepting grace? I don't think the answer would be try as best you can and when you fail accept grace. I can just walk, I just need to walk. Grace is incomprehensible. It's free, it's mine. Jesus already paid the price for me. I can't possibly earn it. I look at some older Christians I have in my life, they seem more at ease with themselves and God then anyone I know. It's not that they are sinless, but it is that they acknowledge they are sinful, and let god deal with it. They just walk and enjoy, they accept the amazing gifts God gives them, they don't feel bad about being imperfect and receiving such perfection from the Lord, they just accept. Isaiah 45 talks about God being a clay maker and us being clay. Clay is sticky and doesn't hold shape, or create shape on its own. It has to be molded, the clay maker has to use his or her hands to form it into the shape it desires. So I know ultimately that I am not the one shaping me, it is God of course. But I almost feel kind of bad just not doing anything, and thats grace. God's grace is like water; it cleanses and purifies, no one is allergic to it although some are scared of it, it never ceases to exist, it always quenches, and it never runs out. And I am a river bed. River beds may dry out for a time, but it doesn't cease to be a place that can hold water. Storms will always fill it up again with new water.
Exactly what I feel, sometimes, given not always, I have points of accepting and rejecting grace, and times where I do torture myself and others with correction. Jesus said in John that loving him means following his commandments, and 1John talks a lot about living in the light, not letting anything take place in your heart where God should be, that loving God means following his commandments, that you don't know god if you don't love everyone, and that we ought to live our life for God because of all he has done for us. and I believe all those statements, I believe the bible is always right...but what? Is the key word "Ought"? does that mean I should live my life for Christ, but don't have too? (freewill, I know..) does living my life for Christ mean I am living just as Jesus did? I think that is impossible, I'm far to sinful. Galatians talks about dying to the law to live for God. And in Matthew Jesus talks about coming to fulfill what the law could not do, which was to make us right with God. So grace is hidden in there somewhere. But if you truly love Jesus...you obey his laws? Is that to obey them as best you can, or to really just obey them? Do you not love god if your not perfect? I think you can. My life goal is to store my treasures in heaven and to obtain heaven here on Earth. But I am on Earth, I am living i the wreckage of the fall. So how do I balance trying to be perfect and accepting grace? I don't think the answer would be try as best you can and when you fail accept grace. I can just walk, I just need to walk. Grace is incomprehensible. It's free, it's mine. Jesus already paid the price for me. I can't possibly earn it. I look at some older Christians I have in my life, they seem more at ease with themselves and God then anyone I know. It's not that they are sinless, but it is that they acknowledge they are sinful, and let god deal with it. They just walk and enjoy, they accept the amazing gifts God gives them, they don't feel bad about being imperfect and receiving such perfection from the Lord, they just accept. Isaiah 45 talks about God being a clay maker and us being clay. Clay is sticky and doesn't hold shape, or create shape on its own. It has to be molded, the clay maker has to use his or her hands to form it into the shape it desires. So I know ultimately that I am not the one shaping me, it is God of course. But I almost feel kind of bad just not doing anything, and thats grace. God's grace is like water; it cleanses and purifies, no one is allergic to it although some are scared of it, it never ceases to exist, it always quenches, and it never runs out. And I am a river bed. River beds may dry out for a time, but it doesn't cease to be a place that can hold water. Storms will always fill it up again with new water.
Sunday, September 26, 2010
Thursday, September 23, 2010
the Lord is good to those who wait for him.
Incredibly good.
I can't help that it was a beautiful sunny day, and i was able to drive windows down, music turned up, with the bestest friends in the whole world, and just praised god for it. My life is all these little pieces of cloth, that God sews together to create this wildly vibrant quilt that is my life.
sometimes I feel like thee luckiest girl in the whole world, I see my life as this insane love story between creation and creator/.
The Lord is real, I love you more.
I can't help that it was a beautiful sunny day, and i was able to drive windows down, music turned up, with the bestest friends in the whole world, and just praised god for it. My life is all these little pieces of cloth, that God sews together to create this wildly vibrant quilt that is my life.
sometimes I feel like thee luckiest girl in the whole world, I see my life as this insane love story between creation and creator/.
The Lord is real, I love you more.
Saturday, September 18, 2010
God is enough
Emotions have been so inconsistent lately, I've been pretty weighed down. And yet again I call to my closest friends to help me, I seek counsel to affirm me. But God says no: "So to keep me from becoming proud,I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger from satan to torment me and keep me from becoming proud. Three different times I begged the Lord to take it away. Each time he said, "My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness."...Now I take pleasure in my weaknesses...for when I am weak I am strong" 2Corinthian 12:7-10.
So I've been processing a lot and talking a lot to God and others, and have remained in weakness yet also in God's love for the last 3 or 4 weeks. And it's ok, I lost sight of beauty for a little bit, losing myself in a pity party for feeling the way I have been. But I experienced God's beauty in my weakness, especially this week. I have called on God for soooo long to change me, to challenge me in a way he hasn't yet, told him I will do whatever it takes to be closer to him; and he is acting. Last summer I remember having a very sad conversation with a staff member for camp. A few of us were all sitting around a table and talking about how the world is fallen, how no matter how hard we try we are still going to feel, we still won't be close enough to God. And thats something so frustrating to me, is there will always be some blockage because of how much my sinful nature holds me back, I wish I wasn't so sinful, but thats how it is (Romans 7). And among these dear friends I said something that I never wanted to face with in myself, a belief embedded deep with in me: I said "His grace just isn't enough here". I was referencing and had in mind the verse I said earlier. But just now God is telling me that he is enough, he's enough here, he is enough everywhere. He is enough. He is enough. He is enough.
In the midst of tearful eyes and a broken heart, I can still hear him saying "I am enough, and you still belong to me". I'm devoted to him, he' devoted to me. And I am thankful for what he has allowed me to see and feel these last few weeks, because it sucks and hurts like anything, but is teaching me a great deal, and I am relying on him again. god creates the light and makes there darkness therefore he is in both, Isiah 45:7. I'm thankful, not worried. And constantly reminded that knowing God was the most amazing decision I ever made, thank you Father.
"then I realized that my heart was bitter, and I was all torn up inside.
I was so foolish and ignorant-
I must have seemed like a seneless animal to you.
Yet still I belong to you;
you hold my right hand.
You guide me with your counsel,
leading me to a glorious destiny.
Whom have I in heaen but you?
I desire you more than anything on the earth.
My health may fail, and my spirit may grow weak,
but god remains the strength of my heart;
he is mine forever"
Psalm 73:21-26
So I've been processing a lot and talking a lot to God and others, and have remained in weakness yet also in God's love for the last 3 or 4 weeks. And it's ok, I lost sight of beauty for a little bit, losing myself in a pity party for feeling the way I have been. But I experienced God's beauty in my weakness, especially this week. I have called on God for soooo long to change me, to challenge me in a way he hasn't yet, told him I will do whatever it takes to be closer to him; and he is acting. Last summer I remember having a very sad conversation with a staff member for camp. A few of us were all sitting around a table and talking about how the world is fallen, how no matter how hard we try we are still going to feel, we still won't be close enough to God. And thats something so frustrating to me, is there will always be some blockage because of how much my sinful nature holds me back, I wish I wasn't so sinful, but thats how it is (Romans 7). And among these dear friends I said something that I never wanted to face with in myself, a belief embedded deep with in me: I said "His grace just isn't enough here". I was referencing and had in mind the verse I said earlier. But just now God is telling me that he is enough, he's enough here, he is enough everywhere. He is enough. He is enough. He is enough.
In the midst of tearful eyes and a broken heart, I can still hear him saying "I am enough, and you still belong to me". I'm devoted to him, he' devoted to me. And I am thankful for what he has allowed me to see and feel these last few weeks, because it sucks and hurts like anything, but is teaching me a great deal, and I am relying on him again. god creates the light and makes there darkness therefore he is in both, Isiah 45:7. I'm thankful, not worried. And constantly reminded that knowing God was the most amazing decision I ever made, thank you Father.
"then I realized that my heart was bitter, and I was all torn up inside.
I was so foolish and ignorant-
I must have seemed like a seneless animal to you.
Yet still I belong to you;
you hold my right hand.
You guide me with your counsel,
leading me to a glorious destiny.
Whom have I in heaen but you?
I desire you more than anything on the earth.
My health may fail, and my spirit may grow weak,
but god remains the strength of my heart;
he is mine forever"
Psalm 73:21-26
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
Hiking metaphor
I've noticed while I am hiking, especially on a trail quite narrow I always watch my feet. Make sure they are staying on the path, making sure I'm not running into any branches, or a tree, trying my hardest not to stumble. But nothing is beautiful about the ground, I just always forget to look up. Just breathe. Walk. And trust that even if you do hit something, get back up, you'll be fine.
When walking through trials we try not to run into things, try not to stumble. We try our hardest to keep ourselves safe, but admist that we forget to just look up. God knows what he is doing, just look up, just walk, you don't have to "try and keep yourself safe".
Just look up.
When walking through trials we try not to run into things, try not to stumble. We try our hardest to keep ourselves safe, but admist that we forget to just look up. God knows what he is doing, just look up, just walk, you don't have to "try and keep yourself safe".
Just look up.
Saturday, July 24, 2010
Madly deeply, lost in love.
Christianity is losing who you are, dying to yourself, and falling into love and beggining to truly live.
Knowing Christ makes you alive, he is life.
I am desperate to be lost in him.
I am so deeply in love with who he is, my best friend, my husband, my father.
This past week I was just in deep appreciation of my life, and everything in it.
And I am falling more madly in love with my relationship with Christ, I would never want anyone else's.
Knowing Christ makes you alive, he is life.
I am desperate to be lost in him.
I am so deeply in love with who he is, my best friend, my husband, my father.
This past week I was just in deep appreciation of my life, and everything in it.
And I am falling more madly in love with my relationship with Christ, I would never want anyone else's.
Sunday, July 4, 2010
This morning I had a dream
Two nights ago my friend was saying that God is so present in our dreams. e used to be in mine, and he'd let me remember some things, but he hasn't been in so long. But this morning he spoke. In my dream: The camp staff and I were all gathered on the dining hall deck, our boss (Mossi aka Eric) was holding a bucket filled with water and clothing items that we were all embarassed about. He poured out the bucket over the deck and when he was done he looked at us and said "embody who you are".
And I woke up, and that was God. I have been realizing little parts about me that I am embarassed of, and how I keep to myself. But God has been shoving down my throat the idea that I will not be able to be invested in if I keep everyone a step away; including him. "What sorrow awaits those who try to hide their plans from the Lord, who do their evil deeds in the dark! "The Lord can't see us," they say. "He doesn't know what's going on!" How foolish can you be? He is the potter, and he is certainly greater then you the clay! Should the created thing say of the one who made it, "He didn't make me"? Does a jar ever say, "The potter who made me is stupid"?" Isiah 29:15-16. And that is what I have been doing, just hiding myself. Does the way I have relationships with people not reflect my relationship with God? It surely does. I have all these standards placed on me by peers, parents, and myself and so I try to uphold them, yet keep God out. Not letting him carry me. And what he wants of me is to just be myself, to just be honest. To not be embarassed of age, or what i look like or what I have done. But to EMBODY myself, which is a word I don't think I have ever used. Mossi was representing Jesus holding all the regrets and embarassing things that we keep to ourselves. And when he poured it out it was Jesus saying: "This is who I created you to be, and in my image, embody yourself, embody me. I am wiping away your fears, failures, and embarassments, give them to me." It' not about who we are or what we've done, it is ONLY about who God is, and who we are because f what he has done.
God is so present today, give him all the praise.
And I woke up, and that was God. I have been realizing little parts about me that I am embarassed of, and how I keep to myself. But God has been shoving down my throat the idea that I will not be able to be invested in if I keep everyone a step away; including him. "What sorrow awaits those who try to hide their plans from the Lord, who do their evil deeds in the dark! "The Lord can't see us," they say. "He doesn't know what's going on!" How foolish can you be? He is the potter, and he is certainly greater then you the clay! Should the created thing say of the one who made it, "He didn't make me"? Does a jar ever say, "The potter who made me is stupid"?" Isiah 29:15-16. And that is what I have been doing, just hiding myself. Does the way I have relationships with people not reflect my relationship with God? It surely does. I have all these standards placed on me by peers, parents, and myself and so I try to uphold them, yet keep God out. Not letting him carry me. And what he wants of me is to just be myself, to just be honest. To not be embarassed of age, or what i look like or what I have done. But to EMBODY myself, which is a word I don't think I have ever used. Mossi was representing Jesus holding all the regrets and embarassing things that we keep to ourselves. And when he poured it out it was Jesus saying: "This is who I created you to be, and in my image, embody yourself, embody me. I am wiping away your fears, failures, and embarassments, give them to me." It' not about who we are or what we've done, it is ONLY about who God is, and who we are because f what he has done.
God is so present today, give him all the praise.
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
the heart
"And so the Lord says: These people say they are mine. They honor me with their lips but their hearts are far from me. And their worship of me is nothing but man made rules." Isiah 29:13
As a Christian even when I am feeling distant, no one will notice because my actions don't change. But God revealed to me again through this verse that being a "good boy or girl" just isn't enough. It's actually nothing at all if your heart isn't in the correct place. It is not enough to just go through the motions of being Christian, going to church, attending a small group, or even encouraging others. Proverbs 5:23 says to guard your heart. And often we do the exact opposite, if your actions are not aligned with your heart (or vice versa) then all your doing is enabling people to misinterpret your heart. If your heart is for God, let all your actions be for his glory, not your own. The language we use is a glimpse of our heart, using sarcasm or cussing does not show that your heart is for God. Our actions are the reflection of our heart, if our actions are against God, is not our hearts? But if our actions seem for God when our hearts aren't, that is no good either. Be careful with your heart, keep people close, but always keep God closer. We seriously hold the nastiest stuff in our hearts, and often keep that filth closer than we keep God. I urge you, do not do that. God tells us not to worry, and if you trust God or even believe in him at all, how could you worry? The Bible says that the Lord can turn incredible cities into heaps of ruins, and I know it goes vice versa too. For my heart has been in ruins, and he has restored it to make it functioning again. Don't let your hearts be in heaps of ruins, you may be going through something painful, but there is never a reason to be with out joy. Joy is the presence of God in our hearts, and since Romans 8:38 states it best: nothing can seperate us from God. And if nothing can seperate us from God, then nothing can seperate us from joy. I once heard that Jesus didn't come to change the human condition, he came to change how we respond to it. Why do we block God out after so much he has done? The Israelites mentioned in Isiah saw incredible miracles, parting of the red sea; and so much more. But they continued to refuse to lt Jesus into their hearts. Are we not the same? Because we live on Earth we've witnessed God work, seen him so many times, but continue to block him out, unintentionally or intentionally. Just stop, he wants you to put your worries in a glass bottle and send it into the ocean to never be seen or thought of again. Jesus is a sponge that washes the sin away from our hearts, and absorbs all the filth and carries it himself. The world makes our heart heavy, but Jesus said himself his burden is light, wouldn't want be a burden you'd want to carry? Don't let yourself be heavy, give the weight to God who is so much stronger, and more beautiful because he wants to carry us. He saved my heart, and forever I'll want to give it to him again and again. And I need a constant reminder to tell me remember him, and to use him, to take up his burden. "What sorrow awaits those who try to hide their plans from the Lord. Who do their evil deeds in the dark! 'The Lord can't see us' they say. 'He doesn't know whats going on!'. Ho foolish can you be? He is the potter and he is certainly greater then you the clay! Should the created thing say to the creator 'He didn't make me'?" Isiah 29:15-16. Trying to hide your doubts, questions, fears, worries, or anything else little clay? He already knows. He knows your heart, he loves your heart. Why do we so oftenly try to play hide and see with God, how long do we keep him counting behind a tree until we find a good enough hiding place? But this in store when you stop running: " You will keep in perfect peace all who trust in you, all whose thoughts are fixed in you. Trust in the Lord always, for the Lord God is the eternal rock...But for those who are righteous, the way is not steep and rough. You are a God who does what is right, and you smooth out the path ahead of us. Lord, we show our trust in you by obeying your laws; our harts desire is to glorify your name. All night long I search for you; in the morning I earnestly search for God." Isiah 26:3-9
Don't have the desire to search for God or to obey his laws? Pray for it, pray for that desire. That is where I'd like to keep my heart, safely with God. Take time to see where your heart is, and what it is for.
"Wherever tour treasure is, there the desires of your heart will also be." Like 12:34
As a Christian even when I am feeling distant, no one will notice because my actions don't change. But God revealed to me again through this verse that being a "good boy or girl" just isn't enough. It's actually nothing at all if your heart isn't in the correct place. It is not enough to just go through the motions of being Christian, going to church, attending a small group, or even encouraging others. Proverbs 5:23 says to guard your heart. And often we do the exact opposite, if your actions are not aligned with your heart (or vice versa) then all your doing is enabling people to misinterpret your heart. If your heart is for God, let all your actions be for his glory, not your own. The language we use is a glimpse of our heart, using sarcasm or cussing does not show that your heart is for God. Our actions are the reflection of our heart, if our actions are against God, is not our hearts? But if our actions seem for God when our hearts aren't, that is no good either. Be careful with your heart, keep people close, but always keep God closer. We seriously hold the nastiest stuff in our hearts, and often keep that filth closer than we keep God. I urge you, do not do that. God tells us not to worry, and if you trust God or even believe in him at all, how could you worry? The Bible says that the Lord can turn incredible cities into heaps of ruins, and I know it goes vice versa too. For my heart has been in ruins, and he has restored it to make it functioning again. Don't let your hearts be in heaps of ruins, you may be going through something painful, but there is never a reason to be with out joy. Joy is the presence of God in our hearts, and since Romans 8:38 states it best: nothing can seperate us from God. And if nothing can seperate us from God, then nothing can seperate us from joy. I once heard that Jesus didn't come to change the human condition, he came to change how we respond to it. Why do we block God out after so much he has done? The Israelites mentioned in Isiah saw incredible miracles, parting of the red sea; and so much more. But they continued to refuse to lt Jesus into their hearts. Are we not the same? Because we live on Earth we've witnessed God work, seen him so many times, but continue to block him out, unintentionally or intentionally. Just stop, he wants you to put your worries in a glass bottle and send it into the ocean to never be seen or thought of again. Jesus is a sponge that washes the sin away from our hearts, and absorbs all the filth and carries it himself. The world makes our heart heavy, but Jesus said himself his burden is light, wouldn't want be a burden you'd want to carry? Don't let yourself be heavy, give the weight to God who is so much stronger, and more beautiful because he wants to carry us. He saved my heart, and forever I'll want to give it to him again and again. And I need a constant reminder to tell me remember him, and to use him, to take up his burden. "What sorrow awaits those who try to hide their plans from the Lord. Who do their evil deeds in the dark! 'The Lord can't see us' they say. 'He doesn't know whats going on!'. Ho foolish can you be? He is the potter and he is certainly greater then you the clay! Should the created thing say to the creator 'He didn't make me'?" Isiah 29:15-16. Trying to hide your doubts, questions, fears, worries, or anything else little clay? He already knows. He knows your heart, he loves your heart. Why do we so oftenly try to play hide and see with God, how long do we keep him counting behind a tree until we find a good enough hiding place? But this in store when you stop running: " You will keep in perfect peace all who trust in you, all whose thoughts are fixed in you. Trust in the Lord always, for the Lord God is the eternal rock...But for those who are righteous, the way is not steep and rough. You are a God who does what is right, and you smooth out the path ahead of us. Lord, we show our trust in you by obeying your laws; our harts desire is to glorify your name. All night long I search for you; in the morning I earnestly search for God." Isiah 26:3-9
Don't have the desire to search for God or to obey his laws? Pray for it, pray for that desire. That is where I'd like to keep my heart, safely with God. Take time to see where your heart is, and what it is for.
"Wherever tour treasure is, there the desires of your heart will also be." Like 12:34
Saturday, June 12, 2010
Verses that are giving me closure before camp
I need to remember that where ever I am, I should be all there. God is the greatest provider in the whole entire world, I need to trust him. And I need to be present.
"So don't worry about tommorow, for tommorow will bring it's own worries. Today's troubles are enough for today." Matthew 76:34
I need to remember to serve with out whining, I don't want to be lazy in loving/serving others.
"Do not withhold good from those who deserve it when it is in your power to help them. If you can help your neighbor now, don't say "come back tommorow and I will help you"." Proverbs 3:27-28
I need to remember to seek wisdom, forgiveness, and spiritual nourishment.
"Now swallow your pride; go and beg to have your name erased. Don't put it off; do it now! Don't rest until you do" Proverbs 6:3-4
Be kind, remember that sometimes not saying anything is better then saying something, use your words to give life, not to harm it. and be genuine in your love
"hiding hatred makes you a liar, slandering others makes you a fool. too much talk leads to sin. Be sensible and keep your mouth shut. the words of the Godly are like sterling silver, the heart of a fool is worthless. The words of the godly encourage many, but fools are destroyed by their lack of common sense" Proverbs 10:18-21
Don't b anxious.
"Don't let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God, and trust also in me. There is more than enough room in my Father's home." John 14:1
"I am leaving you with a gift-peace of mind and heart. And the peace I give is a gift the world cannot give. So don't be troubled or afraid" John 14:27
All of John 15...so much comfort.
"So don't worry about tommorow, for tommorow will bring it's own worries. Today's troubles are enough for today." Matthew 76:34
I need to remember to serve with out whining, I don't want to be lazy in loving/serving others.
"Do not withhold good from those who deserve it when it is in your power to help them. If you can help your neighbor now, don't say "come back tommorow and I will help you"." Proverbs 3:27-28
I need to remember to seek wisdom, forgiveness, and spiritual nourishment.
"Now swallow your pride; go and beg to have your name erased. Don't put it off; do it now! Don't rest until you do" Proverbs 6:3-4
Be kind, remember that sometimes not saying anything is better then saying something, use your words to give life, not to harm it. and be genuine in your love
"hiding hatred makes you a liar, slandering others makes you a fool. too much talk leads to sin. Be sensible and keep your mouth shut. the words of the Godly are like sterling silver, the heart of a fool is worthless. The words of the godly encourage many, but fools are destroyed by their lack of common sense" Proverbs 10:18-21
Don't b anxious.
"Don't let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God, and trust also in me. There is more than enough room in my Father's home." John 14:1
"I am leaving you with a gift-peace of mind and heart. And the peace I give is a gift the world cannot give. So don't be troubled or afraid" John 14:27
All of John 15...so much comfort.
Thursday, June 10, 2010
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
Blitzen Trapper: Furr
Yeah, when I was only seventeen
I could hear the angels whispering
So I drove into the woods
And wandered aimlessly about
Until I heard my mother shouting through the fog
It turned out to be the howling of a dog
Or a wolf, to be exact
The sound sent shivers down my back
But I was drawn into the pack and before long
They allowed me to join in and sing their song
So from the cliffs and highest hills
Yeah, we would gladly get our fill
Howling endlessly and shrilly at the dawn
And I lost the taste for judging right from wrong
For my flesh had turned to fur
Yeah, and my thoughts they surely were
Turned to instinct and obedience to God
You can wear your fur
Like a river on fire
But you'd better be sure
If you're making God a liar
I'm a rattlesnake, babe,
I'm like fuel on fire
So if you're gonna get made
Don't be afraid of what you've learned
On the day that I turned 23
I was curled up underneath a dogwood tree
When suddenly a girl
Her skin the color of a pearl
She wandered aimlessly, but she didn't seem to see
She was listening for the angels just like me
So I stood and looked about
I brushed the leaves off of my snout
And then I heard my mother shouting through the trees
You should have seen that girl go shaky at the knees
So I took her by the arm
We settled down upon a farm
And raised our children up as gently as you please
And now my fur has turned to skin
And I've been quickly ushered in
To a world that, I confess, I do not know
But I still dream of running careless through the snow
Through the howling winds that blow
Across the ancient distant flow
To fill our bodies up like water till we know
You can wear your fur
Like a river on fire
But you'd better be sure
If you're making God a liar
I'm a rattlesnake, babe,
I'm like fuel on fire
So if you're gonna get made
Don't be afraid of what you've learned
so it's always been known
that you become who ever you spend the most time with.
which reiterates the fact that i need t spend more time with jesus, after all he's exactly what i want to be
which reiterates the fact that i need t spend more time with jesus, after all he's exactly what i want to be
Saturday, June 5, 2010
i am nothing
who am i that i could be called god's child? HIS BELOVED!
who am i that i have the holy spirit living inside me?
the spirit is the only thing that ables me, a unperfect messed up, lost something, but because of the spirit perfect and good can come out of me.
i wrote this in my diary, but it wasn't even me, i could not even take credit for something this good and perfect: "I just want to above all God. I want him to come first. Others to come second. And me to come last. The world isn't about what I'm experiencing, it's about what I'm experiencing because of God. Not because I love him, but because he loves me."
I don't want to be impressed with myself, because I should never take credit for God's work. Even if one of my friends who I've been praying for forever comes to Christ, it as not my work that he found God, it was God that revealed himself. God is soooo perfect. and I am only something, because of him.
who am i that i have the holy spirit living inside me?
the spirit is the only thing that ables me, a unperfect messed up, lost something, but because of the spirit perfect and good can come out of me.
i wrote this in my diary, but it wasn't even me, i could not even take credit for something this good and perfect: "I just want to above all God. I want him to come first. Others to come second. And me to come last. The world isn't about what I'm experiencing, it's about what I'm experiencing because of God. Not because I love him, but because he loves me."
I don't want to be impressed with myself, because I should never take credit for God's work. Even if one of my friends who I've been praying for forever comes to Christ, it as not my work that he found God, it was God that revealed himself. God is soooo perfect. and I am only something, because of him.
you have to have friends that will let you grow
and you have to be a friend that will let someone else grow.
don't think anyone needs you, they don't, they need God, and you need to let them need God.
back off, God has perfect timing and plan.
your pride is deceitful
don't think anyone needs you, they don't, they need God, and you need to let them need God.
back off, God has perfect timing and plan.
your pride is deceitful
Thursday, June 3, 2010
"Wherever your treasure is, there is the desires of your heart will also be." Luke 12:34
uh oh...most of my treasures are stored up on earth.
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
Physical attributes of God
"Nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord." Romans 8:39
God's love takes a physical form, his glory is revealed everywhere throughout the Earth, not one section has hidden from his loving grasp. "They know the truth about God because he has made it obvious to them. For ever since the world was created. people have seen the earth and sky. Through everything God made, they can clearly see his invisible qualities, his eternal power and divine nature. So they have NO EXCUSE FOR NOT KNOWING GOD" Romans 1:18-20. God has revealed himself to all people.
I see God's glory poured into a physical sense, little things that are metaphors and make God's existence more physical/ real to me. the Bible has so many physical metaphors to put God's glory and love for us all into retrospect. his word will ALWAYS say it better than anyone ever could, it's perfect, it's God breathed.
1. "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight."Proverbs 3:5. God's guidance put into a physical sense.In my car I have a navigation system. To work it you put in your destination and you just have to trust; and follow. It leads me crazy places, I feel like I'm getting farther away from my destination sometimes, I don't see what it sees. So I'll be like "no nav! I'm making a left instead of a right", and all it says is "recalculating", and it continues to direct me. As does God. He has a plan for us, all of us, no one left out or left behind. We may not understand his way, and we may choose our own, BUT OUR DESTINATION REMAINS THE SAME. God's destination for us is always were where we will end up, let us trust and find COMFORT in that.
2."I appeal to you, brothers, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ,
that all of you agree with one another so that there may be no divisions
among you and that you may be perfectly united in mind and thought."1Corinthians 1:10. The importance of family in Christ put in a physical sense. Think about your family, or any family, many family ties are unbreakable. Even when you fight, even when you quarrel, your still a FAMILY. Do you see how God has supplied us with our family in Christ? Treat another believer as a brother, as a sister, as your family. Families are families because of blood or love. We are a family for the same reason, Christ's blood shed for us, and our love for him. THAT BONDS US. Just think, we will be in heaven for eternity together, a perfect family because of Christ. Even though families fight and aren't always nice to each other, it doesn't make you less of apart of the family.
3. "This is the message we have heard from him and declare to you: God is light; in him there is no darkness at all. If we claim to have fellowship with him yet walk in the darkness, we lie and do not live by the truth. But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, purifies us from all sin."1 John 1:5-7. The physical evidence of God's glory, light vs. darkness. God is said to be light, evil/ devil is said to be darkness. Think about a dark room, you can't see, your scared, your not sure exactly where you are. Your lost just as you would be with out God's light. But someone flips the switch, and the light is instantly flooded out. You can't have light in darkness, but you can have darkness in light. Light is always more powerful then darkness. Because of light everything becomes visible and nothing is hidden. Just as nothing is hidden from God, and he floods out darkness.
4."So don’t be misled, my dear brothers and sisters. Whatever is good and perfect comes down to us from God our Father, who created all the lights in the heavens. He never changes or casts a shifting shadow. He chose to give birth to us by giving us his true word. And we, out of all creation, became His prized possession. The reason the world does not know us is that it did not know him." James 1:16–18. "How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God. And that is what we are!" 1John 3:1. God's heavenly father love put into a physical sense. God is the Father. Think of your Father (or mother), and they discipline you because they love you. You may not always understand it, but it is always for the better. They always have your best interest at heart, as does God. Even when you are fighting with your parents, your never less their child. You can be mean, even hate them, but it doesn't separate you. Same applies to God, you are NEVER less of his Child, no matter how far, or how separate you feel, your not. Parents set up rules to keep their children safe, so has God. Why not take comfort in the laws of Christ, they were put their to guide us! To keep us from hurt, God has gone through life and watched hurt just as your parents have, he knows, and he wants to save you. In fact, he already has, while we were still sinners.
5. God's simple provision because of faith put into a physical sense."Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon (old testament very powerful king) in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' 32For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." God is the ultimate provider, if this verse doesn't explain the physicallity of his provision, then I don't know what does.
6."Praise the LORD. Praise the LORD, O my soul.I will praise the LORD all my life;I will sing praise to my God as long as I live.Do not put your trust in princes,in mortal men, who cannot save.When their spirit departs, they return to the ground;on that very day their plans come to nothing.Blessed is he whose help is the God of Jacob, whose hope is in the LORD his God,the Maker of heaven and earth,the sea, and everything in them the LORD, who remains faithful forever. He upholds the cause of the oppressed and gives food to the hungry.The LORD sets prisoners free,the LORD gives sight to the blind,the LORD lifts up those who are bowed down,the LORD loves the righteous. LORD watches over the alien and sustains the fatherless and the widow,but he frustrates the ways of the wicked.The LORD reigns forever,your God, O Zion, for all generations. Praise the LORD." Psalm 146. The physical feeling of being with God, and how much he must love us. You know those moments when you feel God and it just completely overwhelms you with joy? those moments are HUGE, they consume you and free you for days. If you feel THAT MUCH joy because of God in a second of feeling him more than usual. can you even fathom what being in his presence will be like! In heaven, ah what a prize! We'll get to walk among our God whom we sought after here on Earth, and that will be HUGE. I can't even imagine the joy and perfection his wholly presence will bring me.
7."For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life." John 3:16. God's love/ gifts to the Earth in a physical sense.Maybe it's just me, but the ocean is so beautiful and SO HUGE. I can see how wildly God loves the Earth if he would put something SO BEAUTIFUL on Earth. Which leads me to wonder how much more beautiful heaven will be!
8. The physical evidence of God's strength, as said by Jesus "Anyone who listens to my teaching and follows it is wise, like a person who builds a house on solid rock" Matthew 7:24
9. A physical metaphor of how easy it is to get lost walking towards God, as said by Jesus."You can enter God's kingdom only through the narrow gate. The highway to hell is broad, and its gate is wide for the many who choose that way. But the gateway to life is very narrow and the road is difficult, and only a few ever find it" Matthew 7:13-14
10. A physical metaphor of how big faith and prayer is, as said by Jesus. "Have faith in God. I tell you the truth, you can say to this mountain, 'May you be lifted up and thrown into the sea,' and it will happen. But you must really believe it will happen and have no doubt in your heart. I tell you, you can pray for anything, and if you believe you have received it, it will be yours." Mark 12:22-25
11. a physical metaphor of importance to stand out because of our love for Christ."Salt therefore is good: but if even the salt have lost its flavor, where shall it be seasoned?" Luke 14:34-35 Salt can lose its flavor, when it gets wet and dries nothing is left but a residue. When Christians blend into the world to avoid the cost of standing for Christ, they are like salt with out flavor. Just as salt preserves food and flavor, Christians preserve the word and good in the world.
There are so many ways God shows his love, and evidence of his existence, physically, emotionally, scientifically. Let us recognize all the good and perfect in the world and thank him for it. Everything good and perfect was created by him, through him, and we need to give it back to him. God's reality kicks my butt every time. So madly in love.
God's love takes a physical form, his glory is revealed everywhere throughout the Earth, not one section has hidden from his loving grasp. "They know the truth about God because he has made it obvious to them. For ever since the world was created. people have seen the earth and sky. Through everything God made, they can clearly see his invisible qualities, his eternal power and divine nature. So they have NO EXCUSE FOR NOT KNOWING GOD" Romans 1:18-20. God has revealed himself to all people.
I see God's glory poured into a physical sense, little things that are metaphors and make God's existence more physical/ real to me. the Bible has so many physical metaphors to put God's glory and love for us all into retrospect. his word will ALWAYS say it better than anyone ever could, it's perfect, it's God breathed.
1. "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight."Proverbs 3:5. God's guidance put into a physical sense.In my car I have a navigation system. To work it you put in your destination and you just have to trust; and follow. It leads me crazy places, I feel like I'm getting farther away from my destination sometimes, I don't see what it sees. So I'll be like "no nav! I'm making a left instead of a right", and all it says is "recalculating", and it continues to direct me. As does God. He has a plan for us, all of us, no one left out or left behind. We may not understand his way, and we may choose our own, BUT OUR DESTINATION REMAINS THE SAME. God's destination for us is always were where we will end up, let us trust and find COMFORT in that.
2."I appeal to you, brothers, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ,
that all of you agree with one another so that there may be no divisions
among you and that you may be perfectly united in mind and thought."1Corinthians 1:10. The importance of family in Christ put in a physical sense. Think about your family, or any family, many family ties are unbreakable. Even when you fight, even when you quarrel, your still a FAMILY. Do you see how God has supplied us with our family in Christ? Treat another believer as a brother, as a sister, as your family. Families are families because of blood or love. We are a family for the same reason, Christ's blood shed for us, and our love for him. THAT BONDS US. Just think, we will be in heaven for eternity together, a perfect family because of Christ. Even though families fight and aren't always nice to each other, it doesn't make you less of apart of the family.
3. "This is the message we have heard from him and declare to you: God is light; in him there is no darkness at all. If we claim to have fellowship with him yet walk in the darkness, we lie and do not live by the truth. But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, purifies us from all sin."1 John 1:5-7. The physical evidence of God's glory, light vs. darkness. God is said to be light, evil/ devil is said to be darkness. Think about a dark room, you can't see, your scared, your not sure exactly where you are. Your lost just as you would be with out God's light. But someone flips the switch, and the light is instantly flooded out. You can't have light in darkness, but you can have darkness in light. Light is always more powerful then darkness. Because of light everything becomes visible and nothing is hidden. Just as nothing is hidden from God, and he floods out darkness.
4."So don’t be misled, my dear brothers and sisters. Whatever is good and perfect comes down to us from God our Father, who created all the lights in the heavens. He never changes or casts a shifting shadow. He chose to give birth to us by giving us his true word. And we, out of all creation, became His prized possession. The reason the world does not know us is that it did not know him." James 1:16–18. "How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God. And that is what we are!" 1John 3:1. God's heavenly father love put into a physical sense. God is the Father. Think of your Father (or mother), and they discipline you because they love you. You may not always understand it, but it is always for the better. They always have your best interest at heart, as does God. Even when you are fighting with your parents, your never less their child. You can be mean, even hate them, but it doesn't separate you. Same applies to God, you are NEVER less of his Child, no matter how far, or how separate you feel, your not. Parents set up rules to keep their children safe, so has God. Why not take comfort in the laws of Christ, they were put their to guide us! To keep us from hurt, God has gone through life and watched hurt just as your parents have, he knows, and he wants to save you. In fact, he already has, while we were still sinners.
5. God's simple provision because of faith put into a physical sense."Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon (old testament very powerful king) in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' 32For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." God is the ultimate provider, if this verse doesn't explain the physicallity of his provision, then I don't know what does.
6."Praise the LORD. Praise the LORD, O my soul.I will praise the LORD all my life;I will sing praise to my God as long as I live.Do not put your trust in princes,in mortal men, who cannot save.When their spirit departs, they return to the ground;on that very day their plans come to nothing.Blessed is he whose help is the God of Jacob, whose hope is in the LORD his God,the Maker of heaven and earth,the sea, and everything in them the LORD, who remains faithful forever. He upholds the cause of the oppressed and gives food to the hungry.The LORD sets prisoners free,the LORD gives sight to the blind,the LORD lifts up those who are bowed down,the LORD loves the righteous. LORD watches over the alien and sustains the fatherless and the widow,but he frustrates the ways of the wicked.The LORD reigns forever,your God, O Zion, for all generations. Praise the LORD." Psalm 146. The physical feeling of being with God, and how much he must love us. You know those moments when you feel God and it just completely overwhelms you with joy? those moments are HUGE, they consume you and free you for days. If you feel THAT MUCH joy because of God in a second of feeling him more than usual. can you even fathom what being in his presence will be like! In heaven, ah what a prize! We'll get to walk among our God whom we sought after here on Earth, and that will be HUGE. I can't even imagine the joy and perfection his wholly presence will bring me.
7."For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life." John 3:16. God's love/ gifts to the Earth in a physical sense.Maybe it's just me, but the ocean is so beautiful and SO HUGE. I can see how wildly God loves the Earth if he would put something SO BEAUTIFUL on Earth. Which leads me to wonder how much more beautiful heaven will be!
8. The physical evidence of God's strength, as said by Jesus "Anyone who listens to my teaching and follows it is wise, like a person who builds a house on solid rock" Matthew 7:24
9. A physical metaphor of how easy it is to get lost walking towards God, as said by Jesus."You can enter God's kingdom only through the narrow gate. The highway to hell is broad, and its gate is wide for the many who choose that way. But the gateway to life is very narrow and the road is difficult, and only a few ever find it" Matthew 7:13-14
10. A physical metaphor of how big faith and prayer is, as said by Jesus. "Have faith in God. I tell you the truth, you can say to this mountain, 'May you be lifted up and thrown into the sea,' and it will happen. But you must really believe it will happen and have no doubt in your heart. I tell you, you can pray for anything, and if you believe you have received it, it will be yours." Mark 12:22-25
11. a physical metaphor of importance to stand out because of our love for Christ."Salt therefore is good: but if even the salt have lost its flavor, where shall it be seasoned?" Luke 14:34-35 Salt can lose its flavor, when it gets wet and dries nothing is left but a residue. When Christians blend into the world to avoid the cost of standing for Christ, they are like salt with out flavor. Just as salt preserves food and flavor, Christians preserve the word and good in the world.
There are so many ways God shows his love, and evidence of his existence, physically, emotionally, scientifically. Let us recognize all the good and perfect in the world and thank him for it. Everything good and perfect was created by him, through him, and we need to give it back to him. God's reality kicks my butt every time. So madly in love.
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