It was a psalm 6 day

I woke up at 6:30 as usual, turned off my alarm and went back to sleep. Woke up at 9 again, decided I should go to school. Went for 2 hours then called my Mom and begged her to let me come home, so I left. I came home and sat on the couch for 3 hours and watched 2 different movies, and apologized to God for moping and not choosing over my hopelessness. But I wait upon his restoration more eagerly then people waiting for the ipad2. He will restore me when he pleases. I'm not asking him for a reason as to how or why I've fallen into a sudden pit, I wasn't there when he made the heavens, I certainly won't question him now. He is my precious silver (Job 22:21-25). "But he knows where I am going. And when he tests me, I will come out as pure as gold...whatever he wants to do, he does." Job 23:10-14.

But I ask him for one thing during this pit- that I will not miss beauty, that I won't forget it, but always recognize it. Today I recognize the beauty of Mother and Daughter making dinner together.







Who even reads this blog haha?

Tonight was refreshing.

It reminded me of the importance of being a woman, laughing, having confidence, sharing yourself, and sharing life with another.
God is making me new, and he will be all of my life.
It's a process I look forward too.
I have a bible study of 5 girls from ages 12-14. Only 2 of them came today, one 12, and one 14.
They think that they are lucky to have me in their life, but truly I am the blessed one.
These girls allow me to be myself, and some how they still think I have it all together and am always right (which of course, I am not).
Today we wandered back to the garden.
Weary, and nervous we took off the fig leaf to find something that we attempted to hide. Wounded flesh. Broken souls, and Jesus.
These 2 girls, taught me a lot today.
Thank you Jesus, for refreshing my soul with your children.
We are all meant to be like children.
Tonight I go to sleep in peace, calling him Yahweh Shalom.

Yahweh Micaddesh

That means the LORD who sanctifies in Hebrew.

sanc·ti·fy :

1.to make holy; set apart as sacred; consecrate.

2.to purify or free from sin: Sanctify your hearts.

3.to impart religious sanction to; render legitimate or binding: to sanctify a vow.

4.to entitle to reverence or respect.

5.to make productive of or conducive to spiritual blessing.

And I heard him say: " 'Come now, lets settle this,' says the LORD. 'Though your sins are like scarlet, I will make them white as snow. Though they are red like crimson, I will make them as white as wool." Isaiah 1:18

So I'm coming.

Timshel- thou mayest

"Remember to be real. I've built this idea that it's holy to act in love, and to politely ask how people are. Romans 12 says to not pretend to love others but to really love them. So God desires truth- not a fig leaf. You may appear holy on the outside by smiling and nodding- but if The Lord has showed me anything its that the inside of the cup should be cleaned before the outside. So if we continue to fake, and put on smiles. That is all we'll be. Why appear holy in areas that your not? If you give up the image, you might actually receive it. Fear of men is dumb when God sees all. Time to get real so that I may truly be transformed. If we don't give it all, we don't receive it all. I want truth- to be real in my sin so that the holy spirit will really transform me."

I wrote this recently in my journal, this year has been so many things. God has transformed me in SO many ways. The phrase of 'letting go' has come up consistently. I'm glad that Jesus is continually making me more real and more present. I love that the course of becoming real, and being made by God is messy and that he wants us to come along and follow him.

"No one is ever united with Christ until he is willing to relinquish not sin only, but his whole way of looking at things. To be born from above of the spirit of God means that we must let go before we lay hold... What our Lord wants us to present to Him is not goodness, nor honesty, nor endeavor, but real solid sin; that is all he can take from us. And what does He give in exchange for our sin? Real solid righteousness. But we must relinquish all pretense of being anything, all claim of being worthy of God's consideration. The the spirit of God will show us what further we need to relinquish...Am I willing to relinquish my hold on all I possess, my hold on my affections, and on everything, and to be identified with the death of Jesus Christ? There is always a sharp disillusionment to go through before we do relinquish...When he sees himself in light of The Lord, the shame and horror and the desperate conviction come home. If you are up against the question of relinquishing, go through the crisis, relinquish all, and God will make you fit for all that he requires of you" -Oswald Chambers.

Relinquish- to release or let go.

2Corinthians talks about a holy sorrow that leads you to repentance. (2Corinthians 7:9-11).


It occurred to me today that God never just does things for you, he isn't made specially for you- but for everyone. The way he used Mary as a host for Jesus. He prepares us for another, or rather for himself. Nothing we go through is with out purpose. Therefore I hope I will always have the same reply Mary had in light of her pregnancy "I am the Lord's servant" (Luke 1:38).


"And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them." Romans 8:28.


In Isaiah 1:24 and Psalm 46:7 (and probably other verses), the hebrew name for God is used "Yahweh-Sabaoth"- The Lord of Hosts. Host in hebrew literally means to horde, both angels and humans. He is the host of everything. This name implies majesty, power, and authority.