7 random thoughts strung together

1. How humans will with hold love to change someone. Example? Like if some girl talked behind another girls back, the girl who was talked about will be really mean to the other girl (most likely to intimidate her,stupid). But the point is the girl who was talked about wants to change the other girls ways, so she won't gossip about her again. Doesn't it sound kind of stupid to with hold love on someone to change them? Because doesn't that just end up making them repulsed by you, instead of respecting you therefore they want to change? So realizing this it's another reminder to constantly love everyone, no matter what they have done to you. Love a person for who they are, not their actions. Although actions speak louder then words, they don't always clearly represent the persons heart. People do make mistakes. Forgive because your heavenly Father has forgiven you, and he delivers you strength and fruits of the spirit to do so (ask and you will receive). Keep in mind that it's not your responsibility to change others, for only God can work/know their heart. And he will change them. Just as the way we shouldn't worry about ourselves because we trust God is taking care of us, we can't worry about another, we have to trust God is taking care of them too. It's not our job to make anyone happy or take care of anyone, or decide who gets into heaven, it's God, and none of us should try to do his work. So pray if you want change, but remember God won't grant unless it's according to his perfect will. I'm not suggesting that we don't help change people (for the better or worse), but as my hope for me, and for others in Christ, that we would be great examples of the richness of our Father. Point blank: God doesn't with hold love to change us, it's because of his love that we do change.

2. "So I died to the law- I stopped trying to meet it's requirements so that I might live for God. My old self has been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me. So I live in this earthly body by trusting the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. I do not treat the grace of God as meaningless." Galatians 2:19-21. Hey Bible, your everything to me, along with your creator, thanks for putting everything in perfectly harsh, clear, and loving words, in the way I or anyone ever could. Thanks for being true, and unchanged for centuries.

3. All of Romans 2.

4. Snow camp was really great, really peaceful. But far different from last year, that being good or bad I have yet to decide. Last year I came to snow camp: nervous, lost, distracted, eager, and for the most part a "woe is me" wreck needing grace from her Lord. And this year I came in: stable, confident, excited about the Lords work recently, and ready to have intimate conversations about Christ (which I did). Last year I remember everything being really slow, and me being utterly thankful for it. This year it went really fast, almost like my head wasn't in the moment, and everything just passed by. But both years: I had so much fun. Snow camp was fun and peaceful, and I did get my thinking and one on one time which I have been asking for ever so consistently.

5. Just how blessed I have been lately. I found myself stupidly bored with my life, same routine: School, sleep, church, and work. Of course I'd hang out with friends, but nothing exciting at all. But recently the excitement and richness of life has been put back into my routine, things have been getting better (aside from the random ugly thoughts or moods). Everything has been good. Mind you this has been my feelings for the last month: I love where I am. With God, with friends, with family, with myself.

6. "God is a relationship, a person I know I can fully trust, but somewhere in my mind and actions I show a lack of faith, don't we all? And I don't know the "right" way to "fix it". Theres so many questions, thoughts, and contradictions that I could bring up to make myself doubt God, and doubt that following him is worth it. But it doesn't take away from his reality, his truth. I may talk myself into dark corners of questioning, not feeling good, making pressure where it doesn't need to be. HUMANIZING everything. God isn't human. I won't fully understand him. Because I am not him, just in the way I wouldn't understand one of my friends, because I am not them." (I wrote in my journal 8/31/09). Next thought: I realized at snow camp while reading old passages just why I love doing that so much. Because my diary, are thoughts I've written down, not only do I love to re-visit my past so evidently, but it reminds me of realizations I've already had that I have forgotten, or haven't been practicing. Making them new and just as beautiful as they were the first time I realized it. But I'm not bragging about my knowledge or anything, but I'm excited for the work Christ has done through me, to me, and for me. I owe everything I have to him, everything. And he has allowed my spirit to speak into my diary so that I won't forget his glory. And I love that I don't alter my diary according to people's opinions, it's just honestly how I feel, or honestly what God is doing. And I think thats something to be excited about, just Christs work in general. I mean how often to we forget he's consistent, and always working with us even when we aren't working with him?

7. God isn't human, his son was, but he was also fully God. Leading me to think there will always be a space of doubt for every believer, or anyone who is seeking after grace. But the space of his love and my faith runs deeper. It's ok to doubt, we can't help it (very much), but you have to ask yourself, which emotion is greater? The doubt or the faith? And I hope that your faith will run deeper then your doubt, my doubt, our doubt. All things are possible through Christ, keep seeking and God will make sure your faith runs deeper then your doubt and worry. Haven't you read those verses that say "ask our gracious father and receive" "seek and you will find" ? Don't be afraid to be real with God, for he knows, but he's waiting for you to ask him for his forgiveness and his strength. But you must be honestly willing, and honest towards God to accept change, and know it's possible but only with him. Even if that means pain and trial.


I don't want to forget these things, these moments, so maybe this blog was written to me (a reminder to myself), or maybe God called me to write it for you. Either way this is just what has been on my mind, and I like to share. (btw, I appreciate feedback, I always wonder who reads these, and if they make sense, or if you liked and or hated them or not? feel free to tell me, or ask me anything. I promise to be quick to listen for anything)

Everything is potentially about to fall apart

And I don't care, thats either very ignorant, or very hopeful. Because my hope is in God, and he has calmed my worries and excited me about my future. I am such a blessed girl, especially in the people who I've been surrounded by lately. (Kristen,Rachel,Michael,Taylor). They kind of make me really happy, and are sooooo dear to me. I feel lucky, I feel drowned in human love, and God's love. I'm overwhelmed with peace and excitement. Everything is perfectly in it's place at this moment, thank God! I'm soooo ready for snow camp, for peace and community in God's snow covered nature! I'm ready to be spiritually fed, and surrounded by believers. And I have this candle in my room and it smells like a cinnamon cookie, and it's amazing! I wish this mood could last forever, too bad my emotions have been uncontrollably jumpy this week. But for now, it's all so ok, and why shouldn't it be? I hope God will give you all peace and calm your doubts, amen.

Biblical "rules"

Often times when I have conversations about faith and God a sentence like this always seems to come up "I don't like rules, Christianity calls you to give up too much. idk". And ya following Christ does call you to give up some things, but what they don't know is how much you want to give those things up. When getting to know Christ and reading the Bible it is revealed to you that he is safety, all powerful, and knows best for anyone. So the "rules" written down in the Bible don't appear to be rules anymore, but guidelines to keep you from hurt. God loves you so much, he tells you no in certain areas that he know will hurt you. He is God, right? He's always been around, right? So can you imagine how many times he has seen people make the same mistakes over and over, how many times he's forgiven the same sins. A MILLION TIMES OVER. So why would we think we know whats best for our life when we can't even see it clearly? God has laid down these laws to try to help you not get hurt because he's seen it so many times before. Therefore what the Bible says about how to live your life isn't a bunch of restrictions, but a abundance of freedom. Freedom from the death that sin provides, freedom from the hurt that sin provides, and freedom from you hurting other people in your selfishness. We need to trust that when God says "don't do this..." that it is only out of his pure love for us. "Do not let sin control the way you live, do not give in to sinful desires. Do not let any part of your body become a instrument of evil to serve sin. Instead, give yourselves completely to God, for you were dead, but now have new life. So use your body as an instrument to what is right for the glory of God. Sin is no longer your master, for you no longer live under the requirements of the law. Instead you live under the freedom of God's grace" Romans 6:12-14. Do not run away from God because you are scared of the laws, or that you are going to fail. He already knows you will, and that debt has already been paid by Jesus dying. For when you realize how much you love God, you are going to want to obey him, not out of fear. But as a act of worship, love, and the trust you have for him with your life. Knowing that sin only brings hurt to everyone. "Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life. Avoid all perverse talk; stay away from corrupt speech. Look straight ahead and fix your eyes on what lies before you mark out a straight path for your feet; stay on the safe path. Don't get sidetracked; keep your feet from following evil." Proverbs 4:23-27. Your heart is your spirit, so please do guard it, and walk stengthened by the Lord. instead of weakened by sin. You stay on a straight path if you exercise self control. You can't forget how all sins are equal: just as much as you work to love others you should work just as hard to love your family. Just as hard as you work to not have sex before marriage, you should work just as hard to not cuss. Just as hard as you work to not get drunk or do drugs, you should work just as hard to not lie. Because people don't see those as equal in the world, but it hurts your spirit equally. And because the holy spirit lives in you, wouldn't you want to keep it a safe place? Galatians 5:19-21:" Now the works of the flesh are obvious, which are: adultery, sexual immorality, uncleanness, lustfulness,idolatry, sorcery, hatred, strife, jealousies, outbursts of anger, rivalries, divisions, heresies,envyings, murders, drunkenness, orgies, and things like these; of which I forewarn you, even as I also forewarned you, that those who practice such things will not inherit the Kingdom of God.". The last line should scare you, but also a reminder that the only unforgiveable sin is blasphemy, denying God exists. So if thats the only thing that could seperate you from God, how could you be scared of him? But accepting Christ as your savior, change comes with that. Always for the better of course, but the spirit will change you. Knowing I'm not worthy of God's love doesn't scare me because I realize what that really entails. Knowing God's grace and how much he has given me makes me want to give my life, and sinful desires to him. As a Christ follower, I get scared in certain areas, but for where there is fear there is no faith. But I know God's love and grace is bigger then everyone's disbelief and weaknesses altogether. So really don't fear the "rules" of the Bible, fear being taken over by the darkness of sin. For they call God light for a reason. Don't let fear keep you from having a relationship with your God.

From the Diary of Gabriella Gaus

I am on staff at twin lakes for Jr.Highers, and every Tuesday from 5:45-8:30 I'm there with them. I mention this because I and another staff member Valerie have a 7th grade small group together. And they are sooooo amazing. Today we were talking about joy, and how having joy is a choice. And how different it is from being happy. Because happiness depends on your circumstances, but joy truly is a choice. And as a girl who knows Christ, I will always have a reason to be joyful no matter what. How close we have grown together as a small group, is something so beautiful that I didn't even think about until today. In the begginging so many of the girls didn't talk, and didn't hang out together outside of our small group. But now everyone shares, everyone listens, and everyone loves each other even when our small group isn't in session. We have formed intimate relationships because of the love and awe we share for our heavenly Father, and those are the BEST friendships. But after bible study got out I didn't feel to well, weird switch in my emotions. I wanted to go home, I got really frustrated and just annoyed with circumstances of my life. And thankfully, God had me open up my diary because I was looking for this password I forgot, but I got so lost in my old wisdom, words, hurts, and things I wrote down that I haven't read in so long. When I came across this entry "oh my gosh, I'm getting it, this is what I've been waiting for! Lord help me really follow and pursue you, this is truth. Ok, I'm ready for my own relationship with you. I'm ready to follow you, even if that means giving myself to you everyday over and over. I'm ready to stop thinking about the world or shameful, angry thoughts. I want your love and kindness to spill over me so I can be made into a awesome example. Keep me with you, because I don't know how you work, but I believe, I want to take your life." And bam, instant tears. Mostly because of the line "oh my gosh, I'm getting it" Because when I said "it" I meant the love Christ has for me. God made sense, the spirit filled me, I had my moment of seeing God, and him becoming my own reality, and knowing that I will never again be the same. Instant joy for my savior who saved me before I realized it, and every day after my decision to let him save me. I choose joy, I choose God, I choose love, I choose the freedom in which he has offered me. "And all of the sudden I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory, when I realize just how beautiful you are and how great your affections are for me". Thats how I feel right now. God is a blanket full of peace and I am so wrapped in it, it feels amazing. I don't know everyone situations, but I know of a savior, I know his beauty can bring anyone to tears as it does to me. I just really hope everyone will take a step towards him, and keep walking with him if you have taken that step already.
I feel at peace, thank you Lord

There is always that wanting to be better

Whether it's to be better then someone else, or be better then your old self. Thing is, everything is changing, and fast. EVERYTHING. I am, you are, he is, she has, we are changing. So by the time you read this I'll probably already be different. But I know this constant trying to improve ourselves is something God has given us, because as much as he has given us free will, he's given us his love which would make you want to improve yourself. Because secretly we know we are better then half the act we put on. We know there is something better, and that something is Jesus. He was the perfect man, and I ache to be like him because he followed my heavenly fathers will perfectly. And I know God's will is perfect, and if I understood it fully, I think I'd be perfect too. Throughout my life people have come in and out, circumstances have risen and depleated. Everything is always such a mess. But thank God for him never changing, and being consistent in his love, even when I didn't know him. From the beginning of time he has stayed the same perfect being as he is today. And that is something to be thankful for. That is something for me to stop and look at, and be happy he's not going anywhere. I like change, but it's also scary, unfamiliar. Something we don't understand will make us run.

every so often

I will stop and really evaluate myself. And this time I found that I need time for myself again. I say again because at the beginning of 2008 all I did was serve other people, think of other peoples feelings. If someone was having a really bad day I would bake them a cake or give them candy. I hardly remember thinking of my own feelings, or my relationship with God (aside from when I'd be at church). And then at the very end of 2008 (and beginning of 209), I was very, very lost. And alone, and left with my thoughts, I had no choice but to think of God and think of myself. And I found that I was important too, that I deserved to make myself happy. So for a while I backed off making sure everyone was ok, because I really needed to take care of myself (let God take care of me). (usually when I say myself I mean me and God, I like to think of us as one. Which i think we are, we're bff's no doubt.) And so during that period of time, it was constant growth, and a constant deliverance of wisdom and strength from God. And I have never been so thankful, or seen God so apparent in my life. But when I look back, everything that hurt and felt so wrong, turned out being so right. And a constant reminder today to trust, love, worship, and follow, to whatever that entitles. And in the last few month or so I've felt distant, not necessarily from God, but from myself? It's just that I've been pouring into a lot of people, deeply into a lot of people. Sharing myself, my wisdom, my relationship, just the word of Christ (which definetly should always be shared!). But I didn't feel anyone really pouring into me, and in some ways I didn't feel God pouring into me. The "nothing is wrong, but nothing is right" state. And I think because of my last trial, I've just been so scared to be hurt again, especially by a boy. Because boys are risky, and no matter how many times I tell myself I don't care or don't want a guy in my life, I do. And no matter how many times I tell myself I'm trusting God and living that out, I'm not. And for the subjects of boys and God, I see a relation. Therefore I have been in a constant box since the end of 2008, and I know I have lived that way. 2009 was no doubt a huge year in my faith, and learning about the trinity and everything that falls under it. And as much as I have trusted God, I'm not trusting that I'll be ok in areas where I wasn't ok before. And for the area I'm thinking of right now, it's boys, I do know what I want, and I'm not sure where to find it. I can easily think of 2 relationships where I should of been more bold, more fearless to tell them how I actually felt, to fix things because us together was a broken relationship. But I haven't, but I want to, so badly. But I fear speaking out would make me look stupid, or even worse make me vulnerable again.I want to leave my box of comfort and having wisdom to back up my choices. I want to do something just because I feel like it and not have to think about it, because I know if I mess up or make the wrong choice, God still takes care of me. I think thats real faith. Just truly trusting and not thinking about your next move, but to just go with it, and know that God is still there. In all honesty, I don't want to make bad choices, only choices that will be examplatory and show God's love, but thinking about what that means all the time drives me to worry that I can't do it. But I think it's possible, for I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength (Phillipians 4:13). I shouldn't worry about tommorow because tommorow will bring it's own worries today's worries is enough for today (matthew 6:34) On my current diary I wrote Matthew 6:28-34 in the front. And that verse is about why we don't have to worry, that God i the ultimate provider. My favoritest part from it is "And if God cares so wonderfully about the flowers that are her today and thrown away tommorow, he will certainly care for you". And with that reassurance, why can't I push myself to take my leap of faith. I don't want to worry, I shall not be scared. I wrote this in one of my diaries around November 24, 2008, and it says "Sometimes you want so badly to get away from where you've been, that even the wrong turn seems like an improvement. And maybe it is. Because even the worst wrong turn takes you to somewhere new". And that is exactly it, I need to accept Grace, that even if I make a wrong turn: I'll be ok, I'll be loved, I'll be taken care of. What I am saying is, be bold in your faith, and in your person. Be OK because God is taking care of you. Take leaps of faith because you have the strength to do so. Don't worry because you always fall back into God's plan. And be thankful because you have these oppurunities formed by God, for you.

Dear God,
I'm re-ready to trust in you, to leave my comfort zone (give me guidance to do so). And to do what is right, to humble myself to do your work and make things ok again. Being in my friendships, other relationships, and my family. I want to be bold in you, and not scared but constantly reassured of your presence. I'm ready to leap with you. Thanks for everything homie, I love you a billion.


(Can you think of a place in your life where you need to leap and trust God will guide you in? If so, and are willing to share, I encourage you to share it. To seek prayer from others for your leap, feel free to leave a comment here or on facebook, or just leave it with God.)

1Timothy 4:12

I'm 16, and I have decided thats a good thing. Not a limiting thing. I always tell myself to appreciate where I am now, because I will never be there again. I'm going to try again. I decided just because I'm "young" doesn't make me stupid, doesn't make my opinion count less. I deserve to be heard, and deserve to give my input, just as much as anyone. Because I don't care about your age, the struggles you've gone through, how long you've been a Christian, or anything, I know we are equal in God's eyes. I don't think God cares about age. He delivers spiritual truths to the young and the old. I have been called "spiritually mature" or "wise beyond my years" kinda thing, and yes I appreciate those comments on my spirit. But I don't necessarily agree with them, I can be smart and young right? Your age doesn't exactly limit your knowledge. In many ways age does play into a lot of the choices you make, or trials you face. But I guess I'm trying to say I'm not going to be silent because I'm young. I'm not going to feel less worthy, because I am young. I'm not going to make a effort to seem older, because I am young. I'm not going to stop myself from doing something, because I am young. I want to be bold in my faith and in my person, no matter what age I am. Even when I'm grown and have kids (hopefully) I want to just be who I am, and do what I feel is right with me and the Lord, and me and my choices, and not because I'm old or young, but because those choices are presented to me. I need confidence in my youngness, and to be humbled in it at the same time. I want to be who the Lord wants me to be, whatever age, whatever timing, and whatever trial it takes me to get closer to him, I'm there. So maybe my age does provide limits? I'm not afraid to follow them if they are whats best for me, but I'm not afraid to disregard them if they aren't. I just don't want to drown into the stereotypes, age limits, and opinions of this world. I just want to be a women in Christ, whatever that means, whatever that looks like, whatever it takes. For if I cling to my life I will lose it, but if I give up my life for God I will find it. I know thats true. So for now, I'm thankful I have this age, this year, and this lifetime to be continually giving up my life, finding it, and giving it back to God. And the reassurance that no matter what age I am, how blind I'm being, how unfaithful I'm being, how confused I feel how happy I feel, when I'm at my best, or when I'm at my worst: God is there, guiding me, laying down the bread crumbs to lead me to his kingdom.

some things i just dont understand

like how everyone can be so different. speak differently. worship differently. act differently. think differently. change differently, and all around be a different person. but at the same time, we are all so the same, somehow connected. aren't we?

or how you can claim to not care about something or someone so many times, then you'll hear something and you care all over again. that person, that situation becomes new. is that just me?

how you make promises to yourself over and over again, and insist on change. and then forget all about it. change can happen, right?

how people can see you a million different ways, depending on the person. everyone's opinion is different right?

how someone could cheat on someone and not tell them. everyone has a concience right?

how we can't help but judge others. we cant help that right?

why people lie. it doesn't get us anywhere, right?

what blind peoples dreams look like. they have to have dreams right?




I don't think I want to understand it all, because life won't stop if I have unanswerable questions...right?

Today

It felt so wrong getting up to go to school, but it felt so right seeing all my friends whom I did not see over winter break. I appreciated my dear friends today, the ones that talked me through the stupid emotions I felt through today. Only people who care about you will tell you not to do something, or know when to let you figure it out on your own, or will stay up with you all night on the phone because you want to rant, or talk in accents for a whole entire night because your convinced you won't be able to talk normally again. God has blessed me with such dear friends, new and old, close and distant, i love them all so much. I have been really thinking there's a few people I should really spend more time with. Weeks are busy, weekends are busier, and I need time alone too. I'm so so so so excited to get my license next month, feb tenth, haven't scheduled it yet though. I can see myself finally able to do thing I want to do. Like sit in my car reading my bible until school starts. Leaving my house and going to find cool places to meditate, like reading my bible at the beach. No one is ever home at my house and I'll finally have rides. So I promise friends who I don't see often, things are going to be changing. I can feel it, it'll be good.
I need a car and my license first, both of them will just pop up easily, right?