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I am still on the road of self discovery.
In all seasons I choose to be who I am.
To accept and discover me.
"It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are"

A teacher once asked me what I think a teenagers biggest challenge in high school is, and I explained to him it is that high schoolers don't know who they are. They arrive freshmen year with theirhormones and insecurities from middle school and are like white canvas's, each encounter, acquaintance, and teach makes a brush stroke and soon enough they are a completely different picture then what they were.

It is great to be you.

With your gifts, quirks, and mind.

I too have spent a lot of time in envy of others talents or qualities, but I am beginning to really appreciate and own my own.
Who really am I? How do I work? How can I serve God best? How do I talk/spend time with God? What am I good at?

I am learning.

Tackling one thing at a time

We tackle it together.
People are the most confusing of all god's creation. We get free will. Some people use that will to crush and burden others. Sometimes I wonder, where is the grace? Why don't we listen to each other's stories? Where is the patience and respect?
I feel but a small buoy in a huge ocean.
The way It is an appropriate response to stand near a ocean and feel small or look at old pictures and smile, so it is an appropriate reaction to see the cruelty of man and be angry. I have hope for myself and others. But I am not sure if I have hope for some people on the earth. God is big enough to change the world and bring us all to know him, and someday he will. But for now, I pray to find myself to be apart of the salt mine, and know my identity in preserving.

Follow what you see

"peeping through my keyhole I see within the range of only about thirty percent of the light that comes from the sun; the rest is infrared and some little ultraviolet, perfectly apparent to many animals, but invisible to me."- Annie Dillard

We are shaped by what we see. We watch the way our mothers carry themselves and practice it. We look at the weather outside to figure out what clothes to wear. We rely on our eyes for a lot of things.
Don't make the mistake of relying on your eyes to see God.
We only see a small part of creation and of his works, he is bigger still.

"For it is not good for man to be alone"

God knows what is good and what isn't good for man.
Let go.

He is in control

I worry about my family, friends, and those younger then me- God is in control.
I need to raise 10,000 dollars and do a million things if I want to go to ywam- God is in control.

The list could go on, but God is control. I have been repeating this to myself over and over again and it continues to relieve me. He knows my needs, and others, and he i taking care of us lest I worry.

I can no undo what he has done, make right what he has not, nor make what he hasn't.
He is in control.
His judgement is perfect.
And one day he will pay back every right and every wrong.
He will restore those who love him to himself.
He will remain in control.

On Christ the solid rock I stand, all other ground is sinking sand

Yesterday I found out that we are taking my nonna off life support.
I had a overwhelming sense of peace about it. I'm not worried for my family and I, even though the months ahead will be harder for my mom then ever. I asked god for unity and peace in my household, and I know he is faithful. My nonna loves Jesus and I will see her later. I'm thankful today for God being there always, and always the same. Always loving.

I have been putting a different bible verse, or encouraging word on my lock screen so every time I go to look st my phone I read it. This week it says "God is in control". And that he is.


He is our rock.
2corinthians 4:16-18, psalm 27.

We have a choice

I will choose silence, so I may hear God and be there with him.
I will choose to be alone and undistracted, to let my feelings that I shove off ripen and face them, and hand them over to God.
I will not play on my phone, and make wishes while I am with my friends.
I will be present in my body and mind to who I am sharing space with.

This week I will.

"i will give thanks to the lord with my whole heart;
I will recount all of your wonderful deeds.
I will be glad and exult in you;
I will sing praise to your name, o most high." psalm 9:1-2

As David chose, I will.

Give it to Him

"Give me all of you! I don't want so much of your time, so much of your talents and money, and so much of your work. I want you. All of you. I have not come to torment or frustrate the natural man or woman, but to kill it! No half measures will do. I don't want to only prune a branch or two; rather I want the whole tree out! Hand it over to me, the whole outfit, all of your desires, all of your dreams and wishes. Turn them ALL over to me, give yourself to me and I will make you a new self- in my image. Give me yourself in exchange I will give you myself. My will, shall become your will. My heart, shall become your heart" - C.s lewis (God saying this to people).

If you go to God when you are feeling like "a good Christian", you are never coming to him at all. Was it not Jesus who said "Come to me you who are weary" or "Blessed are those who are meek in spirit", or even "I came here not for those who think they are righteous but for those who know they are unrighteous, healthy people don't need a doctor- sick people do".
We come as we are.
By his grace we are perfected, never by our own spirit of labor.
Go as you are to a Father who loves you.

I am constantly reminded to give up my hopes, desires, and dreams to God. to go to him first and lean not on my own wisdom. I give him my temptations, and all that is bad with in me. God is not waiting to put a star on the board for you, but sin. Sin is all he can take from you. It is what he desires to free us from.

Being a Christian was easy when I could see my hard work right away rewarded, and when I told God I loved him I could feel it and find affirmation in that. It's easy to measure how well your doing in faith by the actions you produce, and the good you accomplish. My world has been turning upside down because that tree of good works and being perfect is being uprooted and thrown away. I'm being stripped and told to come as I am. Naked and sinful and constantly, blatantly messing up. I can't believe God would love me as I am. It is huge.

Let your affirmation be this; God loves you, and that never changes.