God doesn't walk you around the problem

he walks you through it.

finally some peace around here.

Isaiah 55:8-9

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
neither are your ways my ways,"
declares the LORD.

"As the heavens are higher than the earth,
so are my ways higher than your ways
and my thoughts than your thoughts."

The Lord does work in mysterious ways.

just because your talking about spirit, doesn't mean its of the spirit

Discernment, it's a valueable virtue.
I am seeking it, and it's begining to uproot a lot of old stuff I have taken in, and that stuff has transformed,and created new habits in me, and I'm realizing now...it was wrong. Said with good intentions, but out of insecurity, not out of the holy spirit. Watch out for advice you are given, and "wisdom" you receive.

God, what are you preparing me for? Because I know it's something, because this whole year has been a crazy spiritual ride with you. I know I talked about this year a lot during summer, and you are honoring all tat I asked. You do give better, and a lot differently then parents.

A horrible sentence has been occuring in my head a lot lately, straight from the devil because I am certainly not saying it. And it's this : "you just don't have anything to offer right now, and people are expecting it.".
When you doubt yourself you are doubting God. Let that soak in.

God is in you, The Holy Spirit, Jesus; everything, dwells inside you. God is so big, he always has something to offer, so sure; maybe it's not you at all. But God inside you, and thats really more precious then rubies.

So, I have these 5 girls

And I mentor them, I don't know how, but God brought them into my life.
And 4 of them I had in a bible study last year, and I learned a lot last year. but they are really beggining to teach me this year.
God is shaping me, I can see it.
This year has been CRAZY with them, fights, laughter, but a lot of learning on my part. I'm kind of jealous of how amazing they are.
They possess this honesty with each other, this crazy bondage through Christ that not even the small group I attend has. God has really formed us together.
They lay everything of themselves out on the floor: the dirty, the pretty, the hurt, and the love they have for Christ. I don't even understand it.
And God has been hearing us, and watching us, and now I see his hand. It's moving, he's reaping.
He's breaking down the walls of all 6 of us, humbeling, and breaking us. And I am learning just how beautiful being broken truly is.
Because we stand as the beloved.
They are teaching me how to live, how to enjoy life.
When I see their eyes and hear their hearts, I remember how real God is.
I totally deny God's work in my life sometimes, but there is no denying how real God is when I look at theirs. And that reminds me of how he is not forgetting me, how he is working faithfully in mine too.
They are teaching me what it means to be a friend, a real friend, and more importantly what it means to be a sister in Christ to one another.
(And they all have Bible verses, or quotes about god on their about me's on facebooks..so cool!)
They are teaching me what a small group, a body of believers, should look like.
They are teaching me what it really looks like to love someone on with all of me, to be devoted to them and not selfish, keeping nothing for myself.
They are making me face so many things with in myself, because they are facing those things better then I ever have.
I can't believe I get to watch them grow and meet with them every week, every single one of them is crazy strong.
I've known these 5 girls for the last year, and I am so humbely thankful they just exist.
I can feel and experience the Fathers love for them, and it reminds me of his love for me.
I trust their lives to God, and it reminds me to trust my own.

I have been so selfish and poor when it has come to them, but God is calling me to devotion, calling me to give, calling me to pour. So somethings have to go, and a few things I am ready to give up for God, for these girls.

All I can think is σας ευχαριστώ, which means thank you in greek.

Everything is so much bigger then I am

but God is just SO much bigger then everything.

Blessed are those who are meek in spirit

And it's true, God delivers so much differently than the world does.
I love him.

Some Psalms

"When I look at the night sky and see the works of your fingers- the moon and the stars you set in place- what are mere mortals that you should think about them, human beings that you should care for them? Yet you made them only a little lower than God and crowned them with glory and honor. You gave them charge of everything you made, putting all things under their authority- the flocks and the herds and all the wild animals, the birds in the sky, the fish in the sea, and everything that swims inn the ocean currents. O Lord, our Lord, your majestic name fills the earth!" Psalm 8:3-9

"How can i know all the sins lurking in my heart? Cleanse me from these hidden faults. Keep your servant from deliberate sins! Don't let them control me. Then I will be free of guilt and innocent of greater sin. May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing to you, O Lord my rock my redeemer" Psalm 19:12-14

"Be still, and know that I am God" Psalm 46:10

"You do not desire a sacrifice, or I would offer you one. You do not want a burnt offering. The sacrifice you desire is a broken spirit, you will not reject a broken and repentant heart, O God" Psalm 51:16-7

"Did I keep my heart pure for nothing? Did I keep myself innocent for no reason?...Then I realized that my heart was bitter, and I was all torn up inside. I was so foolish and ignorant-
I must have seemed like a senseless animal to you. Yet I still belong to you; you hold my right hand. You guide me with your counsel, leading me to a glorious destiny. Whom have I in heaven but you? I desire you more than anything on earth. My health may fail, and my spirit may grow weak, but God remains the strength of my heart; he is mine forever." Psalm 73:13-26

"Bend down, O Lord, and here my prayer; answer me for I need your help. Protect me, for I am devoted to you. Save me, for I serve and trust you. You are my God. Be merciful to me, O Lord, for I am calling on you constantly. Give me happiness, O Lord, for I give myself to you. O Lord, you are so good, so ready to forgive, so full of unfailing love for all who ask for your help. Listen closely to my prayer, O Lord; hear my urgent cry. I will call to you whenever I'm in trouble and you will answer me...Grant me purity of heart so that I may honor you" Psalm 86:1-11

"Let all that I am praise the Lord; with my whole heart, I will praise his holy name. Let all that I am praise the Lord; may i never forget the good things he does for me. He forgives all my sins and heals all my diseases. He redeems me from death and crowns me with love and tender mercies. He fills my life with good things. My youth is renewed like the eagle's! the Lord gives rightenousness and justice to all who are treated unfairly...the Lord is compassionate and merciful, slow to get angry and filled with unfailing love, He will not constantly accuse us, nor remain angry forever. He does not punish us for all our sins; he does not deal harshly with us, as we deserve. For his unfailing love towards those who fear him is as great as the height oh heavens above the earth. He ha removed our sins far from us as the east from the west. The Lord is like a father to his children, tender and compassionate to those who fear him. For he knows how weak we are; he remembers we are only dust. Our days on earth are like grass, like wildflowers, we bloom and die. The wind blows and we are gone- as though we had never ben here. But the love of the Lord remains forever with those who fear him...Praise the Lor, everything he has created, everything in all his kingdom. Let all that I am praise the Lord" Psalm 103

Can't I just drop off the face of the earth?

and just somehow live in a cute house, that I have decorated nicely, with some lovely Christian sisters, and we can just be together and travel and do what we want.
And not do school, and not have to work, but always have money and just spend all our time worshiping god and laughing together.

I'm so tired of working, I just want to be.

believers are the body

When parts of the body aren't doing well, it effects the whole thing.
If the knee and the ankle aren't cooperating, the whole body is deffective.


The body needs healing.

Dear Ladies,

You are the wife of Christ.
You are the creation of the creator.
You are the children of the Father.
You are the beloved of the lover.
You are the friend of the Lord.

So where lies your confidence?

Is it in being all those titles, or is it in the titles given to you by peers, classmates, or family? Or worse, do you follow the title YOU have given yourself?

It is known that we did not create ourselves, and if God is perfect and holy, and has never made a mistake, and he is the one who created us.....then why do we doubt ourselves?
You are not a mistake, the way you look, the place you are in; it is not a mistake.

The devil sits in our heads telling us we are unloveable, telling us we are less then desireable, and he is a liar.
If you feel like a out-cast, or feel less than beautiful, the devil is loud in your head, you must believe that God desires you.
Do not let how much people desire you, effect the way you feel about yourself, because then you are following what the devil would want.

But true confidence is not that which is determined by people or ourselves, true confidence is determined by how the creator feels about us.

Guess how he feels.

Do you rate your beauty and worth by how many compliments you get in the day? Whether you get invited to places? Or do you decide you are beautiful if you have a few boys liking you at the moment, or whether you feel good in your outfit or not?

Don't let your love for yourself come from other people.

If you are believing that you are unloveable, or ugly, or need to be more physically this and less physically that, you are rejecting the truth.

And do not live in comparison with one another, recognize the way you personally are created: beautiful and lovely the way God designed you.

"Yet true Godliness with contentment is itself great wealth. After all, we brought nothing with us when we entered the world, and we can't take anything with us when we leave it. So if we have enough food and clothing, LET US BE CONTENT." 1Timothy 6:6-8

I love myself because I love God, because I believe he made me, and I believe I am valueable, and I love others because of those truths too. I do not rate myself or others on the way we look outside, desire none of that. I feel physically beautiful, but not because the clothes I wear or hat my hair looks like, its because I believe what the bible says.

Love your neighbor as yourself, right? Are you loving others because of the way they look? I hope not. So don't buy into the idea that people are loving you because of how you look.

"To acquire wisdom is too love oneself" Proverbs 19:8a

It does not matter how you dress, nothing should dictate how you feel about yourself or others, except for God.
It does not matter whether you are wearing a seemingly cute outfit, or one you feel isn't cute; because your confidence should not be based on appearance at all.

I can write this with full confidence not knowing the way you look: you are loved by God, you are a beautiful valueable girl. One worth dying for, do not let the cross be impersonal to you, because he died for you specifically.

My prayer is that girls would be reminded of where there confidence should come from, that it would be based on what lasts, not what the earth gives. God, let truth ring in our ears about the way you feel about us, that everything that hurts us we would know is from the devil. Quiet his whispers so that we might hear yours. I believe how you feel about me, and I love you more for it. Never let me, or any other person struggeling with self hate forget that you are God. Amen.

praise his name

for the sweetness god lavishes upon me.
sitting under the stars eating chips and starbucks with one of my small group girls, god is real.
waking up with sun peering through my window, god is real.
laughing and smiling, god is real
my car not starting a few times then praying over it and it works again, god is real.
leading the israelites a pillar of cloud by day, fire by night, and manna to eat, god is real.
how can i forget just how much he loves me?

"Be still, and know that I am God" Psalm 46:10