What the cross means to me

Anytime I see a cross I have to stop and look at it. And remember. The cross is a gift, it's meaning I hold dear to my heart. It's a under-appreciated, not acknowledged, incredible, beautiful, flawless, and forever gift. Because on December 25th a child was born, and it was the son of God. And one day this child called Jesus of Nazareth fufilled the proficy of the old testament, and was crucified. On the cross Jesus stated "Eli, Eli, lema sabachtani" which means my, my god, why have you abandoned me? And that line is actually the first line of psalm 22. And Jesus expressed this agony because he experienced something no one else will ever feel, complete seperation from God. And thats just one of the gifts he gave for EVERYONE. Because Jesus died on the cross, no matter who you are, what you've done, what your going to do, how far you feel, if you haven't chosen to know him at all, YOUR NOT FAR ENOUGH. You can never be too far, because Jesus gave his life so we could FOREVER have a relationship with God. Complete seperation would be a lot worse then anything is right now. And I believe that is what hell will look like, complete seperation then God. And thats why I choose to believe there is hope for everyone to be saved by grace, because our disbelief is not as big as his love for us. Jesus made us right with God "and you are holy and blameless as you stand before him with out a single fault." (colossians 2:22). HOLY AND BLAMELESS, because of Jesus. Because someone perfect died, we get a open gate to be right with God. What would life look like if we recognized that? What would life look like if we abided by his perfect laws? It would be heaven, it is going to be heaven. Heaven is where I hope I'm going when I die, and I'll be in full presence of God, earthly desires and worries will be gone. And I'm excited about it. Next time I look at a cross, I won't think "jesus died for my sins", because as much as that is true, it's so much more then that. Thankyou Jesus.

lets face it

No one is better then anyone. So why do secretly we believe so? When I see people mumbling to themself on the streets because of drugs or something, I'm not gonna lie, I think I'm better then them, or at least better off. But I'm not. And following Christ doesn't make me a perfect person. Maybe I make some "smarter" decisions, but it doesn't make me wholly good or wholly bad. Because everyone has a little black in them. I may be stupid and ignorant, but I'm smart enough to know, we need a savior, I need a savior, and no one needs him more or less then anybody else. I'm not ignorant enough to think I can do it on my own. I do believe my life is better with Christ and with the wisdom he's given me, but it doesn't make me need him less. As distant as I get, or when I don't feel him as much at some points, I know he's there. I know he's real, I could never ever doubt again that he all together doesn't exist. Some people believe they are too smart, or too scientific to believe in God. I really think thats where your wrong. There is so much a God, and the Bible explains about life. I am messed up enough to recognize I need constant saving, constant guidance. So you can't see him? Some of the best things in life you can't see. Like love, it's supposed to be amazing, and I know it will be. But you CAN'T explain it, you can only feel it. And happiness or sadness, you can only feel those two. And I don't only feel God, but I see him everywhere, the evidence of his glory. I think a lot of believers and nonbelievers fear him because they don't want to dissapoint him, but guess what, it's not possible. I won't meet anyone here that would know the depths of my heart and love me the same, but I know God does. And that faith in him, makes me strong, not better, but definetly not worse. So when did everything become so complicated? I think life is simple, I think following God is simple, I think loving on someone is simple, so where does all this hurt come in? And does living blindly really mean happiness? Does facing reality really make you hopeless? Is everything as bad as we think it is? Will I meet the one? Will me and my family get healthier? How does the world work? Does this world really matter? I'm not sure at all. It reminds me of one of my most favorite quotes from the book "the Shack it says: "You don't have to have it all figured out, just be with me". And thats huge, thats the love of God. Not needing to impress him, not needing to know him perfectly, not needing to understand, obey, or be something that your not. Although I seek to live a life such as Christ did on Earth, I am weak and poor, but all I am is his. And that saves me, he has saved me, from 2000 years ago on the cross, we have been forever saved. I can't be sure of much. but I know God is right, thats the only thing I'll EVER be sure of.

I really love the beach

there's something about the beach when it's winter.
because during the summer i spend lots of time there i forget how special it is, and how some people don't live near ocean.
there is something about those cold waves crashing on the shore, the sun is shining but it sends you chills, and no one is to be found in the water. i could stare at it forever, watch the waves rise, crash, rise, crash, and not get bored. that constant wonder i have about the beach is like my wonder for God. It's so amazing, but I'm not quite sure how it works. It leaves me wondering, breatheless, and eager to share the beauty with someone else. Being at the beach, sitting there in silence just watching for the next wave to rise, is somehow so profound and amazing for me. I can't really describe. Simple memories like that are some of my very favorites.

Just Saying

I like:
meeting new people
helping hot boy customers @ marini's
working
beaches
swimming
the trinity
hello kitty
talking in a accent
being home alone
lurkin'
downtown
eating
pastaaaaaaaa
reading me Bible
my friends
new stuff
clothes
going to camp hammer
being young
the sun
cupcake mountain
warm nights
girls nights
going to the movies
music
colors
curel anti-aging lotion
my camera (thumbelina)
candles that smell like cake
touching hot stoves
my cats
acting like a goof
holding hands
my bed
reading
'deep' conversations
the snow
texting
coffee
italian sodas
water
church
quoting movies
most everything
etc.

I don't like:
hurting peoples feelings
people who cuss all the time
lies
meat
mirrors
the smell of smoke
the smell of beef sticks/beef jerky
when my cats pee everywhere
door knobs
germs
giant bowls
public restrooms
when there is no soap left in a bathroom
how my eyes are 2 different sizes
people who flake
etc.

Things that inspire me on the daily (not in any specific order)

Sunny Skies
The Beach
Claudia Jacobsen
Ashley Brooke Malone
Kristen Noel Schmitt
Rosemary Vivian BushConn
my baptism, and Eric and Steve
Post secret
The Bible
The Lord

The world

Being a believer in Christ, and not being with him in heaven yet, I think about the world a lot. I think about the things it offers me, and the things God offers me. And at the end of every thought comes this conclusion: nothing in the world lasts except my relationship with Christ. And thats just it, why is it so easy for me, and maybe you, to give into the offerings of the world when we know that everything God offers is so much better. As a girl it's hard for me not to want to look good, seem cool, or attract boys. But all those desires are so worldy, because looks are fleeting, popularity among the world isn't necessary, and I can't trust boys for I know they can fail me unlike God. What does it take to be apart of the world but not of it? Strength from God. Not losing or placing my worth in something worldly, but remembering who I am in Christ. Don't lose your worth, remember who ultimately you belong too. Why would I seek approval in a world that is ultimately so temporary? I've been so confused lately, so many different thoughts floating around in my head. When I get into conversation I really want to talk about it but my speech flows around like a giant circle. I feel I've been in such a standard perfect place with God that I'm on the edge of either being really torn up, or really happy. I feel I'm at a tipping point, and something is going to happen. So many old worries have been placed on my heart, so many new discoveries I have been meditating on. I don't feel my faith is wavering, I still feel God, but something just feels off. I'm not sure what it is, but I have the weirdest feeling I'm going to find out.And even though I feel confident in God's promises, I still find myself a little worried. Pray for rest for my heart and guidance in general?

trials

Why is it that in trial we remember to really rely on God, we remember he is the only one who can save us? I think this verse explains that: "So to keep me from becoming to proud, I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger from Satan to torment me and keep me from becoming proud. Three different times I begged the Lord to take it away. Each time he said, "my grace is all you need. my power works best in weakness." So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me. Thats why I take pleasure in my weaknesses, and in the insults, hardships, persecutions, and troubles I suffer for Christ. For when I am weak, then I am strong." 2Corinithians 12:7-10
And thats exactly it, his power works best in weakness. When we are happy and things are going our way, we aren't relying on God to save us from anything, and somewhere along that grace period we don't feel we need him. I often feel when I am in times of trial God does that as a reminder that I'm so proud and naieve to think I could do it without him, that I could rely on my own wisdom. And as for my weaknesses, I have them, and ya they are embarassing and I don't always want to share. But I wish I could become like Paul and BOAST about them and let Christ work through me. Sometimes I do and sometimes I don't. I've come to thank God because he is consistent, because he never leaves, and always patiently waits and listens to me. It is when I feel alone I truly cry out to God, and thats why I couldn't be scared of hardship because I know what he has promised me: plans to prosper me not to harm me, plan for new life in him, plan for heaven, plan to always love me, and most of all plans to always have my best interest. Even when I feel like everything is going wrong, I can't help but be thankful that I can rely on such a loving God. Because that pain I feel is for my best interests. I'm not saying that if your too happy God will send distaster, I don't think God sends disaster at all. I guess I'm saying the age old motto, everything happens for a reason. I want to further learn to "depend on God's grace, not on our own human wisdom"(2Corinthians 1:12), for I know God's grace is forever. And if that takes a trial for spiritual growth to bloom, I know I'm alright with that, for I trust God and everything he places me in.

Today I found a Bible

I saw a large book lying on a desk if my absent teacher, I thought it was the bible so I went and scooped it up. And it was. But his Bible was FILLED with notes, markings, and highlightings. And it was incredible, and all done by him. I went to my favorite book of the Bible: proverbs, because I wanted to see his notes on it. I came across the passage where it says "We may throw the dice, but the Lord determines how they fall" Proverbs 16:33. And that verse was underlined, leading to a arrow that said JUST THINK ABOUT IT. And thats what I did, I really thought about what it meant. About God's graceful control over everything, about the paths I take up for myself, and the paths he sets me back in. JUST THINK ABOUT IT.


So I guess it's true, you must die to yourself so that you may truly live.

thankyou for loving me

Lately God has been so evident in my ife. I feel him warming every room I walk into, clearing every path he leads me down. Looking back on last year, and the changes he has done is incredible. I have been so thankful for the work he has done and continues doing in my life. Thankful to know him at all. The opportunities and friends he has given me reamaze me when I think of them. So I sit here at my computer humbled by his faithfulness. Remembering the simple reality: he's alive.

perfect.

"Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters: you must be all quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to be angered. For man's anger does not bring out the righteousness of life God desires. So get rid of all moral filth and evil in your lives, and humbly accept the word God has planted in your hearts, for it can save you." James 19-21

to float or drown?

This has been my favorite story in the whole entire Bible for so long

We all know the story, God walks on water.
"Meanwhile, the disciples were in trouble far away from land, for a strong wind has risen, and they were fighting heavy waves. About three o'clock in the morning Jesus came toward them, walking on water. When the disciples saw him walking on water, they were terrifified. In their fear, they cried out, "It's a ghost!" But Jesus spoke to them at once. "Don't be afraid," he said "take courage. I am here!" Then Peter called to him, "Lord, if it's really you, tell me to come to you, walking on the water." "Yes, come" Jesus said. So Peter went over the side of the boat and walked on the water toward Jesus But when he saw the strong wind and waves, he was terrified and began to sink. "Save me Lord!" he shouted. Jesus immediately reached out and grabbed him. "You have so little faith," Jesus said. "Why did you doubt me?" Matthew 14:24-31.
The simple fact being, we are all Peter. We all lose faith, begin to sink. But when Peter first saw God he believed, he could walk above the water. The Ocean representing our problems, the trials we face in life. As we walk along the trials our faith may start out strong, but the harder the trial, the harder it seems to trust what God is doing. And we take our eye off Jesus, and look at the waves of problems we have, and begin to sink. And while we are drowning we forget Jesus screaming at us: "Don't be afraid, take courage I am here!". Our faith wavers if we study the bad in life, but our faith grows if we don't forget what God has promised. The promise to always be there, we shouldn't be afraid. If we focus on the waves and don't look to Christ for help, I don't know how we expect to be saved. Our wisdom isn't enough, we are called to our savior. I remember last year I was having a really, really hard time. I felt so alone, and I only further isolated myself from my friends, from my Lord. But in the midst of all that drowning, I realized I wasn't alone, I wasn't going through this for no reason. But God promises me a light at the end of the tunnel, a lifevest to keep me from drowning. But more importantly spiritual growth, a new closeness to him after enduring the pain. I remember one night,I was crying, no longer because I felt alone but Because I was finally found. I finally took God's offer, the offer to love me, the offer of giving my worries to him. And no one could say that things have been perfect since the moment they devoted themselves to God, but I know everyone could say they are thankful for the reality God is living, protecting, and loving us. I don't want to be Peter, I don't want to drown, I only hope that when I am faced with trial once more, I don't forget God this time. after all, how could i doubt him?

Loving yourself vs loving God

Today while lying in the sun on my trampoline, I was chatting with my best friend. It reminded me how important it is to love yourself.

in a effort to try and not judge other people and the way they worship God, or live their lives. I feel the importance of loving yourself has been over looked. Loving yourself, feeling confident, soooooo important.
A. You should love yourself because you were made exactly the way God wanted you
B. You should love yourself because you respect something you love, and you should respect yourself, and the holy spirit dwells inside you
C. it has been proven that it is harder to trust, and let others love you if you don't love yourself first.
It seems obvious the world has offered some twisted ideas about what love is, it's hard to attain true, true love: "Love is patient and kind. Love is not boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever truths wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance." 1Corinthians 13:4-7
When I think about God's grace and love he has for the world, for me, it's hard to wrap myhead around it.Why me? Am I worth his love? I feel that is because humans are used to disappointment; disappointing ourselves, disappointing others, and being disappointed. And with so much hurt, how could you imagine never disappointing someone? Someone who has NEVER and will NEVER disappoint you? Because we are often so distant from real love, God's idea of love, so it makes it harder for humans to realize his love. The world makes it easier to hate yourself, because if your "insecure" people feel more bad for you, but if you actually like yourself your called names like "cocky" or "self-centered", and yes I agree those terms may apply to some people, and are negative. But loving yourself, for the fact God loves you, is right, not negative, being confident in the Lord is not a bad thing. Because with that confidence that he loves you and will take care of you relieves the worries of the world, the worries God wants to take care of FOR YOU. God is there for me, and for everyone, i urge everyone myself included to be there for him back. With loving yourself comes loving others, which is important to God because everyone, whether they believe in him or not, is a creature of God, and he loves them. "Therefore, love each other deeply for love covers over a multitude of sins" 1Peter 4:8. With loving yourself comes respecting yourself, not falling into the offerings of the world, which will harm you, but sinking into the offerings of God which are always in your best interest. "Don't you realize your bodies are actual parts of Christ? Should a man take his body, which is apart of Christ, and join it to a prostitute? Never!" 1Corinthians 6:15. The fact that God dwells inside me, disturbs me because I often feel like I'm a unsafe home for the holy spirit. But I do love and respect myself, and others (fail sometimes), because it is what God has called me, and everyone to do. I want to be a safe haven for the holy spirit.

Fact is: love yourself, and love others.Not only for the fact of being made in God's image, believing that or not believing that, but for the fact your a living person, and your worth it. I urge all to love themselves, then to love people. YOUR WORTH IT, I promise. I don't care what you've done, what your going to do, or who you are, YOUR WORTH LOVE and that should never be forgotten.