There is a God who loves

"That you may know the hope to which he has called you, what are the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints," Ephesians 1:18

The inheritance here is not referring to the inheritance of heaven we receive as Christians, but his inheritance of us. God longs to bring us safely home, to inherit us when we arrive at the heavenly gates. This indicates how precious his people are to God. They are what he looks forward to enjoying forever.

There is a God who loves

During the time Paul wrote Ephesians there were many pagan Gods. Everything Paul wrote was in direct contradiction of the Pagan Gods. These pagan Gods were human made, and as I was reading about them in my ESV study bible it made more and more sense to me why they were created. They were in direct opposition with God. They were understood to be fickle, unforgiving, and bound by arbitrary fate. Because we don't understand the goodness of God. We don't understand that this Holy God could care, and want to work with us through life, and be patient with us. We aren't patient with ourselves. It was easier for people to create a God to serve that was much like a reflection of who they were, then to serve the true God who told them that he was set apart, that he would be holy. They couldn't understand the idea that if this God, if this Jesus- was who they said they were- why they were loved? Why they were wanted? How could the creator of all man kind care about the number of hairs on all our heads?


We have a God that loves

Abram had just seen his Father pass,

and The LORD told him to leave the land that his Father desired for him. Abram moves, lies about his wife Sarai, leaves his nephew Lot, and is blessed by Melchizedek. Life has just began again, the flood was finally dried up- and The LORD was reaching to his people. God makes his second promise ever, to Abram (before he becomes Abraham.). Abram felt that he had been cheated a little bit. He's been following this God into the unknown and he still has no children to carry on his name. Having a heir back then was just about the greatest thing you could do, Hebrews were very serious about their genealogies and having sons. Abram is like "God I have no one to be my heir, this man who just lives in my house, Eliezer, will have to inherit it. You have given me no offspring.". And then one of my most favorite replies and images was written: "This man shall not be your heir; your very own son shall be your heir.' And he (God) brought him outside and said, Look toward heaven, and number the stars, if you are able to number them.' Then he said to him, 'So shall your offspring be'". Genesis 15:4-5.God has the most beautiful ways of revealing things to us. "Look at the stars, number them". It was impossible for Abram to do that. He had to trust God that he knew the number, and God "counted him righteous because of his faith". It was all Abram wanted, was to have a heir. And God told him that many would be his heir. Although this isn't biblically sound, I could see God and Abram walking amidst the cold night. Abrams toes brushing the sand, God's hand upon his back. I can hear him show Abram the stars, steadily, gently, with intentional pauses, causing Abram to wonder- giving him time to believe. We can't count the stars. Stars were such a wonder in that day, mentioned all throughout the Bible as these things that just screamed God's existence. In the way Christians fall back on the cross, so the Hebrews fell back on the stars. As much as I love and am fascinated with science. Sometimes that knowledge and desire to figure things out, spurs us in the wrong direction. We get stars, we can't count them, but we could give you the laws and equation to figure them out. Stars are this far. It takes this long for a stars light to reach earth. Most of the stars we see are probably dead. Abram didn't see stars as a scientific phenomenon- but the very promise of God. I can imagine during the time Abram was waiting for Sarai to be impregnated he would feel doubt emerging and would quickly walk outside and look at the stars. "I remember these stars, God promised.". God's promises never fail, they are there forever, and they are eternal. We must not try to figure out God and how he will fulfill his promise, but like Abram, believe and cling to that. Tonight I will look at the stars and remember the promise God gave Abram, and remember the promises Jesus gave me.

April 14, 10:49 pm

Foreword: I was deleting some blogs, and I found this, I didn't publish it that night, it was still in my drafts. I'm publishing it now.

I was driving home from a extremely challenging "no boys allowed". I went in my car and began to drive. I turned off the radio, I decided to myself "I need to process with God, time to pray, I won't listen to this the entire ride home.". I didn't have anything to pray, no pressings, no words at all came up. All I heard was lies, complaints, thoughts that were not mine. So I just stopped trying and sat there silently for a while. I had now just passed Morissey exit and was hearing terrible things. Then a line from a song I had previously hated began to play in my head "The waves they keep on telling me time and time again"Boy, you'll never win, You you'll never win But the Voice of truth tells me a different story. The Voice of truth says "do not be afraid!"and the Voice of truth says "this is for My glory"." Then I felt like I was supposed to turn on the radio, i looked up and said "The voice of truth is on, isn't it?". I turned k-love on again and it was instead playing "how he loves", it was at the end of the song. I began to cry, and just repeated "I hear you, I hear you". Then with out interruption, or commercial- the voice of truth came on. My cry turned into sobbing, into weeping. Each word was like what I have been trying to communicate. I don't remember the last time I cried that hard, I kind of thought I was going to crash. I didn't make that moment into something that it wasn't, it was what it was, it was what I needed. I didn't pray, no words or insight came about it. Just tears. Just brokenness. but it wasn't this brokenness of condemnation, but of freedom before God. I felt his eyes watching me, as if he was sitting in the passenger seat rubbing my back.

Being a Christian is hard. and the pressure I put on myself, makes it harder, and into something Jesus did not intend. He rebuked the pharisees for not lifting a finger to ease the burden.

Jesus takes us places we don't want to go. "'I tell you the truth, when you were young, you were able to do as you liked; you dressed yourself and went wherever you wanted to go. But when you are old, you will stretch out your hands and others will dress you and take you where you don't want to go'...Then Jesus told him 'follow me'" John 21:18-19. John 21 explains everything to me.

I did not know what I was getting myself into when I became a Christian and gave my life to God. Being made hurts. I didn't know I was called to suffering. I didn't know I would feel like such a stranger in my home, school, and world. Jesus wants the best for his kingdom. I have seen Christians make following Christ look like this easy inviting thing, I myself have made it look that way. But whenever Jesus was asked what its like to follow him, his reply was always like "Give up your life. Take up your cross. And follow me.". And that turned a lot of people away. I wonder how seriously I took that reply when I became a Christian. He never said it was going to be easy, Jesus certainly never hid how hard being in the world is. He told us flat out. Few find it. I'm learning what that calling actually means for me. Getting lies out of my head. Seeing dirt be ripped out. Surrender. It is rough. this is not a easy process, I am human. But I would never a thousand times ever, ever, ever, eeeeever take back my decision to follow Christ. I don't always feel like I am lead through cool waters, and by still streams. But I do get all that I ask for, and I have asked for this. I've asked for everything I'm receiving. I'm so glad we don't control or advise God. I'm so glad he doesn't stop when I ask him too, or when I grow weak and weary and want to just drop out. He never forsakes me. He leads, he goes before. I'm not lost, I'm just on my way.

Jesus-

I can't get over your love.
I laugh at the days to come, knowing that all will be spent with you.
I'm weary yet, but so excited.

If you really knew me

You'd know that I don't like soda because of the carbonation, except for Ginger ale and italian sodas. I wash my hands like crazy. I wish I could speak Hebrew fluently. My first kiss was the worst kiss ever. I get bloody noses all the time. One time I got lost on the Eiffel tower and my parents finally found me at a orange juice stand. I'm a hopeful romantic. Red is my favorite color. Being asked questions about the bible or Jesus is my favoritest thing in the world. I'm more scared of the idea of a boyfriend then marriage. I'm a vegetarian. I love musicals. I drove to la when I was in fifth grade to audition for 'all that' and they showed part of my interview on the show. In fifth grade I also received Italian lessons and spoke it fluently for a while. I really want to live in a Victorian type house when I'm married. I would settle for a food size porch with cutesy outdoor furniture. I pull out my hair, it's the worst habit in the world. I have kept journals since 6th grade. I hope for a boy that will enjoy sitting in cars and beaches with me as much as I do. I got a bike for my 18th birthday and I love it so much it's weird. I love reading, but I rarely read anything unbiblically related. psalm 139 is currently my favorite psalm, despite the over read 'you knit me together in my mothers womb' part. Door knobs gross me out. I have never boughten any of my bibles. I love writing, but never do it anymore. I tell god goodmorning and goodnight every day. I still and forever will, sleep with my baby blanket. I wish I could play guitar. I Looooove being in water. I hate staying up late alone, so much. I don't like driving at night. Me and my sister are extremely different. I love receiving text messages. In seventh grade I did a pageant, and sang in the circus. I used to never cry in movies, now I love too, but get really embarrassed about it. I think smacking your lips while eating is the most unattractive thing in the world. Sometimes I feel like a young elf. I'm in a airport writing this. I really admire those around me, like my friends and stuff. Not the airport people. I think I'm pretty funny. I wish I was more quiet in large social settings, but I love people and am kind of outgoing, but I've seen myself become a lot more calm. I think blonde is the greatest hair color. I love having curly hair. I have never been on a mission trip and really want to go on one. I wish I was a little taller. My young looking face embarrasses me a little bit. I hate sleeping in cars, but do it. I love mcdonalds fries. I really look for creativity in a the opposite sex. I love salads. Barbies was me and my sisters biggest past time when we were younger. I'm so good at the electric slide. I love Aaron Carter. Sometimes I snort. In third grade I was sleeping and really had to pee but didn't want to get up, so I just wet the bed and went back to sleep. The next day I had this HUGE pimple on my face and sat next to my crush, so I kept my hand on my face all day. Then my teacher made me put my hand down and it was the most embaraasing thing in the world. I've never been on a date. I've lost a lot of confidence this year. I have never felt angry at god. I love being a virgin. I think people who are real, and share themselves- good and bad; is the most admirable trait in the world.


I hope you appreciated me sharing myself.