this is the worst thing I'll ever say

our relationship is a burden on my spirit, life and future.
when I think about the way I feel about you (for most of the time, not all of the time), I think "how can I call myself a Christian when I feel like this towards another?". It's not that I hate you at all, but I just completely lack grace. And I'm sorry. Praying for us is my most consistent prayer.
YOU EFFECT EVERYTHING I DO.
I must break the pattern.
Blog readers, pray for us too.

oh crap

I have not been a good image of Christ lately.
I've been so consumed with worldly things.
I'm feeling so nervous about camp.
God put me there so I am supposed to be there, but I just feel like I'll fail or something, and is it weird that I'm scared that God has entrusted this oppurtunity to me?
I'm so excited for the summer, and to be in a family of Christ such as the one camp hammer staff always has.
But I just don't personally feel good enough.
It's not a I need to work there to be perfect kinda thing, I have just been lagging in my Christ likeness lately.
I need to draw nearer.
oh gosh, i don't know.

oooooh

today has been so good so far.
i got this new tea and it made me so hyper! I've had energy all day, so nice.
things are in there place currently.
gah i needsa car!

I went to bed

so mad at you last night. so mad at things you have done to me. I've forgiven, but certainly not forgotten. forgiveness is a gift, but my trust must be earned. i have always had more reasons to not trust you then too trust you, and that for once isn't my fault. you have done some really gross things, and i tried to forget. but it is so important for me not too so i can protect myself in the future. now i am remembering, because this will never happen again.

Relationships

They all need to have the same things: love, trust, communication, honesty, and comfort. Have you realized that those things apply to your relationship with Christ?
And they can't be one sided, ya it takes effort

exactly

http://www.gotquestions.org/faith.html

I never give much thought about the devil

Because as much as I'd like to deny it, he has power. His power is death which is caused by sin. The devil makes deaath look like life, sin look like freedom, and dark look like light. I have to remember there are 2 powers that are trying to win over my heart, the devil and God. god is winning and more powerful, and i know he has already beaten the devil out by sending his son Jesus. The most perfect sacrifice in the whole world, which depleated satan's power. but I must recognize the sin that remains in my life, even as I grow more towards Christ. And it's important to deny those sins because it's easy to become a slave to them, a slave to the devil. Don't be confused when something worldy or sinful looks good, you won't find freedom there. Hold your treasures in heaven because thats where you'll be, anything you do sinful that happens on earth, well that is the ONLY reward you will ever get; that moment. It does not fulfill nor sustain you, for only God can do that. Don't get confused, don't give in. God won't trick you. but the devil leads you down paths paved with tricks. God comes through with his promises and is ever o faithful, the devil never does anything right nor comes thrhough with his promises. So who have you given your life too? Jesus, thank god for him, and don't forget it. It is very possible to receive things from God, but remember you can just as well receive things from the devil. If you have that pit feeling in your stomach saying something is a bad idea, go with it, for more then likely thats God trying to help you. If you feel pressure from God, you already know that it's not from him. But it isn't just from you either, the devil is trying to disguise the good so that you will turn to him. Run from it, run from it.

Flesh and spirit

Sometimes they seem so seperate. Because when referring to what the flesh craves; which is sin. And the Spirit craves; everything good and perfect, what God offers. And lately the idea of suffering in the body has been brought up a few different times. At my discipleship group we are reading from Hebrews and it said something about being made perfect through suffering. Of course it was referring to Jesus, and dying on the cross. but it reminds me of the Colossians verse that says you are perfect in weakness for when you are weak, you are strong. And I absolutely adore that verse, but it did confuse me for a long time. Because when I think weak, I was thinking of spiritually weak. But that is wrong, we are made perfect through suffering. A lot of times I will really rely on God when I am weak, because I don't know what else to do. And we feel weak in body, but our spirit always grows after trials, God has promised that. God promises us that if we endure suffering, there is a place for us in heaven. So I think we are meant to be weak in the flesh, but not in spirit. I was reading acts and Paul was nearly stoned to death in Lystra, he was DRAGGED outside the city because they thought he was dead. And then he got up and he and Barnabus continued onto Derbe! The Bible doesn't describe how Paul felt, but you imagine it hurt, to the point where they thought he was dead, Paul was weak in body. And the next chapter says that he continued on and strengthened believers "encouraging them to continue in faith, reminding them that we must suffer many hardships to enter the kingdom of God" (Acts 14:22). It just makes sense to me.
Weak in body, doesn't mean weak in spirit.

I didn't go to school today

Time goes by so fast when you don't want it too.
I've been thinking about you lots, where are you?
All I feel like doing is writing song lyrics in this blog
ha, but I'm not going too.
I just haven't had anything to say in the last three days.
Gah I'm still so bored, and just so excited for summer.

God is just love

He loves me so much, his grace is my motivation in which I respond to with the means of my life. And I'm convinced that anything that I feel that is dark or hurts or is a burden: i certainly not from God, but from my human-ness. Everything perfect and beautiful is GODS, and we are his. So that makes me perfect and beautiful. Yet I constantly throw dabs into my heart with my own mind. God's love isn't deserved, but it is given. Jesus was God's divine plan for us to be made right, from the very beggining. I've been places where I never thought I would be able to get out of, and I'm out. I don't think I'll ever feel the say, I didn't have or notice God when I felt that way, and God has saved me from ever feeling that way again. Sometimes I feel like just walking away, not because anything is really wrong, honestly I have no idea why. I'll get in these moods and I'll just want to give up effort, but being people who are quick to desert everything they've found, not only annoy me, but it's just impossible. Even if one day I really did just stop with God, it would take so long for me to transform back into who I was, unloving and uncaring, certainly blinded. You can''t just walk away and feel nothing, don't you know your losing EVERYTHING? God is the only thing that makes sense to me. Uh, I'm just thankful and lost and perfect and just so loved by God. Sometimes I feel ashamed before God, as maybe I should be, but there is no incentive too. That is religion and legalism, earning your way into God's grace. But grace is something to accept, not earn, Ive accepted, Ive been accepting, I'm going t keep accepting. Sometimes I just get so tired and just don't know which way to go, and I know I don't have to do anything, but I still feel it. I just can't wait to be in heaven and completed in the presence of God.

You know,

We're all just perfect the way we are. Perfectly placed, perfectly made, and perfectly loved by our savior.

Freedom in Christ

Has been my main concentration in the last 2 weeks, and I am learning, I am embracing. I saw how much I was weighed down, and weary, and I am feeling lighter again. What I've been trying to do is to not concentrate on all my flaws, and just let God work. Pray expectantly that he will transform me and work in me with out me noticing, and the Bible says "If you think you have received what you've been praying for, then you have". And I have, and I am. What I've noticed is that I am not stressing myself with laws, but my actions and words HAVEN'T changed. God and the Bible really is so embedded in me that I don't have to choke myself with thinking about being perfect (not that I deserve any credit for what Christ has done through me.). What it really is, is that I have given up. And for the moment it has been the best thing for me. In 2003 Rene Schlaepfer did a sermon on freedom in Christ and he said this: "Liberation. Can you agree with this: There are times when you and I can LOSE our sense of freedom in Christ. And whats interesting is, the 2 things that can rob us of our freedom are polar opposites: sin, and religion." Rene also said to beware of the phrase "Christ plus", meaning Christ plus our ways, Christ plus this hair cut, just adding more rules into what it means to be a Christian. CHRIST PLUS HUMAN EFFORT. And all my efforts to become more Christ-like, have simply been human. It needs to come from him and him alone. Such a constant struggle between flesh and spirit. Wanting to do things for myself, but needing him to do it. Wanting to get attention from boy, but needing attention from him. Wanting to call up my best friend when I'm upset, but knowing I should just talk with God first, let him be my best friend. I don't want to compromise with God ever, its me that changes and needs work: never him. Sometimes we make our relationship with him into such a religion, such a "thing". It shouldn't be Christ plus this, it should be Christ alone. And the way to ever do that, I have no certain idea. I'm just living, and living with Christ as much I know how to at this point. I will continue to strive towards right, but I'm not afraid to turn left. God saved me before I ever had a chance to save myself, which simply would be impossible. And thats it, thats were the circles stop turning, I'm already saved.


Jesus says to take up his yolk because it is weightless, because it is light, and freedom. If you feel any pressure or burden, it is surely not from the yolk of Christ, for he only offers good. All the pressure I feel is not from Christ, it's just from myself.

mrow

1. I am SO thankful God brought me to church today, I feel much lighter!
2. I re-did my blog adn I'm so obsessed with how it looks!
3. I have been learning so much lately!
4. I am realizing what it means, and what a challenge it is to be INTERNAL