God is enough

Emotions have been so inconsistent lately, I've been pretty weighed down. And yet again I call to my closest friends to help me, I seek counsel to affirm me. But God says no: "So to keep me from becoming proud,I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger from satan to torment me and keep me from becoming proud. Three different times I begged the Lord to take it away. Each time he said, "My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness."...Now I take pleasure in my weaknesses...for when I am weak I am strong" 2Corinthian 12:7-10.
So I've been processing a lot and talking a lot to God and others, and have remained in weakness yet also in God's love for the last 3 or 4 weeks. And it's ok, I lost sight of beauty for a little bit, losing myself in a pity party for feeling the way I have been. But I experienced God's beauty in my weakness, especially this week. I have called on God for soooo long to change me, to challenge me in a way he hasn't yet, told him I will do whatever it takes to be closer to him; and he is acting. Last summer I remember having a very sad conversation with a staff member for camp. A few of us were all sitting around a table and talking about how the world is fallen, how no matter how hard we try we are still going to feel, we still won't be close enough to God. And thats something so frustrating to me, is there will always be some blockage because of how much my sinful nature holds me back, I wish I wasn't so sinful, but thats how it is (Romans 7). And among these dear friends I said something that I never wanted to face with in myself, a belief embedded deep with in me: I said "His grace just isn't enough here". I was referencing and had in mind the verse I said earlier. But just now God is telling me that he is enough, he's enough here, he is enough everywhere. He is enough. He is enough. He is enough.
In the midst of tearful eyes and a broken heart, I can still hear him saying "I am enough, and you still belong to me". I'm devoted to him, he' devoted to me. And I am thankful for what he has allowed me to see and feel these last few weeks, because it sucks and hurts like anything, but is teaching me a great deal, and I am relying on him again. god creates the light and makes there darkness therefore he is in both, Isiah 45:7. I'm thankful, not worried. And constantly reminded that knowing God was the most amazing decision I ever made, thank you Father.


"then I realized that my heart was bitter, and I was all torn up inside.
I was so foolish and ignorant-
I must have seemed like a seneless animal to you.
Yet still I belong to you;
you hold my right hand.
You guide me with your counsel,
leading me to a glorious destiny.
Whom have I in heaen but you?
I desire you more than anything on the earth.
My health may fail, and my spirit may grow weak,
but god remains the strength of my heart;
he is mine forever"

Psalm 73:21-26