2 thoughts

1. I was reading old messages between a girl I was giving advice to. It was so interesting, because my friend brought up how much stronger and more things I've given up since before summer, and I told myself not really I was pretty much like this last summer. But God's pointed out, it's not true. Of course I always know I'm growing, but I like my views better now. I know the Bible better now, and my words are based off it's word, not my own. I'm not as afraid to be different, I'm more free from thoughts that dominate unbelievers. I love what God is continually doing to me, and the others that walk with me.

2. Uh boys have been on my mind so much lately. I don't like it, but I listen to these songs and watch these movies about love and how a boy and a girl just couldn't stand to live without each other. And I WISH someone couldn't stand to live with out me, someone of the opposite sex. I wish I didn't always feel so replaceable to boys. Because I do love myself, and know what I want, and I want a boy who'd appreciate that. I don't believe in the saying that dating in high school is good practice, and gets you more prepared. Thats not true, every relationship you walk into you walk into with scars from the previous one. In high school you get hurt a lot, rarely does a high school boy like themself enough to actually share themselves with someone else. They don't know how to show effection, and they are struggling with their desires. People get hurt. I've been hurt badly twice, and I have seen how they effect the way I am towards boys. I don't like those scars, and they usually hurt the person I am dating in the present. I am so confident God will lead to me to the right guy and we'll be everything I wanted, problems of course, but I know that happiness will cover them. I want a boy who is devoted to Christ, that honors that relationship with his actions. A boy who'd go to breakfast with me, and watch sunsets on the beach. Someone who'd be my best friend, we could talk for hours with out pauses, about anything, about everything. I want us to respect each other. I want us to grow in Christ together, and hold eachother accountable, and encourage each other in our relationships. I want our relationships to be strong and run deep because we mutually adore God. I want us to let each other in, and have a good understanding with another. i want him to care, really care, not give up on me if I don't want him too. I want him to stick around, I want us to compromise and have great communication. I want us to always be honest and thoughtful. I want him to be the boy version of me, I want out thought processes to be alike, I want us to have SO MUCH in common. I want him to treat me like a princess, even around his friends. I want us to go out and be anywhere, doing anything, and have fun because we're just with each other. I want comfort, trust, and honesty. I want him to make me laugh a lot, I want him to be outgoing. I want to fall in love with him, and him for me. I don't want to date a boy that I couldn't imagine marrying. I don't want to settle. I want him to love himself. I want him to want me. I'm waiting gracefully, but sometimes I get really impatient. This is a stupid want. I just never like boys, and i want to really feel that again, like I did in 2008. I know I had a boyfriend this year, but it almost wasn't real, it was not what I wanted at all.