On your porch, by the Format.

"Whats left to lose? You've done enough. And if you fail then you fail but not to us. These last 3 years, i know they've been hard. But now its time to get out of the desert and into the sun. Even if its alone."

Thats just human instinct isn't it? Times have been hard, we have been failed, and failed others, but there comes a time where you just have to get back into loving things again. It reminds me of what my friend has to say about "remaining", and I get it. You look at some people who just trail joy everywhere they go, and then you hear their story or there weaknesses, what they've been through, and you cock your head to the said and are like "Really? You've been through that? and here you are...". Life can be tough, but insanely beautiful. And when things get hard, we can break, stay broken, but we remain. God remains with us, more importantly. Things I never thought I could heal from, I have been, I have felt some darkness, and its shaped me, but it doesn't consume me anymore. God has made me new, my body has done things, but my soul has not, and is continually renewed as i continue my relationship with Christ. And that is the best blessing in the whole world, the chance to remain, the chance to be made new! I remember saying a very long time ago that I didn't understand Christianity and that it makes me feel unhuman because it doesn't want me to express human desires, like anger, sadness, jealousy, or cussing. I think differently, but those are human desires, and loving god isn't a ticket to escape those. You fight them, but you know that God will help, never desert you. No one has ever said life i going to be easy with God, but I know it is so much harder with out him. and those feelings are guided by human wants, and it sickens me, the bible says let the spirit guide your lives for a reason. Because being guided by your spirit and by faith brings fulfillment. The humanely desires you fulfill here, that is the only reward you will ever get. Save your rewards in heaven, for every time you deny body, God blesses you. Every time your made fun of, God adores you. Every time you knocked down, God restores you. "Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize.Everyone who competes in the games goes into strict training. They do it to get a crown that will not last; but we do it to get a crown that will last forever. Therefore I do not run like a man running aimlessly; I do not fight like a man beating the air. No, I beat my body and make it my slave so that after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified for the prize." 1Corinthians 9:24-27. Often people will analyzie God and edit him to make him to fit their lives, instead beat and edit yourself to fit his. God doesn't change, but we can, and we should. Seek change, seek your heavenly prize. Don't be consumed with thoughts that dominate unbelievers, for you have been free'd and welcomed into God's kingdom. So now it's time to get out of the desert and into the sun