It's time to embrace

I'm throwing away fear. Fear of judgement from the world, fear of being a "stupid teenager". I'm going to CLAIM individuality, I want to be present. Present in life, where I am, WHO I AM RIGHT NOW. I aspire to be someone who is just so filled with life and with Christ that it over flows on too whoever I'm near. I'm not going to explain every move I make in hopes that I won't disappoint, if I was still trying to please man I would not be a servant of Christ. That I'll be dauntless, and not stuck in the past or worrying about the future. I want to be whoever I am in the moment. I'm young, I'm still being shaped. I want to adore myself. I'm taking back freedom, and relying on God. And I'm doing it on my own, this phase of my relationship with Christ is different. It's not doubting him, but I'm pushing away some things, so that he may fill them. I'm holding back some things so that I may listen. I am being internal because God is in me. I'm sharing only when asked. I'm not relying on my own human strength to carry me, but remaining in weakness and depending on God to carry me. It is so important to love who you are at the moment, and acknowledge God is there too, with you, always. I'm not going to hide parts of myself to make me seem greater to humans, because God see's those parts, and there is no point in trying to hide. When I'm upset or confused, no longer will I call my best friends first and ask for advice, but I'm not only going to pray, but I'm simply going to talk to God as I would my best friend. But more intimately. I'm embracing being a girl, a girl filled with confidence and independence aside from the world. The curse of Eden is that she will always be chasing after lovers and God will not allow it until she chases him first. No longer will I chase after lovers before God, but trust he'll provide when timing is write, not just for boys, but for everything. I can't see into the future and I can't figure out God, and I cant be as perfect as Jesus was. Am I saying don't try? No, but Jesus truly didn't rely on himself to carry on, his faith was all in God. And so this is my act of reliancy towards the Lord, to simply give up my efforts, in hopes that Christ-likeness would become effortless and fully given to me by God. Maybe this is wrong, I don't care. I'm not scared to fail or "to get off track", because I'm not. God is walking beside me, in a different way, and I'm even feeling closer. So here it is: my time to LIVE.