week one of april challenge

My friend Rachel and I came up with this idea to study 1John together. The chapter is short but beautiful, loving, and full of light and wisdom. The deal is that we spend time together reading passages out of it for this whole entire month. To challenge each other, and to engage in fellowship. We've been praying to be transformed and challenged this month with our faith, and with what we study for that week. I'm so excited about it. Rachel and I have made a pact to really hold each other accountable. This week ( well we did this last week until this week) read all of chapter one. And we nailed it down to three things we were really going to concentrate on for the week.

1.Asking for forgiveness
As sisters in Christ we realize that forgiveness is a huge part of faith; forgiving others, forgiving yourself, and asking God to forgive you. But we realized that we know God is always going to forgive and love us, but we always forget to ask for it. Humans sin daily, but do you ask for forgiveness daily? So we decided that we ere going to concentrate on asking for forgiveness every time we sinned, I know huge challenge. But what it ended up doing for me was, I realized what I repeatedly asked for forgiveness for, and it DEFINETLEY makes you more aware of what sin is and how much you do.

2. Fellowship
This one had the biggest impact on me. But let me tell you first what we (or I) thought about it. We decided on concentrating on living in fellowship with one another, encouraging, serving, praying, and listening too each other. Or that is what I thought, and I am generally good at those things, so honestly I didn't concentrate on this one as evidentley as I thought. BUT God brought me a whole new understanding for the word, and a new understanding of how to be a good sister in Christ. I learned about fellowship, what it really means to be united in a family of Christ. This was mostly revealed to me through my exboyfriend Michael this week. And Michael has been a dear friend, brother in Christ, and boy ever since I've gotten to know him. I have always felt God really really wanted me in his life, I couldn't shake him. Not in just the way of liking him more then a friend, but really in the way as being there for him. I don't know why, but I hope there was a purpose and maybe even some good in that feeling. So I refused to ever give up on being there for him. And I have always been really passionate about this verse "But you dear friends, must build each other up in your most holy faith pray in the power of the holy spirit, and await the mercy of our Lord Jesus Christ, who will you bring you eternal life. In this way, you will keep yourselves safe in God's love. And you must show mercy to those whose faith is wavering. Rescue others by snatching them fro the flames of judgment. Show mercy to still others, but do so with great caution, hating the sin that contaminates their lives" Jude 20-23. And I felt that was really applicable to my relationship with him. I wanted to build him up in faith, I prayed for him consistently, I ached for him to remain safe in God's love, and I loved the person but hated the sins that consumed him (as I would anyone). But I realized I have just been judging his relationship with God, and making it so impersonal. I don't know if I helped at all, but I know I did hinder him a little bit. It hit me when he said "your the only person who makes me feel like everything is wrong with me", I instantly felt a rushing wave of sadness. I would make my brother feel like something is wrong, no everything is wrong with him? Even if there is, there is something wrong with all of us, but it was different, it is different. Me, My intentions were good, but intention doesn't determine destination, and my destintion was not what I wanted. And Michael hurt me, things with Michael just hurt, they did. And I thought I was being strong, "acting holy", but I ended up not fulfilling that at all. I was weak, I fought back, I hurt my brother in Christ. No matter what he has ever done or has said to me, he's still my brother in Christ, and I made effort to actually hurt his feelings. I can''t believe I was so weak, I wanted to fight back. I'm strong, I should of taken whatever, and I didn't. But it made me learn a lot about fellowship, a lot of times it's easy, but it was a challenge to do that when it got hard, and under harsh circumstances. I tore him down though, I didn't build him up. I was judging, immature and spiteful, and ultimately I feel TERRIBLE for anything I've said that remotely has hurt him. (this is how I learned this week, but but I know Michael isn't the only example in my life). Living in harmony with your brothers and sisters is so incredible, and important, and at times really challenging. But we MUST remain a family in God's kingdom above all else. The world already hates us, so what would happen if we quarrel amongst ourselves? Destruction, of hearts, of homes, of lives, of relationships among believers. And I don't want to add to that. Fellowship takes love, humbeling, compassion, and faith. I am really trying and learning what it means to not just be a "good person", but be a good sister.

3. Living in light
Being consumed with joy, against odds. Having faith, and living by truth. I don't think I lived by faith or in the light as much as I would of liked to especially this last week. But my spring break was different because of God, I actually realized a lot of truths. God was soooo present throughout my spring break. One night me and my friends stayed up late and just read from the book revelations with a another book that helped explained it. And we talked about our feelings, our fears, and how Jesus is coming. And in 1John 1:7 says "If we are living in the light, as God is in the light then we have fellowship with each other, and the blood of Jesus, his son, cleanses us from all sin".